


Les Amemes

by Enjollrass



Category: Les Miserables, les mis
Genre: AU, Angst, Artist Grantaire, But not that much, Dancer Grantaire, Doctors, F/F, F/M, Gen, Lawyrers, M/M, Memes, Modern AU, Multi, Post? College au, candlestick makers, chat fic, gay™, get rekt, literallt terrible, pls help me, semi college au, super gay, text fic, the worst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:12:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enjollrass/pseuds/Enjollrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Les Mis in chat format. Basically just lots of memes and enjolras yelling and more memes and interventions and ur daily Amis shenanigans. Super gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Les Amemes

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 4 am so there are probably LOTS of typos... Just role with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE this is taking place when they are right out of college, so mid twenties. some of them might still be going after their masters and others are in internship/assistant stages of their careers. 
> 
>  
> 
> if i mess something up just roll with it unless I GET JEHANS PRONOUNS WRONG LET ME KNOW I DONT THINK I DID BUT IF I MISSED SOMETHING TELL ME IM USING THEY/THEM.
> 
> Twitter: OBlWAN_  
> Tumblr: hawwkeyee

Combeferre - moth_erfucker  
Enjolras - AP0LL0  
Joly - jolyranchers  
Grantaire - claudemoneY  
Marius - CosetteFucker  
Cosette - MariusFucker/Cozztte  
eponine -epo9  
bossuet -BossAssBitch  
courfeyrac - courffee  
bahorel - johncena  
jehan - plantastic  
feuilly - _feuilly_  
musichetta - chettta

\------------------------------------------------------

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has created the group chat ‘_ **_Les Amis_ ** _’_

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has changed the group chat name to_ **_‘Les Amemes’_ **

 

 **AP0LL0:** are we missing anyone

 **claudemoneY:** waz good u gays

 **claudemoneY:** guys*        

 **jolyranchers:** no i think u had it correct the first time

 **moth_erfuckers:** ^^

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has changed the group chat name to ‘_ **_Les Amis’_ **

 

 ** _claudemoneY_ ** _has changed the group chat name to ‘_ **_Les Amemes_ ** _’_

 

 **AP0LL0:** ok i just wanted to remind everyone that the rally is this friday at 2pm and were making signs on thursday.

 **CosetteFucker:** quick someone how do i change my name on here pls send help S.O.S. 911

 **courffee** : marius. oh my god. this is beautiful

 **CosetteFucker:** pls grantaire made my account and he made my username and i cant figure out how to change it

 **claudemoneY:** NO ONE TELL HIM

 **Cozztte** : this is so emberassing but also the best thing i have ever seen

 **claudemoneY:** by far this is the best thing i have ever done

 **CosetteFucker:** pls i am not comfortable with this

 **moth_erfucker:** i think we forgot to add jehan and fueilly

 **claudemoneY:** oh my go d how did u forget to add my children

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _added “_ **_plantastic_ ** _” to the group ‘_ **_Les Amemes_ ** _’_

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _added “__ **_feuilly__ ** _” to the group ‘_ **_Les Amemes_ ** _’_

 

 **cluademoneY** : hello my children, how r u on this glorious and beautiful day

 **plantastic** : wtf grantaire why are u in such a good mood did enjolras talk to u or smthng

 **_feuilly_** : jehan, enjolras is literally in this chat RIGHT NOW omg good job being subtle

 **claudemoneY:** O H MY GOFDF

 **claudemoneY:** WHAT DFUDCK YOUGF

 **plantastic** : OH SHIT LMAO

 **plantastic** : honestly my bad this ones on me

 **claudemoneY:** IM DHIUGNA;AD;A

 **claudemoneY:** AIDHF;AAKDBF

 **claudemoneY:** GOODBYE FOEEVRE R KSJDFH;A

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has left the chat ‘_ **_Les Amemes_ ** _’_

 

 **epo9:** that was the saddest thing i have ever seen

 **AP0LL0** : wait what just happened:

 **epo9** : enjolras,, sweety :)

 **AP0LL0** : im so confused

 **_fueilly_** : nothing my dude, everything is peachy

 **moth_erfucker:** tag urself im grantaire

 **courffee** : tag urself im enjolras

 **johncena** : tag urself im jehan

 **AP0LL0** : ????????????????

 **CosetteFucker** : okay but i still need help fixing my username

 **Cozzttee:** honestly dont change it i think its halarious

 **Cozzttee:** in fact im changing mine to match ok brb

 

 **_Cozzttee_ ** _has left the group chat ‘_ **_Les Amemes’_ **

 

 **BossAssBitch** : ok wait what happening i was busy doing things

 **jolyrancher:** im things

 **chettta:** so am i

 **jolyrancher:** wuz up guys

 **epo9:** MUSICHETTA!!

 **chettta:** EPONINE!!

 **johncena** : BOSSUET!

 **BossAssBitch** : BAHOREL!!

 **courffee** : JOLY!!

 **jolyrancher** : COURFEYRAC!!

 **_feuilly_** : feuilly!

 **_feuilly_** : hey fueilly, i love you and its okay that ur not dating anyone bc i love and appreciate u, ur doing great my dude. love - feuilly.

 **jolyracher:** r u done being bitter

 **_feuilly_** : no fuck off i will always be bitter ™

 **plantastic** : im with u bud

 **epo9:** RT RT RT RT

 **johncena** : me

 **AP0LL0:** ok im single too but can we pls get back to politics?

 **epo9** : but ur single by choice enj

 **AP0LL0** : WTFS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 **moth_erfucker** : chill fam

 **AP0LL0** : i mean sURE i would like to be with someone??? sure. but like i just ?? u know?? im not entitled to anyone having feelings for me and even if i DID like someone, WHICH I DONT OF COURSE when would i have time for a relationship??? i am so busy??? im trying to change the WORLD OVER HERE

 **courffee** : here we go

 **AP0LL0** : like no one i know actually has feelings for me, theyve obviously made that pretty clear, so when would i have time to go on dates or meet people?? and liking  a person takes so long for me?? its so draining. like okay, do i daydream about holding someones hand at the pride parade?? im not admitting to that but, maybe. do i wish i had someone i could force to proofread my letters to congress?? sure. but a boyfriend?? LOL U THOUGHT.

 **epo9** : honestly this is sad

 **AP0LL0** : all im saying is that im perfectly fine on my own rn.

 **BossAssBitch** : tag urself im the denial in the above text

 **courffee** : OH MY OGD

 **epo9** : this is my favorite Enjolras Rant™ this week

 **CosetteFucker** : ok wait cosette just texted me she wants me to add her back in

 

 **_MariusFucker_ ** _joined the chat ‘_ **_Les Amemes’_ **

 

 **MariusFucker** : do you guys like my new username

 **CosetteFucker** : OH MY GFOS DFA;LK

 **CosetteFucker** : WHAT IS STHIS

 **MariusFucker** : isnt it amazing

 **johncena** : PLEASE go to church

 **MariusFucker** : says u

 **johncena** : u got me there.

 **CosetteFucker** : literally this is worse than that time cosettes dad walked in on us that one time when we were doing it

 **courffee** : marius cant even say the word ‘sex’ thats so cute

 **BossAssBitch** : tag urself im marius

 **CosetteFucker** : hoenstly courfeyrac i feel so attacked right now i dont like that word it feels dirty LEAVE ME ALONE

 **moth_erfucker** : sex sex sex sex sex

 **BossAssBitch** : sex sex sex sex

 **_fueilly_** : sex (is what im not having bC IM ALONE)

 **plantastic** : RT

 **johncena** : quick someone add grantaire back in he would like this conversation

 

 **_Epo9_ ** _added_ **_claudemoneY_ ** _to the group chat ‘_ **_Les Amemes’_ **

 

 **chettta** : SEX!!

 **claudemoneY** : i am so here for this

 **AP0LL0** : FRIDAY = RALLY. THURSDAY = SIGNS.

 **_feuilly_** : what is enj mummbling on about now

 **MariusFucker** : this chat was supposed to be an update on that Pro-Choice Rally thats on friday and we are all gonna get together on thursday to make posters n stuff.

 **claudemoneY** : is that what this is?? i thought it was like a protest against mass incarceration or smthng

 **AP0LL0** : that was last week grantaire.

 **AP0LL0** : while we’re on the topic.,

 **AP0LL0** : THIS IS A CALL OUT POST FOR R  BC HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WASNT THERe LAST WEEK

 **claudemoneY** : ok first off, chill

 **claudemoneY** : secondly, i was PERFORMING on STAGE u know, cause thats MY JOB to get so that i can get MONEY so i can PAY MY RENT and buy FOOD so that i can LIVE  

 **claudemoneY** : LET ME LIVE

 **claudemoneY** : do you want me to DIE apollo??

 **claudemoneY** : do u want me to die like those little baby polar bears u always talk about that r dying bc of global warming??? i am a polar bear and enjolras is global warming.

 **moth_erfucker** ; did u just call enjolras hot

 **epo9** : oh my god he did

 **claudemoneY** : well im not wrong am i

 **_feuilly_** : no ur not wrong

 **AP0LL0** : this is flattering but also very offensive bc u compared me to one of the biggest problems facing our planet, so thank you, but also fuck u.

 **courffee** : u got that right ;)))  ^^

 **AP0LL0** : pls chill

 **claudemoneY** : i think the metaphor fits nicely tbh

 **plantastic** : honestly so do i

 **AP0LL0** : i feel so attacked right now tbh

 **plantastic** : no think about it, Enjolras is a force that demands to be reckoned with, republicans like to ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist. also; hot. grantaire, a polar bear; cuddly, likes snow, sleeps a lot, will fight at any given moment.

 **claudemoneY** : aw this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

 **AP0LL0** : honestly,, me to tbh

 **courffee** : most people arent serious when they say that but i have a feeling that both of u r being serious.

 **claudemoneY** : oh i am 100% serious im printing this out and framing it. Jehan i love you.

 **AP0LL0** : most people use words like “aggressive” “pushy” “a pain in the ass” and once i even got “Left wing liberal fascist scum whos degree was printed on the back of the communist manifesto.”

 

 **_MariusFucker_ ** _changed the group name to ‘_ **_Left Wing Liberal Fascist Scum_ ** _’_

 

 **AP0LL0** : so yes, thats high up there on the list of nice things people have said about me.

 **moth_erfucker** : oh my god this is making me so emo

 **courffee** : THIS IS SO SAD IM SO EMO

 **chettta** : NEW RULE EVERYONE BE NICER TO E AND R

 **_feuilly_** : I LOVE U BOTH SO MUCH

 **claudemoneY** : i accept love in both cash and credit forms, my paypal is edwardHOEper and u all know my address to send cash via mail

 **AP0LL0** : i dont know your address.

 **claudemoneY** : u’ve been to my apartment before??

 **AP0LL0** : no i havent??

 **BossAssBitch** : yeah u have remember it was me, musichetta, joly, grantaire, combeffere, courfyerac, and u and we were out late drinking and then joly got sick bc he is a v v v v v v v v lightweight and he was like throwing up and grantaire was basically the only completely sober one besides me bc damnnnnnnnnnnnn can he hold his liquor

 **jolyrancher** : i dont remember this

 **BossAssBitch** : of course you dont babe its okay

 **chettta** ; it was like 4 months ago

 **BossAssBitch** : right anyways, joly was super sick and grantaires apartment was the closest so we brought him there and everyone ended up falling asleep??

 **AP0LL0** : THAT WAS WHERE U LIVE????

  
**AP0LL0** : THAT WAS IN SUCH A SKETCHY NEIGHBORHOOD

 **AP0LL0** : THAT WAS SUCH A SMALL APARTMENT IT WAS LIKE ONE ROOM

 **claudemoneY** : UMMM???? i ALSO have a bathroom excuse u wtf

 **AP0LL0** : AND WHY WERE THERE SO MANY CATS???? WTHAT THE FUCK THERE WERE LIKE 4 CATS

 **claudemoneY** : it gets cold in the winter??? i leave the window open a bit for the cats to come in??? sue me???

 **AP0LL0** : oh my god.

 **AP0LL0** : i thought we were at like a drug dealers house or smthng

 **AP0LL0:** oh my god

 **AP0LL0** : i threw up on ur carpet.

 **claudemoneY** : ya u never apologized for that.

 **claudemoneY** : I SPENT AN HOUR SCRUBBING UR VOMIT FROM MY CARPET U ASSHOLE.

 **jolyracher** : not cool man.

 **claudemoneY** : joly u have no room to talk muichetta and bossuet spent TWO hours cleaning my bathroom bc of u.

 **BossAssBitch** : its okay fam what are boyfrinds and girlfrinds for :)

 **chettta** : yeah joly we love u it was gross but also kinda cute

 **BossAssBitch** : mostly gross though

 **chettta** : yeah, mostly gross

 **jolyracher** : U GUYS ARE HOENSTLY THE BEST. IM COMING HOME RIGHT NOW WITH TAKEOUT. IM GETTING UR FAVORITE, THAT VEGAN SUSHI FROM THAT PLACE U GUYS LIKE A LOT.

 **jolyracher** : originally it was just bc i was hungry but now think of it as a “Thank U For Cleaning Up My Vomit For Two Hours While I Was Passed Out On Our Friends Floor Even Though I Don’t Remember Any Of This” Gift

 **BossAssBitch** : FA;DKFJA;L SDFAIM SO EXCITED

 **chettta** : FUCK YESSS IM STARVING.

 **jolyrancher** : I WILL BE HOME IN LIKE 20 MINUTES

 **plantastic** : wtf :( i want sushi

 **BossAssBitch** : come over my parents arent home ;)

 **plantastic** : honestly can i i have no plans tonight

 **BossAssBitch** : musichetta says its okay, joly?

 **jolyracher** : FUCK yeAH ill get more sushi

 **_feulliy_** : im already on my way over bc im not about to be bitter ™  all night alone

 **jolyrancher** : only if u bring ice cream

 **_feuilly_** : do u rlly think that little of me that i wouldnt bring ice cream LOL NICE TRY BITCH  NEXTTT

 **_feuilly_** : i have cookie dough and triple chocolate fudge

 **jolyrancher** : THIS IS AN OPEN INVITE TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COME SUSHI/ICE CREAM/NETFLIX AND CHILL AT ME CHETTAS, AND BOSSUET'S APARTMENT.

 **moth_erfucker** : me and courfeyrec r in bed and he literally passed out like 10 minutes ago so were good. be safe kids.

 **jolyrancher** : literally its 9:05 pm

 **moth_erfucker** : ok ur point

 **_feuilly_** : u guys are literally old men

 **moth_erfucker** : goodnight fuckers

 **claudemoneY** : goodnight dad i love U

 **moth_erfucker** : goodnight son

 **moth_erfucker** : im taking courfs phone and remonving him from from the group chat so the buzzing doesnt wake him up

 **claudemoneY** : u know his password? relationship goals

 **moth_erfucker** : ya bc we have somethng called TRUST

 **jolyrancher** : i bet combefferes password is smthng nerdy like “6684”

 **claudemoneY** : what does that spell

 **moth_erfucker** : what the FUCK

 **jolyrancher** : literally ‘moth’

 **claudemoneY** : PLEASE TELL ME UR PASSWORD ISNT ‘MOTH’

 

 **_moth_erfucker_ ** _has left the group chat ‘_ **_Left Wing Liberal Fascist Scum_ ** _’_

 

 **_Courffee_ ** _has left the group chat ‘_ **_Left Wing Liberal Fascist Scum_ ** _’_

 

 **claudemoneY** : oh my god it was totally moth wasnt it.

 **claudemoneY** : what a nerd

 **jolyrancher** : grantaire r u gettin up in this party

 **claudemoneY** : nah fam i have a performance again tmorrow i am so tired plus one of my cats is pregnant and i wanna be here in case anything happens u feel.

 **AP0LL0** : OH MY GOD UR CAT IS PREGNANT

 **jolyrancher** : okay fam i feel, give george washingturnt my regards.

 **AP0LL0** : george washingturnt????

 **claudemoneY** : my pregnant cat

 **AP0LL0** : you named your pregnant cat george washingturnt??

 **claudemoneY** : she wasnt pregant at the time, and i didnt think she was a she ok

 **claudemoneY** : also fuck gender roles if my girl cat wants to have a boys name then she can

 **plantastic** : RT RT

 **AP0LL0** : ok u got me there

 **AP0LL0** : i hope ur cat is okay

 **jolyrancher** : marius??? cosette??

 **CosetteFucker** : we r waiting outside ur apartment

 **BossAssBitch** : why didnt u ring the buzzer???

 **CosetteFucker** : bc Cosette saw a dog and shes been petting it for the past 10 minutes

 **_feuilly_** : IF THAT AINT ME

 **_feuilly_** : IM SPRINTING NOW

 **_feuilly_** : IM 2 BLOCKS AWAY DONT LET THE DOG LEAVE

 **jolyrancher** : im almost there too omg

 **jolyrancher** : enjolras, bahorel, or eponine, r u guys coming

 **johncena** : dude ive been at ur house all day

 **jolyrancher** : ?????

 **chettta** : ????  
**BossAssBitch** : ?????

 **johncena** : i slept over last night????

 **chettta** : where r u????  we havent seen u at all????

 **johncena** : ive been in the extra room?? literally i have walked around all day i went to the kitchen and ate ur food and made coffee this morning??

 **BossAssBitch** : THATS where that coffee come from?? i thought that was joly

 **jolyrancher** : i assumed it was musichetta

 **chettta** : LOL U THOUGHT I WAS UP BEFORE 8

 **epo9** : TAG URSELF IM BAHOREL

 **claudemoneY** : tag urself im bosseut and musichetta

 **AP0LL0** : tag urself im the coffee

 **MariusFucker** : okay can u guys buzz us up joly is here too and he has food.

 **johncena** : FUCK YESSS

 **jolyrancher** : wait are enjolras and eponine coming???

 **epo9** : just saw this and literally omw rn

 **jolyrancher** : enjolras???

 **AP0LL0** : literally im in a different city rn????

 **claudemoneY** : what to heck

 **jolyrancher** : why the fuCK

 **epo9** : ????

 **AP0LL0** : WHY DO NONE OF U GUYS REMEMEBR  THSI WHAT T EHFUCK

 **AP0LL0** : I LITERALLY POSTED IT EVERTWHERE AND UPDATED YOU ON MY SCHEDULE YESTERDAY???

 **MariusFucker** : ok moment of honestly, most of the time i tune out enj bc all of his emails are articles on random situations that lack equality or justice with the subject line “ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!” or “THIS IS WHY WE NEED FEMINISM” or smthng along those lines.

 **claudemoneY** : IF THIS AINT ME

 **claudemoneY** : RETWEET

 **claudemoneY** : REBLOG

 **AP0LL0** : I FEEL SO BETRAYED

 **AP0LL0** : I WHAT ASDFA; FUCK

 **AP0LL0** : for any of u who CARE, i am in NICE. because its NICE over here. UNLIKE U FUCKERS.

 **epo9** : why the FUCK r u in NICE btw im here joly buzz me up

 **jolyrancher** : gottchu fam

 **AP0LL0** : BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING JOB

 **AP0LL0:** i will be back tomorrow for those of you WHO DONT HATE ME.

 **AP0LL0** : HONESTLY IM SO DONE.

 **AP0LL0** : THIS GROUP IS SO TOXIC

 **AP0LL0** : IM GOING TO BED FUCK U GUYS

 **AP0LL0** : but also i love you all and value our friendships and  you have all impacted im life greatly.

 **AP0LL0** : BUT FUCK YOU GUYS I HATE YOU

 **claduemoneY** : goodNIGHT apollo

 **AP0LL0** : goodnight, R.

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has left the group chat ‘_ **_Left Wing Liberal Fascist Scum_ ** _’_

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has renamed the group chat_ **_‘Les Amemes’_ **

 

 **_feuilly_** : ok grantaire you can breath again enjolras is gone

 **claudemoneY** : honestly i have no idea what ur talking about tbh

 **plantastic** : i cant believe you called him hot

 **claudemoneY** : literally i feel so attacked right now delete urselves

 **epo9** : literally this is so sad rn

 **CosetteFucker** : yeah i mean tbh even i can see it and i never notice anything???

 **claudemoneY** : LITERALLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT AND I AM OFFENDED AND DISTRAUGHT AT THIS HORRENDOUS ASSUMPTION. THE AUDACITY OF THIS ACCUSATION IS BOTH INFURIATING AND UNFORGIVABLE

 **BossAssBitch** : aww :)) there he goes :)) trying to use big words to distract us :))

 **BossAssBitch** : classic grantaire.

 **MariusFucker** : classic

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has left the group chat ‘_ **_Les Amemes’_ **

 

 **jolyrancher** : nOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOoooOoOo

 

 **_jolyrancher_ ** _has added_ **_claudemoneY_ ** _into the group chat_ **_‘Les Amemes_ ** _’_

 

 **jolyrancher** : dad wtf u cant leave without saying goodnight

 **claudemoneY** : i am being attacked

 **claudemoneY** : gaynight son i love you

 **plantastic** : gaynight

 **epo9** : gaynight

 **BossAssBitch** : gaynight u gays

 **johncena** : i hope u all get laid tonight

 **johncena** : ok wait i take that back bc most of us are in the same room

 **chettta:** ;)))))))

 **chettta:** are you thinking what im thinking

 **BossAssBitch** : ORGY

  
**jolyrancher** : ORGY

 **MariusFucker** : ORGRYY

  
**MariusFucker** : oh my god we all said that at the same time askdjfhla

 **_fueilly_** : i may be single but im not desperate

 **_fueilly_** : okay im desperate but i have morals

 **_fuilly_** : ok i dont have many morals but im not into fucking my friends

 **_feuilly_** : most of my friends

 **_feuilly_** : i think im talking myself into this

 **plantastic** : no

 **plantastic** : NOT HAPPENING

  
**CosseteFucker** : I agree with jehan

 **epo9** : LITERALLY EVERYONE CHILL WE ARE NOT HAVING AN ORGY

 **claudemoneY** : okay u gays have fun but not too much fun

 **claudemoneY** : gaynight my dudes and dudettes and beautiful babes who dont fit into those two categories

 **claudemoneY** : im out fuckers

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has left the group chat_ **_‘Les Amemes’_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE this is taking place when they are right out of college, so mid twenties. some of them might still be going after their masters and others are in internship/assistant stages of their careers. 
> 
>  
> 
> if i mess something up just roll with it unless I GET JEHANS PRONOUNS WRONG LET ME KNOW I DONT THINK I DID BUT IF I MISSED SOMETHING TELL ME IM USING THEY/THEM.
> 
> Twitter: OBlWAN_  
> Tumblr: hawwkeyee


	2. a date??

 

 **Combeferre - moth_erfucker**  
**Enjolras - AP0LL0**  
**Joly - jolyranchers**  
**Grantaire - claudemoneY**  
**Marius - CosetteFucker**  
**Cosette - MariusFucker/Cozztte**  
**eponine -epo9**  
**bossuet -BossAssBitch**  
**courfeyrac - courffee**  
**bahorel - johncena**  
**jehan - plantastic**  
**feuilly - _feuilly_**  
**musichetta - chettta**

_-o-_

 

 _You have entered the group chat_ **_‘Les Amemes’_ **

 

 **AP0LL0:** hey can anyone pick me up from the train station? I'm arriving in like 30 minutes.

 **epo9:** work

 **BossAssBitch:** ^^

 **_feuilly_:** same

 **plantastic:** im working sorry fam

 **chettta:** I'm pretty sure me, joly and boss are the only ones with a car but me and joly r both working as well.

 **moth_erfucker:** I'm at the hospital working   

 **moth_erfucker:** courf is apparently doing a fish surgery 

 **moth_erfucker:** can you imagine having a couple extra hundered dollars lying around to do surgery on a fish you could buy for 4 euros. cant relate.

 **jolyranches:** shut up combeferre if my goldfish needed surgery I would sell my kidney for the money to save him.

 **moth_erfucker** : Joly you only have one kidney left if you sold it you would die. 

 **jolyranchers** : so be it. 

 **jolyranchers** : If i must give my life for his, i would do so with a smile on my face

 **chetta:** i........

 **BossAssBitch** : .....love you

 **moth_erfucker:** ....... okay.......but I know FOR FACT that grantaire got out of rehearsal at 10 and doesn't have a show until 6 so he would probably be ur best bet.

 **claudemoneY:** wow ok ur a doctor u KNOW that snitches get stitches ferre.

 **claudemoneY:** also for ur information I am actually at my studio rn but if joly/chetta/boss let me borrow their car I think I can swing it.

 **BossAssBitch:** ya fam go for it. We can't abandon our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ™ at a train station

 **AP0LL0:** thanks guys I wouldn't ask if I had any other choice but I'm literally out of money so I cant even get an uber or anything

 **claudemoneY:** gottchu fam I'll scoop in like 40 min

 **claudemoneY:** bc I need to go over to boss/chetta/jolys place and get the car

 **BossAssBitch:** ok do u know where the key is

 **claudemoneY:** it's ok I have one

 **BossAssBitch:** um

 **BossAssBitch:**????

 **BossAssBitch:** HOW

 **claudemoneY:** I made a copy :))

 **BossAssBitch:** typical.

 **claudemoneY:** u love me

 **BossAssBitch:** FAKE

 **claudemoneY** : also btw ur out of lucky charms

 **BossAssBitch:** why do u know that

 **claudemoneY:** bc i ate brunch at ur apt this morning?? obviously ??

 **BossAssBitch:** WHY

 **claudemoneY:** bc i was out of food??? Duh?? keep up man.

 **BossAssBitch:** was anyone home??

 **claudemoneY** : jolys goldfish was there

 **BossAssBitch:** my god.

 **claudemoneY:** also?? You guys always leave your bathroom light on?? dont ?? we can all help prevent global warming boss.

 **BossAssBitch:** was that sarcasm

 **claudemoneY:** honestly i cant tell anymore

 **claudemoneY** : i spend to much time with u guys.

 

-o- 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has created a chat with_ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

 **claudemoneY:** yo enj im out front of terminal A

 **AP0LL0:** okay im almost out, the train was delayed a couple minutes

 **claudemoneY** : thats okay i’ll wait out here….

 **claudemoneY:** dying of hunger….

 **claudemoneY:**..and thirst….

 **claudemoneY:** ……,,,bc i drove aLL the way out here to pick you up…,,,,

 **claudemoneY:** …. All 13.5 minutes.,,,....

 **AP0LL0:** taire, would you like to get food after this.

 **claudemoneY** : i mean, since you offered :))))))))))

 **AP0LL0** : we just have to stop by my appt real quick so i can grab some cash.

 **AP0LL0:** we can go to that new vegan place that makes whatever you order into a smoothie. They claim that its better for you? So even if you order like, pasta, they’ll make it into a  smoothie.

 **claudemoneY:** or we could you know, not do that.

 **AP0LL0:** okay youre probably right. I know a vegan chinese place?

 **claudemoneY:** im always a slut for chinese.

 **AP0LL0:** okay im walking out rn i’ll be there in like 30 seconds

 **claudemoneY** : niCE

 

-o- 

 _You have entered the group chat_ **_!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!_** _with **epo9** and **jolyranchers** , _

 

 **claudemoneY:** GUYS WTF SHIT WENT DOWN

 **epo9:** DID UR CAT GIVE BIRTH

 **claudemoneY:** NOT YET

 **jolyrachers:** whats up my dude

 **claudemoney** : I THINK ME AND ENJOLRAS JUST WENT ON A DATE?? I CANT TELL

 **epo9:** oh my god are you serious?? give me details how big was his dick

 **jolyranchers:** WHAT HAPPEND

 **claudemoneY:** ok so what had happened was i picked enjorlas up from the train station right?

 **claudemoneY:** and then when he got into the car and shut the door i realized that me and enjolras are RARELY alone together??? and i was like FUCK WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD AS FUCK?? like its not like we have never hung out together bc we do a lot?? but its always with AT LEAST one other person????so already

 **claudemoneY:** so already im like dying bc hes sitting there with his dumb hair and dumb sleeves rolled up,.. like, we get it,,, ur hot? im just trying to live?? and ok so anyway we decide to grab some food bc were starving but we gotta like go back to enj’s appt to grab some money bc the dude didnt have any and i sure as hell didnt either

 **jolyranchers:** okay go on

 **claudemoneY:** and we go to this little chinese place and were sitting there ordering and im trying to be chill bc u know for fact that I WAS NOT CHILL INFACT I WAS THE OPPOSITE OF CHILL BUT I ACTED AS CHILL AS I COULD FOR SOMEONE WHO WAS LITERALLY SITTING ACROSS FROM A GOD.

 **epo9:** so how big was his dick

 **claudemoneY** : and then oh my god you guys enjolras got MUGGED

 **jolyranchers:** WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OKAY?? IS HE OKAY?

 **epo9:** AT THE RESTAURANT?

 **claudemoneY** : im fine?? nO it wasnt today.

 **claudemoneY** : i mean yesterday when he was in Nice.

 **claudemoneY:** we were eating and he started talking about his trip and then he told me the story of how he got mugged while walking back to his hotel and literally??? oh my god you will not believe this shit

 **jolyranchers:** what happened

 **claudemoneY:** apparently 3 huge dudes easily double enj’s size, WITH GUNS,  cornered him in a dark alley right?and they tell enj to hand over his money and blah blah your stereotypical mugging conversation. buT THEN, OUR SWEET LITTLE ENJOLRAS ACTUALLY STARTS TRYING TO TALK AND REASON WITH THESE GUYS. TRIES TO LEVEL WITH CRIMINALS WHO HAVE GUNS TO HIS HEAD. HE STARTS TALKING TO THEM ABOUT CAPITALISM AND OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS AND HOW OUR HEALTHCARE SYSTEM AND LACK OF HELP FOR VETERANS HAVE FORCED PEOPLE ONTO THE STREETS AND MAKE THEM RESORT TO MUGGING PEOPLE.

 **claudemoneY:** and they tell enj to hand over his money and blah blah your stereotypical mugging conversation. buT THEN, OUR SWEET LITTLE ENJOLRAS ACTUALLY STARTS TRYING TO TALK AND REASON WITH THESE GUYS. TRIES TO LEVEL WITH CRIMINALS WHO HAVE GUNS TO HIS HEAD. HE STARTS TALKING TO THEM ABOUT CAPITALISM AND OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS AND HOW OUR HEALTHCARE SYSTEM AND LACK OF HELP FOR VETERANS HAVE FORCED PEOPLE ONTO THE STREETS AND MAKE THEM RESORT TO MUGGING PEOPLE.

 **jolyranchers** : ohMY GOD WHAT THE FUCK

 **jolyranchers** : SD;FLKAJ;FLJ WTF THE FUCK

 **jolyranchers** : THAT BOY IS GOING TO GET HIMSELF KILLED ONE DAY

 **epo9:** HONESTLY IM NOT SURPRISED

 **jolyranchers** : IM SOBBING THIS IS SO #ENJOLRAS

epo9: WHAT HAPPENED??

 **claudemoneY** : this is where it gets insane. THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN TO HIM. THEY FUCKING START TELLING HIM ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND ABOUT HOW THEY ENDED UP WHERE THEY WERE. anD THEN ENJORLAS FUCKING BUYS THEM DINNER AND LITERALLY THE REASON HE DIDNT HAVE ANY MONEY TO GET HOME WAS BECAUSE HE WILLINGLY GAVE IT ALL TO THE HOMELESS CRIMINALS WHO TRIED TO MUG HIM IM SOBBING

 **epo9:** is it bad that i find this hilarious

 **jolyranchers** : ASKD;L THIS IS SO FUNNY AND AMAZING

 **epo9:** IM SO EMO

 **jolyranchers:** HE IS MY GOALS. A TRUE INSPIRATION TBH.

 **jolyranchers** : honestly tho how many of us can say we can talk ourselves out of getting mugged.

 **epo9:** a man a myth a legend

 **epo9:** still think u deserve better tho

 **claudemoneY** : literally i didnt know what to say i wasnt sure if i should be mad at him for putting himself at risk or proud for knowing what to say to talk them down???? i was just awe struck

 **jolyranchers** : literally so gay wtf

 **claudemoney** : ok chill

 **epo9:** so how big was his dick

 **claudemoneY:** aNYWAYS

 **claudemoneY:** after he told me about that he we talked some more and stuff and i invited him to my show on friday night after that rally thingamajig that is happening but i panicked and told him that i was planning on inviting the entire group bc i didnt want to put him in a position where he would have to make up an excuse to say no to get out of a date or smthng so you guys HAVE TO COME NOW OKAY??

 **jolyranchers** : are you kidding me

 **jolyranchers:** what makes you think he would say no even if it was a date???

 **epo9:** ^^^

 **claudemoneY:** is this a joke

 **claudemoneY** : have u SEEN me?

 **claudemoneY** : have u seen HIM?

 **claudemoneY** : PEOPLE LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH PEOPLE LIKE HIM

 **epo9:** im coming over right now to punch you in the face

 **jolyranchers:** im going to have to stop you right there, that is the most untrue sentence i have ever read in my entire life.

 **epo9:** grantaire are you home rn

 **claudemoneY:** uGHHH no but im in front of a mirror

 **epo9:** do it now

 **jolyranchers** : ok wait what

 **epo9:** whenever he says something self destructive like that i make him go read this little thing i taped on his bathroom mirror bc its good to hear yourself say positive things about yourself out loud.

 **jolyranchers:** awe :) ur such a good friend

 **epo9:** i know right?? wtf

 **jolyranchers:** what does it say?

 **claudemoneY** : ‘you are not stupid. you are not useless. you are not a waste of space. you are a smart. your mind is beautiful. you are worthy of love.’ i have it memorized LOL

 **jolyranchers** : OH MY GOD THIS IS SO AMAZING

 **claudemoneY:** it actually helps sometimes.

 **jolyranchers:** all those things are true btw.

 **epo9:** what would u do without me

 **claudemoneY** : tbh

 **jolyranchers** : wait okay but why did you think the thing with enjolras was a date in the first place?

 **claudemoneY:** bc like,, we got along rlly well?? and there were only like one or two silences and those were mainly bc we were eating bc the food was SO GOOD and also like at one point he touched my hand??? i died??? literally im texting you from beyond the grave rn bc i have been dead for about an hour now. LITERALLY GONE.

 **claudemoneY:** and then i walked him back to his apartment. he suggested we could maybe meet up with cosette and marius or smthng but i had to go bc i have a performance in like 20 min??? im literally backstage in hair and makeup rn

 **claudemoneY:** but now that im actually typing it out it seems more like two ppl hanging out. like im pretty sure enjolras doesnt even like me in general let alone in any other type of way.

 **claudemoneY** : LOL WHAT WAS I THINKING

 **jolyranchers** : tbh it could go either way.

 **epo9:** heres what you need to do

 **epo9:** have sex with him.

 **epo9:** and then just decide later.

 **jolyranchers** : alternative: just tell him how you feel

 **epo9:** WHILE UR IN BED WITH HIM.

 **jolyranchers:** hangout with him more

 **epo9:** NETFLIX AND CHILL

 **jolyranchers** : read up on the things hes passionate about

 **epo9:** read up on HIS DICK

 **claudemoneY:** these are both compelling arguments

 **claudemoneY:** or, i could just do nothing bc he obviously isnt into me.

 **epo9:** OBVIOUSLY HE IS

 **epo9:** UR BOTH SO OBTUSE

 **claudemoneY:** then WHY did he want to meet up with cosette and marius?? obviously so he wouldnt have to hangout with just me.

 **claudemoneY** : anyways it doesnt really matter bc its never going to happen!!

 **claudemoneY** : also i have to go we are doing warmups and im on soon so BYE BITCHES

 **epo9:** good luck grantaire ur gonna do amazing like u always do

 **jolyranchers** : im so proud of you dad ur doing so great we’ll talk more about this later, im glad you had fun on ur date

 **claudemoneY:** thank you gays.

 **claudemoneY:** nO ok i just over reacted it wasnt rlly a date, it was just two Bros™ going out to get food.

 

-o- 

 **_epo9_ ** _has created a chat with_ **_jolyranchers_ **

 

 **epo9** : ill bet u 5 euros that grantaire and enjolras get together

 **jolyranchers** : literally if i bet against this i would loose

 **jolyranchers** : but lets make it interesting. 10 euros that they get together before the end of the week

 **epo9** : deal.

 

-o-

 

you have entered the group chat "best frens" with **AP0LL0**   **plantastic** and **moth_erfuckers**

 

 **AP0LL0:**  Hey guys not to alarm you but I think I might have gone on a date with Grantaire. 

 **plantastic:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **moth_erfucker:** oh my GOD WHAT HAPPENED TELL ME RN

 **mother_erfucker:** i dont have long tho bc im still at work

AP0LL0: Although, I might be reading into it. I tend to pick up on these things really easily but idk.

moth_erfucker: ....right....

 **AP0LL0:** OKAY, so, Grantaire picked me up at the train station

 **moth_erfucker** : yeah???

 **AP0LL0:** (which im still suprised he agreed to, I didn't think he would actually say yes he never does favors for me he never does anything. what does he do? I dont know)

 **AP0LL0:** Alright so he sent me a text while I was still inside the terminal and he mentioned that he was hungry so??? I did what anyone would do and I asked if he wanted to go get some food because??? we are friends and I was also hungry so.

 **AP0LL0** : BUT THEN HE DIDN'T REPLY FOR A COULD SECONDS AND I THOUGHT I MADE IT AWKWARD BUt then he replied and agreed to get food so it turned out to be fine. False alarm. I had no reason to worry. I am a fool.

 **moth_erfucker** : i

 **AP0LL0:** and then when I got in his car ?? he was dressed really fancy and i? he was wearing like a button down and I was about to Not Be Composed bc he looked so Damn Fine.

 **AP0LL0** : and he said something to me when i got in but I swear to god for the life of me i could not tell you what he said like i spontaneously lost my hearing and blacked out for a hot sec bc he looked so good.

 **moth_erfucker** : jesus cHRIST.

 **moth_erfucker:** okay first off UR LITERALLY SUCH A MESS WTF

 **moth_erfucker:** as a doctor in training, I am diagnosing you with Gay.

 **moth_erfucker** : second, why didnt you have any money?

 **moth_erfucker** : third, grantaire was dressed up bc i think like he had a really rich art patron coming into his art studio today to look and/or buy a bunch of his paintings?? i think that was today at like 11

 **AP0LL0:** but thats when he came to pick me up??

 **AP0LL0:** oh my god u dont think he canceled that bc of me do you??

 **moth_erfucker:** that could be a possibility.

 **AP0LL0** : Wow that is really considerate why would he do that?? there are surely other ways I could have gotten home I could have asked one of my coworkers probably now that I think of it. Why would he pass up the opportunity to land such an apparently important client??

 **moth_erfucker** : bc hes in love with you

 **AP0LL0:** im being serious combeferre.

 **plantastic** : wait you never told us why you didnt have any money to get home

 **AP0LL0:** ok if i tell you, do you promise not to freak out.

 **moth_erfucker:** no

 **plantastic** : that depends on what you did.

 **AP0LL0:** i gave all the money i had to these homeless people

 **moth_erfucker:** Oh, i mean thats not as bad as i thought it was going to be. you do that on the daily

 **AP0LL0:** this was after they tried to mug me and i ranted to them about capitalism and the unfair social inequality and underfunded government programs that force people like them onto the streets.

 **plantastic:** what THE FUCK

 **moth_erfucker** : Literally I wasn't expecting any less I dont know what to tell you at this point

 **AP0LL0:** and then i took them out to dinner.

 **plantastic:** ENJOLRAS I SWEAR TO GOD

 **plantastic:** UR GOING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK.

 **moth_erfucker:**  but REALLY, they could have had WEAPONS they could have been CRINIMALS 

 **AP0LL0:** haha yeah they totally didnt have guns or anything! completely harmless tbh,,

 **moth_erfucker** : DONE.

 **moth_erfucker:** I am DONE with you

 **moth_erfucke** r: delete my number, unfollow me on LinkedIn

 **AP0LL0:**  It actutally wasnt that bad!!!!!!

 **AP0LL0:** ANYWAYS BACK TO THE STORY

 **AP0LL0** : okay so there we were, we stopped by my appt to grabs some money and i took him to that one chinese place thats only a couple blocks away, and it was really nice out so we decided to walk and it was really nice and i kept accidentally bumping into his shoulder bc the sidewalks were crowded

 **AP0LL0:** so we get to the restaurant and we order and it was actually not bad at all?? like i thought it might be rlly awkward bc of the fact that he doesnt like me but it was actually rlly pleasant and felt comfortable?? And I'm not quiet sure why, but at one point I reached over and touched his hand and he got all tense and I feel like I did something wrong like maybe I overstepped his boundaries because then he got all quiet and he looked like a deer caught in headlights and then re got like... really really focused on his food.

 **AP0LL0:** BUT BESIDES THAT IT WENT REALLY SMOOTHLY.

 **AP0LL0:**  And then things progressed normally and we walked together back to my apartment and I was having a nice time with him so I asked if maybe he wanted to meet up with marius and cosette but he said he had to leave

 **AP0LL0** : TBH I dont know WHY i asked that they were just the first people that came to mind and I wanted to maybe see if bring with other people as well as me made him more comfortable??? i don't know sue me ok

 **moth_erfucker** : that was wild from beginning to end

 **plantastic:** honestly enjolras how do u live.

 **AP0LL0:** also he invited me to his show on friday but then he said he is also planning on inviting everyone so obviously thats nothing. 

 **moth_erfucker:** omg yay ive been meaning to go catch one of his shows i have seen so many reviews for it in the newspaper and stuff. apparently its actually really big.  

 **plantastic:** ive never actually seen him dance before but i hear from eponine hes rlly good???

 **AP0LL0:** so are you guys gonna go?

 **AP0LL0:** friday at 8 i think? after the rally

 **plantastic:** I can do that

 **moth_erfucke** r: same.

 **plantastic** : enjolras why did u say it was a date when u also claim that grantaire hates u

 **plantastic:** ur contradicting urself

 **moth_erfucker:** more like contraDICKing urself ;))))))

 **plantastic:** literally wtf the fuck does that even mean ferre

 **moth_erfucker:** DICK ;))))))

 **AP0LL0** : i mean i guess it wasnt a date but it felt like one in the moment?? like we got food and talked about our lives and he walked me home so all those things constitute a date

 **AP0LL0:** but i guess he could also see it as just me buying him food for picking me up at the train station.

 **moth_erfucker:** i would just play it slow, see where things go naturally.

 **plantastic:** or go fast and just have sex with him rn

 **AP0LL0:** both bad ideas.

 **moth_erfucker** : okay im off my break i have to go back to work but enjolras, it’ll be okay and ur amazing and anyone u end up with is lucky to be with u

 **plantastic** : RT

 **AP0LL0:** thanks i loveyou both so much

 **plantastic:** we love you too man

 


	3. How it Started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ITS RALLY DAY!! the amis try their best to get to cafe musain on time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at 4 am so there are probably a lot of typos ok my bad honestly

**Combeferre - moth_erfucker**   
**Enjolras - AP0LL0**   
**Joly - jolyranchers**   
**Grantaire - claudemoneY**   
**Marius - CosetteFucker**   
**Cosette - MariusFucker/Cozztte**   
**eponine -epo9**   
**bossuet -BossAssBitch**   
**courfeyrac - courffee**   
**bahorel - johncena**   
**jehan - plantastic**   
**feuilly - _feuilly_**   
**musichetta - chettta**

-o-

  
_You have entered the group chat " **Les** **Amemes** "_

_thursday 5:48 am_

 

 **AP0LL0** : GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!!!!

_6:19 am_

 

 **AP0LL0** : everyone make sure to eat a good breakfast

 **AP0LL0** : bc i didnt

 **AP0LL0** : im running on 3 cups of coffee and pure enthusiasm

 **AP0LL0** : but i am READY to FIGHT EVERYONE

 

_7:11 am_

 

 **AP0LL0** : i am less ready to fight and more ready weakly debate

 **AP0LL0** : brb i need more coffee

 

_7:54 am_

 

 **AP0LL0** : I AM AGAIN, READY TO FIGHT

 **AP0LL0** : while we are on the topic of coffee, there is a petition i think you should all sign that is fighting for the environmental rights for coffee bean planters in brazil i’ll email u all a link to the site and u can read up on it, its only like 40 pages long but it’s a really quick read

 **AP0LL0** : we can talk about it at our next meeting

 **AP0LL0** : which is saturday at 6

 

_8:09 am_

 

 **AP0LL0** : whY ISNT ANYONE UP WHAT THE FUCK

 

_8:15_

 

 **moth_erfucker** : goodmorning enj i am up.

 **moth_erfucker** : awe :) courf is so cute when he hoGS ALL THE FUCKING BLANKETS

 **moth_erfucker** : HE LITERALLY HAS ALL THREE OF THE BLANKETS AND ONE ISNT EVEN ON HIM ITS ON THE FLOOR ON HIS SIDE.

 **moth_erfucker** : WE DONT HAVE HEATING IN OUR APARTMENT

 **moth_erfucker** : I AM GOING TO GET SICK

 **moth_erfucker** : AND DIE

 **moth_erfucker** : I AM A DOCTOR I CAN TELL WHEN I AM DYING

 **moth_erfucker** : AND THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE END

 **plantastic** : relationship goals

 **chettta** : ok i totally feel ferre but imagine THAT but instead of sharing the bed with ONE other person, its TWO other people

 **_feuilly_** : oh my god that sounds both amazing and horribly terrible

 **_feuilly_** : gaymorning everyone

 **chettta** : gaymorning

 **plantastic** : gaymorning

 **AP0LL0** : FINALLY

 **AP0LL0** : GAYMORNING

 **AP0LL0** : ok i will wait to go over the master plan until we have more people up but lets meet at cafe musain at 11ish?

 **AP0LL0** : but anyone can come earlier i have been here since 6

 **moth_erfucker** : jesus christ enjolras

 **plantastic** : i have just one question

 **plantastic** : why

 **_feuilly_** : tbh im not surprised at all

 **chettta** : does it rlly take u 4 hours to make protest posters

 **AP0LL0** : for ur information i am actually working on my ACTUAL work but i thought i would just get a head start on some of these mayoral reports and whatnot.

 **MariusFucker** : i still find it so weird that ur working for my dad

 **AP0LL0** : goodmorning cosette.

 **AP0LL0** : i couldnt have got this job without your connections

 **MariusFucker** : FAKE

 **MariusFucker** : you could have done it on pure willpower and persistence  

 **AP0LL0** : i dont know, before i got this assistant job, my face was posted in the security offices with a tagline that said “DO NOT LET THIS PERSON IN - UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES”

 **AP0LL0** : so needless to say i did not have many friends in the mayor's office.

 **chettta** : oh my god???

 **chettta** : what did you do to get banned from the mayor’s office

 **johncena** : omg wait i love this story can i tell it

 **johncena** : also gaymorning everyone

 **chettta** : gaymorning

 **AP0LL0** : sure go ahead bahorel

 **johncena** : ok there we were, it was me enjolras, marius and joly outside mayor valjeans office and oh god i dont even remember what we were protesting this was back in like 2012,.. i think it was to like legalize gay marriage? nope, yes i remember now, enjolras was wearing a rainbow crop top and really heavy eyeliner so yes it was a gay rights thing. oh my god THAT WAS SOMETHING TO SEE like u think enjorlas usually looks hot?? you have SEEN NOTHING if u havent seen him in crop tops and messed up heavy eyeliner.

 **AP0LL0** : i regret letting u tell this story

 **claude_moneY** : i have been summoned

 **claude_moneY** : i am awake

 **claude_moneY** : are we talking about how hot apollo is bc like, i am here for that

 **AP0LL0** : OH MY GOD

 **AP0LL0** : i love how friends can just compliment each other like this? u know?? like in a friend way??

 **claude_moneY** : anyways…

 **chettta** : tag urself im enjolras

 **johncena** : ANYWAYS, there we were, and thats when enjolras saw valjean inside

 **CosetteFucker** : AND THATS WHEN I SAW COSETTE

 **chettta** : gaymorning marius

 **CosetteFucker** : goodmorning musichetta

 **CosetteFucker** : i love this story

 **CosetteFucker** : there we were, i was there for moral support bc u know im straight but i totally supported lgbt rights so i was protesting nonetheless

 **johncena** : fine take over my story its totally fine

 **CosetteFucker** : and then i see enjolras turn and get really angry and start to run up the steps of the mayor’s office and i see bahorel try and run after him and im like??? where is he going??

 **CosetteFucker** : and then i turn

 **CosetteFucker** : and i dont even notice enjorlas tackling the mayor to the ground

 **CosetteFucker** : bc i had just seen the most beautiful girl i had ever seen. she was glorious standing there in the midst of all the chaos. graceful and poised yet self assured and powerful. like, i felt like i was falling. like literally falling and that i was going to hit the ground and every little molecule in my body was on edge and then… she looked at me…  i was electrified i was totally aware of my surroundings and yet in the same moment i had forgotten where i was. I was awake yet it felt like a dream.

 **MariusFucker** : LMAO

 **MariusFucker** : I saw u and u were at a gay rights rally.

 **MariusFucker** : Dressed head to toe in rainbows.

 **MariusFucker** : so naturally, i assumed u were gay

 **MariusFucker** : so I was like "aw too bad" and went home.

 **_feuilly_** : relationship goals

 **moth_erfucker** : tag urself im cosette 

 **johncena** : tag urself im marius hijacking my story

 **claude_moneY** : tag urself im marius every time enj walks in the room

 **AP0LL0** : u shouldnt assume sexuality cosette

 **MariusFucker** : I KNOW THAT BUT I THOUGHT THAT IF I WENT UP TO HIM AND LIKE, STARTED FLIRTING WITH HIM HE WOULD BE LIKE "wtf r u kidding me?" U KNOW??

**plantastic** : tag urself im feuilly thinking that one person thinking the other is gay and giving up right away is realtionship goals

**_feuilly_** : okay but look at where they are. look at where they started. the fact that theyre together is a miracle. if they could stay together that would be enough to get me to believe in love at first sight.

 **CosetteFucker** : IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

 **AP0LL0** : tag ureslf im actually me, tackling my future boss to the ground on what turned out to be a MAJOR mistake

 **claude_moneY** : mayorjor mistake

 **plantastic** : why was it a mistake?

 **johncena** : BC MY DEAR JEHAN

 **johncena** : one of the major reasons for that rally if i recall correctly was bc valjean campaigned on the notion that he would fight for lgbt rights but at that point he had been in office for months and hadnt done anything.

 **johncena** : little did we know that valjean was actually on his way to a meeting with higher delegates where he would put up a bill that had some protections for the lgbt community, and also he played a key role in getting gay marriage legalized back in 2013.

 **AP0LL0** : yeah but we didnt know that

 **AP0LL0** : i thought he was just trying to get the minority vote

 **plantastic** : so u tackled him

 **AP0LL0** : essentially

 **johncena** : yeah they had enjolras pinned on the ground in handcuffs it was so hilarious

 **johncena** : they wanted to arrest him but valjean stepped in and was just like lmao let him go its chill.

 **CosetteFucker** : and then i called eponine and made a bet that she wouldnt be able to find this girl that was standing next to the mayor today

 **MariusFucker** : OMG I REMEMBER THAT

 **MariusFucker** : its funny bc me and ep had been texting all day bc like we were best frens even back then

 **epo9** : i am alive.

 **epo9** : gay morning

 **epo9** : i  remember tricking marius into giving me money to find her.

 **epo9** : i was like ‘hmmm…. thats a tough one bud, i can do it but it’ll cost you…”

 **CosetteFucker** : WTF THE HECK??

 **epo9** : and literally while me and marius were talking i was texting cosette and i was like ‘lmao should i trick this boy into paying me?’

 **epo9** : and of course cosette said yes

 **CosetteFucker** : HONESTLY I FEEL SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW i DIDNT KNOW THIS

 **CosetteFucker** : THAT WAS ALL  MY MONEY

 **CosetteFucker** : I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAD

 **epo9** : it was only like €11 and a giftcard to starbucks that only had like 2 euros left on it??

 **CosetteFucker** : EXACTLY!!!

 **Cosetteucker** : THAT WAS ALL MY MONEY!!

 **_feuilly_** : IM LAHGHING SO HARD

 **plantastic** : YAY FOR BEING POOR!!!

 **_feuilly_** : what happened next

 **CosetteFucker** : do u really wanna know?

 **_feuilly_** : marius i have heard you tell this story like a billion times, especially when ur drunk

 **_feuilly_** : and by  drunk i mean had 1 lite beer and start crying in the corner about how much you love cosette

 **_feuilly_** : but this time we get commentation by cosette and eponine about what ACTUALLY happened That One Summer Gay Day at Pride Where Two Straight People Fell In Love

 **BossAssBitch** : #EXPOSED

 **MariusFucker** : excuse me im not straight AT ALL

 **MariusFucker** : LMAO U  THOUGHT

 **BossAssBitch** : #EXPOSED ##AGAIN

 **epo9** : i can confirm the fact that cosette is not in fact, straight

 **CosetteFucker** : honestly i fear the day when cosette will leave me for ‘ponine

 **epo9** : GOALS

 **_feuilly_** : aNYWAYS

 **_feuilly_** : the story pls

 **MariusFucker** : and then ep texted me and was like ‘my lame friend said that he saw u at a pride rally and hes now in love w/ u or smthng, do u want me to set u guys up or nah.’ and she sent me his insta un.

 **MariusFucker** : and his instagram was full of blurry pictures of his friends, selfies with random dogs he finds on the street and really outdated memes. thats when i knew he was the one.

 **plantastic** : Love At First Instagram Aesthetic

 **claudemoneY** : ok but tbh im always a slut for a good instagram aesthetic

 **chettta** : besides me, grantaire definitely has the best instagram aesthetic in this group

 **claudemoneY** : my art degree is finally paying off.

 **AP0LL0** : i thought you had a degree in dance?

 **claudemoneY** : yeah that too.

 **AP0LL0** : ???

 **jolyranchers** : I AM AWAKE AND FINALLY CAUGHT UP ON THIS CONVERSATION

 **jolyranchers** : 1. enjolras its not good to only sleep 4 hours every night you gotta sleep more my dude. 2. i remember that day it was rlly wild 3. i am now realizing that we need more lesbians in this group there is only eponine?? Or just girls in general???

 **epo9** : RETWEET

 **jolyranchers** : 4. enjolras u didnt know that grantaire had more than one degree?? he majored in like 4 things

 **claudemoneY** : 5 but nbd tbh

 **jolyranchers** : honestly idk how he did it, as his roommate in college i can confirm that he procrastinated every single assignment to the last second and still somehow managed to get them done.

 **jolyranchers** : and/or sweet talked his way out of them.

 **AP0LL0** : what else did you major in??

 **claudemoneY** : oh man i dont even know my bro

 **claudemoneY** : lets see, uhh, dance/choreography, music, traditional painting, graphic design, and sculpture

 **AP0LL0** : that is really impressive actually???

 **jolyranchers** : yeah and he worked THROUGH THE WHOLE THING

 **epo9** : #grantaireisunderappreciated2Kforever

 **BossAssBitch** : ^

 **chettta** : ^^

 **MariusFucker** : ^^^

 **CosetteFucker** : ^^^^

 **courffee** : idk about you guys but i have always appreciated taire

 **moth_erfucker** : ^

 **johncena** : ^^

 **plantastic** : ^^^

 **_feuilly_** : ^^^^

 **claudemoneY** : aw u guys :)))

 **claudemoneY** : thats gay wtf chill

 **courffee** : UR gay

 **claudemoneY** :  _sent the image_ **_YouGotMeThere.jpeg_ **

**AP0LL0** : i agree can we get back to politics tho for a sec

 **AP0LL0** : its 9:30 so you all have to be here in an hour and a half or ur on my dunzo list.

 **CosetteFucker** : whats a dunzo list?

 **AP0LL0** : it means you and i.. are dunzo.

 **AP0LL0** : hangin out and getting food together? DUNZO

 **AP0LL0** : carpooling to ABC meetigs? DUNZO

 **AP0LL0** : “hey enjolras wanna come over and talk about the latest episode of how to get away with murder?” no. were DUNZO.

 **moth_erfucker** : courf, babe, we gotta get to the musain like right now

 **courffee** : honestly im still in bed so…

 **moth_erfucker** : yes i know im laying right next to u

 **courffee** : will you make me coffee pls

 **moth_erfucker** : that is so much work tho…

 **courffee** : babe…… pls….. ill give you a blowjob

 **moth_erfucker** : ok g2g going

 **plantastic** : PLS NOT IN THE GROUPCHAT

 **_feuily_** : OH MY GOD

 **courffee** : i am not ashamed. i Will Fuck For Coffee™

 **epo9** : wtf goals tho

 **AP0LL0** : COMBEFFEDER CAN YOU BRING ME COFFEE PLS

 **courffee** : i love my boyfriend, combeffeder

 **AP0LL0** : tbh unnecessary

 

_10:45 am_

 

 **MariusFucker** : me n bae r on our way

 **BossAssBitch** : chill w the rhymes lin miranda

 **MariusFucker** : i take that as a compliment tbh so honestly

 **MariusFucker** :  _sent the image_ **_CongratsYouPlayedYourself.jpeg_ **

**plantastic** : me feuilly and barhorel will be on our way as sooN AS FUCKING FEUILLY GETS OUT OF THE GOD DAMN SHOWER

 **plantastic** : I SWEAR OUR WATER BILL HAS TRIPLED SINCE HE MOVED IN.

 **johncena** : RT

 **_feuilly_** : i feel so attacked right now

 **plantastic** : are u

 **plantastic** : r u on ur phone while ur in the shower

 **_feuilly_** : yes???

 **_feuilly_** : i have a waterproof phone case so??

 **johncena** : OH MY GOD

 **plantastic** : UR TEXTING US WHILE UR NAKED

 **claudemoneY** : We Are All Naked Underneath Our Clothes

 **claudemoneY** : i could be naked right now

 **claudemoneY** : and none of u would ever know it

 **epo9** : except for me who is sitting at ur kitchen table staring at u as u cook me breakfast

 **claudemoneY** : I Could Be Naked Right Now And None of U Would Ever Know it Besides Eponine Who Always Seems To Be At My House Even Though She Has Her Own House

 **epo9** : ur apartment is closer to my work

 **epo9** : do u rlly expect me to ride the metro for THIRTY extra minutes almost every night when i could just sleep on ur couch??? lmao u thought.  

 **chettta** : honestly relatable.

 **johncena** : CAN WE GO BACK TO HOW FEUILLY TEXTS US WHILE HES SHOWERING

 **johncena** : BTW HES STIL SHOWERING. ITS BEEN LIKE 35 MINUTES

 **_feuilly_** : honestly if we’re being honest tbh honestly this is the only time i get by myself in my entire life?? and im just trying to relax for a second?? literally stop attacking me i have done nothing wrong i am pure and perfect

 **johncena** : by relaxing do u mean masterbating bc if u masterbate while texting me i will kick u out of our apartment.

 **_feuilly_** : literally u cant kick me out my name is on the lease i will sue u for everything u own.

 **_feuilly_** : which tbh isnt much

 **_feuilly_** : its like a small couch and half a tub of pringles

 **_feuilly_** : so honestly there wouldnt be much of a point to it

 **_feuilly_** : BUT I WILL DO IT ANYWAY TO BE DRAMATIC

 **johncena** : we arent even dating and this is an abusive relationship

 **plantastic** : im platonic divorcing both of u  this isnt working out

 **plantastic** : everyone pack up ur shit  and be out by the end of the week

 **johncena** : why would u hypothetically get to keep the apartment?

 **plantastic** : bc i got here first

 **johncena** : we moved in at the same time???

 **plantastic** : ya but i was the first one who stepped foot into it. i made sure.

 **johncena** : we had just moved in and u were already planning our friendship divorce??

 **johncena** : oh my god

 **johncena** : i feel attacked

 **johncena** : betrayed

 **johncena** : in my own home

 **johncena** : on this, the day of my daughters wedding

 **johncena** : i think i am going into cardiac arrest

 **johncena** : where is combeferre when u need him

 **courffee** : hes making me breakfast

 **courffee** : but im a doctor too

 **johncena** : ur a doctor for animals

 **courffee** : its basically the same thing

 **courffee** : do u feel any sudden stiffness in ur legs and/or paws

 **courffee** : are u irregularly panting

 **johncena** : i am not a dog courfeyrac

 **courffee** : hmm sounds fake tbh

 **plantastic** : i live with bahorel and i can #confirm that he is actually in fact an actual puppy

 **plantastic** : yesterday he couldnt find a clean spoon and he was too lazy to clean one so he ate his cereal like a dog

 **plantastic** : like right out of the bowl

 **_feuilly_** : he will whine if u dont give him enough attention

 **plantastic** : if u dont walk him at least once a day he will get like, all full of energy and run around the apartment

 **plantastic** : once he knocked over one of my plants and it broke the pot

 **plantastic** : i didnt talk to him for an entire week

 **AP0LL0** : im abouta not talk to any of u every again if u dont get here soon.

 **AP0LL0** : so far only marius and cosette arent on my dunzo list

 **moth_erfucker** : me and courf are on our way

 **AP0LL0** : DID U BRING ME COFFEE

 **moth_erfucker** : yes i brought u coffee

 **AP0LL0** : YAAASSSSS

 **AP0LL0** : FUCK IT UPPPPPP

 **BossAssBitch** : enjolras have u ever thought that maybe ur too dependent on caffeine?

 **AP0LL0** : u know…,,,

 **AP0LL0** : i thought about it..

 **AP0LL0** : i just chose not to do anything about it

 **claudemoneY** : relatable

 **claudemoneY** : me and ep are about to leave in like 20 minutes

 **AP0LL0** : that is not ‘about to leave’

 **claudemoneY** : i am sorry that i value a good breakfast??

 **claudemoneY** : it is the most important meal of the day???

 **AP0LL0** : i  havent eaten since like yesterday at lunch tbh

 **johncena** : HE IS FINALLY OUT OF THE SHOWER

 **johncena** : GOD IS REAL

 **johncena** : ok i am going to shower and then were leaving.

 **johncena** : be there in like 15 minutes

 **chettta** : ok off topic but  SOMEONE

 **chettta** : im not going to say WHO

 **chettta** : BUT SOMEONE forgot to PAY OUR POWER BILL

 **chettta** : SO GUESS WHO HAS NO POWER

 **BossAssBitch** : ok honestly this is uncalled for

 **BossAssBitch** : i have never done anything wrong

 **chettta** : he says, as he is sitting in a dark apartment with no heat and a mad bf and gf staring at him

 **jolyranchers** : honestly u had one job bossuet

 **chettta** : i was IN THE SHOWER AND THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AND I SCREAMED

 **chettta** : I ALMOST DIED BC I ALMOST SLIPped

 **claudemoneY** : ok i have totally been there tho

 **courffee** : ^

 **moth_erfucker** : ^^

 **_feuilly_** : ^^^

 **BossAssBitch** : being an adult is hard i am not perfect

 **BossAssBitch** : i mean of course i am perfect but i do not have a v good memory

 **chettta** : sighS

 **chettta** : i mean i guess this situation does present itself with a v good reason to break out my thousands of candles

 **jolyranchers** : how romantic ;)))))

 **jolyranchers** : ohH YM GOD CAN WE DO IT IN A BLANKET FORT

 **BossAssBitch** : im always a slut for blanket fort sex™

 **plantastic** : THIS IS SIN

 **chettta** : enjolras we are going to be 30 minutes late g2g were gonna have sex in a candle lit blanket fort

 **AP0LL0** : this is very unprofessional we are trying to change the world

 **AP0LL0** : but also wear protection pls i dont want a CHILD brought into this world tbh no thx

 **AP0LL0** : our world is very over populated and and there are thousands of kids waiting to be adopted

 **AP0LL0** : hang on i have a really good article about this look out for that in ur emails everyone

 **johncena** : oh my god

 **MariusFucker** : courfeyrac i know you have already left but by any chance r u bringing glitter i need some for the posters

 **courffee** : HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

 **courffee** : “ARE YOU BRINGING GLITTER”

 **courffee** : THATS SO FUNNY

 **courffee** : AS IF U EVEN HAVE TO ASK

 **moth_erfucker** : this fucking child and his glitter i stg

 **moth_erfucker** : i find it fucking everywhere

 **moth_erfucker** : in our bed, on my clothes, on the couch, you should see the shower after he gets out.

 **moth_erfucker** : THE OTHER DAY I FOUND IT IN THE FUCKING BUTTER

 **moth_erfucker** : HOW DID IT GET IN THERE???

 **moth_erfucker** : HOW DID GLITTER GET INTO THE BUTTER

 **courffee** : um??? rude tbh

 **courffee** : honestly im breaking up with u

 **courffee** : if u cant handle me at my glitter butter than u cant have me at my “courfeyrac can u pls wear your doctor lab coat to bed i swear i dont have a doctor kink you just look really hot in it”

 

_**moth_erfucker** has left the conversation “ **Les** **Amemes** ” _

 

 **courffee** : OH MY GODADFAKSJDHFA

 **claudemoneY** : LKDFHA;SKDJFHA;SDLF

 **epo9** : KDFAH;SDKFHJA; OH MY JESUS CHRIST

 **_feuilly_** : IM SOBBING WHAT THE FUCK

 **courffee** : OMG WERE ON THE METRO RN

 **courffee** : HES NOT TALKING TO ME

 **courffee** : HES IGNORING ME

 **courffee** : I STG HES PRETENDING I DONT EXSIST

 **courffee** : hes so cute when hes angry ngl

 

_**courffee** has added **moth_erfucker** into the group chat “ **Les Amemes** ” _

 

 **courffee** : babe pls

 **courffee** : BABY COME BACK

 **courffee** : I AM SORRY I TOLD THE GROUP ABOUT UR DOCTOR KINK BUT TBH IM PRETTY SURE THE ENTIRE WORLD KNOWS

 **claudemoneY** : i knew

 **epo9** : so did i

 **MariusFucker** : i knew too. Enjolras said that he knew too but his hands are covered in glue so he cant pick up his phone

 **courffee** : PLS

 **courffee** : I LOVE YOU

 **courffee** : pls our stop is coming up and u have my metro card i will be stuck down here forever forced to haunt these metro lines

 **moth_erfucker** : i need new friends tbh

 **epo9** : how will u find another group of friends that so casually accepts ur kinks

 **moth_erfucker** : ok i mean true

 **claudemoneY** : its ok everyone has kinks

 **claudemoneY** : my kink, for example, is dying and being dead

 **_feuilly_** : RT

 **plantastic** : RELATABLE.

 **AP0LL0** : my kink is when MY FUCKING FRIENDS SHOW UP ON TIME FOR SOMETHING

 **AP0LL0** : it is litTERALLY 11:27 AND ONLY MARIUS AND COSETTE ARE HERE

 **AP0LL0** : u r all on my dunzo list

 **AP0LL0** : i am blocking all of u

 **moth_erfuckr** : literally we are almost there

 **chettta** : the holy trinity is leaving now

 **chettta** : and by holy trinity i mean the father, the son, and the holy spirit

 **chettta** : and by the father the son and the holy spirit i mean bossuet joly and me

 **chettta** : we are on our way

 **jolyrancher** : me jehan and bahorel are almost there too

 **epo9** : me and grantaire are walking in rn

 **claudemoneY** : yeah except think i mentioned this before but i cant stay. i have to go to rehearsal and teach these fucking nubes the steps for tonight.

 **claudemoneY** : they dont know the difference between a grand allegro and a pirouette i stg im gonna die

 **claudemoneY** : but anyways, enj i brought you some breakfast bc coffee is not a sustainable meal and you haven’t eaten in almost 24 hours

 **AP0LL0** : oh my god thats so sweet wtf the fuck??

 **AP0LL0** : thank you thats actually really nice???

 **claudemoneY** : no prob my dude

 **claudemoneY** : ok g2g gonna be late

 **claudemoneY** : ur all coming to my show tonight right

 **chettta** : yes

 **jolyrancher** : wouldnt miss it my man

 **AP0LL0** : definitely

 **epo9** : ofc

 **courffee** : ^

 **moth_erfucker** : ^^

 **johncena** : ^^^

 **BossAssBitch** : YAAASSS FUCK IT UPPPPPPP

 **_feuilly_** : tag urself im bossuet

 **MariusFucker** : YES I CANT WAIT

 **CosetteFucker** : is it fancy can we dress up

 **claudemoneY** : i mean its at the Palais Garnier

 **claudemoneY** : so yes fancy would be a good choice

 **CosetteFucker** : what the fuck

 **BossAssBitch** : what the fuck

 **chettta** : what the fuck

 **MariusFucker** : what the fuck

 **moth_erfucker** : what the fuck

 **courffee** : what the fuck

 **MariusFucker** : ENJOLRAS JUST SPIT OUT HIS COFFEE ALL OVER MY POSTER THAT I HAD JUST FINISHED BC WHAT THE FUCK

 **AP0LL0** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **AP0LL0** : WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US YOU WERE PERFORMING AT THE PALAIS GARNIER

 **AP0LL0** : THAT IS LIKE THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS PLACE

 **AP0LL0** : THE ENTIRE BUILDING IS BASICALLY COVERED IN GOLD

 **AP0LL0** : ITS BASICALLY A PALACE

 **AP0LL0** : ONLY THE BEST PERFORM THERE

 **AP0LL0** : THATS LIKE PERFORMING ON BROADWAY

 **AP0LL0** : WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US

 **AP0LL0** : WE COULD HAVE CELEBRATED

 **courffee** : this is so WERID I HAVE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOU DANCE BEFORE

 **moth_erfucker** : this is like when ur friend tells u they have a hobby of reading political articles and then they reveal theyre actually the president of the entire united states and canada

 **MariusFucker** : this is like when ur friend retweets a picture of space but then reveals that they are actually neil armstrong aka the first man on the moon.

 **claudemoneY** : ok tbh honestly i assumed that there was more important political stuff that needed ur attention and no one asked so ????

 **courffee** : RT if u feel like the biggest dick in the world rn

 **moth_erfucker** : RT

 **MariusFucker** : RT

 **CosetteFucker** : RT

 **BossAssBitch** : RT

 **_feuilly_** : RT

 **chettta** : RT

 **johncena** : RT

 **jolyranchers** : RT

 **AP0LL0** : RT

 **plantastic** : ok i knew that grantaire had scored somewhere big but he never fucking mentioned it was at the palais garnier

 **plantastic** : so am i a dick?

 **plantastic** : yes

 **plantastic** : but am i as much as a dick as the rest of you?

 **plantastic** : no

 **epo9** : idk about u losers but ive been to grantaires shows loads of times. ive been backstage making out with the cute girl backup dancers

 **epo9** : i am free from sin

 **AP0LL0** : and u didnt think to tell us?

 **epo9** : i assumed everyone knew

 **johncena** : OK TBH THIS GROUP IS TOXIC AND A MESS

 **_feuilly_** : I HATE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH I CANT BELIEVE WE HAVENT BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF OUR LITERAL CHILD, WHOM WE ALL COLLECTIVELY BIRTHED.

 **plantastic** : how did you get us all tickets tho. each seat is upwards of like two hundred euros???

 **claudemoneY** : uhhh bc its my show lmao

 **AP0LL0** : LITERALLY I JUST LOOKED UP THE SHOW THAT GRANTAIRE IS IN AND HES THE FUCKING LEAD???????

 **epo9** : he also wrote it

 **claudemoneY** : and did the choreography

 **claudemoneY** : and directed it

 **claudemoneY** : and produced it

 **claudemoneY** : and did the casting

 **claudemoneY** : but lmao nbd

 **plantastic** : WA;SDLKFJAS;LKFJAS

 **courffee** : WHAT DUCK DA;SDFHASD

 **moth_erfucker** : OH MY FOD WHITAS THIS IS THE FUCKING ?? WHT

 **AP0LL0** : what THE FUCK IM READING THE REVEIWS ONLINE AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS POSITIVE

 **AP0LL0** : ITS BEING PUT UP FOR AWARDS???

 **AP0LL0** : THIS IS SO AMAZING

 **chettta** : LOOK AT MY SON

 **jolyranchers** : PRIDE IS NOT THE WORD IM LOOKING FOR

 **BossAssBitch** : THERE IS SO MUCH MORE INSIDE ME NOW

 **_feuilly_** : relationship goals

 **_feuilly_** : bUT ALSP WAHT EHTE FHA;UCK HONESTLY HOW DID WE NOT KNOW THIS I FEEL SO BAD

 **claudemoneY** : honestly my dudes its chill just come see it tonight and tell me what u think

 **plantastic** : this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life

 **chettta** : i am never going to get over this

 **claudemoneY** : ill see u all tonight im walking into rehearsal but tbh this is amazing and these reactions are totally worth the wait

 **chettta** : WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH

 **jolyranchers** : BREAK A LEG

 **AP0LL0** : THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE BREAKFAST R

 **claudemoneY** : ur welcome apollo  

 

_**claudemoneY** has left the group chat “ **Les Amemes** ” _

 

 **moth_erfucker** : how the fuck are we supposed to focus on this rally when we just learned that someone in our group is famous and we had no idea

 **AP0LL0** : honestly i have no idea but lets at least try to get these posters done bc the rally starts in like an hour

 

-o-

 

_**AP0LL0** has a new message from **courffee** _

 

 **courffee** : are u ok my dude,,. u seem a little out of it

 **AP0LL0** : i think im sick

 **courffee** : well i can diagnose animal illnesses but since u are not a dog nor a cat give me a second…

 

_**courffee** has added **moth_erfucker** to the group chat _

 

 **courffee** : babe enjolras thinks hes sick

 **moth_erfucker** : whats wrong fam

 **AP0LL0** : my chest feels like its going to explode?? also my throat got really tight a little earlier this morning and my hands are shaking more than normal and also i feel like im going to throw up

 **moth_erfucker** : well, ok some of those are symptoms. like ur hands are probably shaking bc u have basically only drank coffee for the past 24 hours

 **moth_erfucker** : thank god that grantaire brought you that food tho

 **AP0LL0** : THERE IT IS AGAIN OMG IT FELT LIKE I WAS GONNA THROW UP WTF THE FUCK IM JUST TRYING TO JUST J CHILL

 **courffee** : omg

 **moth_erfucker** : when u said ur throat closed up earlier,.... was that about the time grantaire gave you that food?

 **AP0LL0** : now that u mention it?? yeah?? it was about that time

 **AP0LL0** : why, do u think im allergic to something he gave me???

 **moth_erfucker** : wow yes it was TOTALLY the food yup. u dont think… maybe… it was the PERSON?

 **AP0LL0** : what u think im allergic to grantaire? thats outrageous. i mean if anything maybe im allergic to his cats

 **moth_erfucker** : this is helpless

 **courffee** : honestly its amazing

 **AP0LL0** : except ive been around cats before and this didnt happen so i dont think its the cats

 **moth_erfucker** : i think you’ll be fine for now but im gonna check in a little later. maybe before the show tonight to see how u feel

 **AP0LL0** : i really hope im not sick i really dont want to miss this

 **moth_erfucker** : ull be fine i promise.

 

-o- 

_**epo9** has added **courffee** , **moth_erfucker** , and **jolyranchers** to the groupchat “ **PLACE YA BETS** ” _

 

 **epo9** : me and joly have a bet that enjolras and grantaire will hook up

 **courffee** : they are tbh probably

 **jolyranchers** : except i say that its gonna be by the end of the week

 **moth_erfucker** : the end of the week is in 2 days

 **jolyranchers** : i know what im about son

 **courffee** : how much did you bet

 **jolyranchers** : 10 euros

 **courffee** : ill take that bet

 **moth_erfucker** : i think its gonna take longer than that

 **epo9** : i said the same thing

 **courffee** : ok tbh ur on

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i mess something up just roll with it unless I GET JEHANS PRONOUNS WRONG LET ME KNOW I DONT THINK I DID BUT IF I MISSED SOMETHING TELL ME IM USING THEY/THEM. comment/message me with any headcanons you have that you wanna see in the chat!!
> 
> twitter: OBlWAN_  
> Tumblr: hawwkeyee


	4. GET REKT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SSHOSTS SJHTOOS HSOTOH SO HSOHTOSA;S

Combeferre - moth_erfucker  
Enjolras - AP0LL0  
Joly - jolyranchers  
Grantaire - claudemoneY  
Marius - CosetteFucker  
Cosette - MariusFucker/Cozztte  
eponine -epo9  
bossuet -BossAssBitch  
courfeyrac - courffee  
bahorel - johncena  
jehan - plantastic  
feuilly - _feuilly_  
musichetta - chettta  
montparnasse - memepornASSe

__ -o-

_ you have entered the group chat : “ _ **_Les Amemes_ ** _ ” _

 

_ 6:40 pm _

 

**plantastic:** these seats are so good wtf??

**plantastic:** there is still like 20 minutes till curtain 

**johncena:** by my calculations, together all our seats average to be like £2400 what the fuck it's so LIT RN

**epo9:** grantaire ###confirmed for sugar daddy™

-o-

 

**_AP0LL0_ ** _  has a new message from  _ **_moth_erfucker_ **

 

_ 6:46 _

 

**moth_erfucker:** how are you feeling

**AP0LL0** : I still feel sick like I'm going to throw up? Honestly I never get sick this is such a new feeling for me

**moth_erfucker:** hang on come over i wanna feel ur forehead

**AP0LL0** : ok where r u 

**moth_erfucker:** me n courf are getting skittles

**moth_erfucker:** in courfs words, “ who cares that were adults?? i still wanna TASTE THE FUCKING GAY RAINBOW”

**moth_erfucker** : we got so many weird looks

**AP0LL0** : oh my god u guys r helpless

**AP0LL0** : im omw

 

_ 6:54 _

 

**moth_erfucker:** well u dont have a fever. 

**moth_erfucker** : there is only two other things this could be. 

**moth_erfucker:** cancer

**AP0LL0** : oh god

**AP0LL0:** r u serius????

**moth_erfucker:** no u dumb

**AP0LL0** : what else could it be tho??

**AP0LL0** : im dying

**AP0LL0** : this is the end

**AP0LL0:** i can feel the cancer running through my veins

**moth_erfucker** : i regret saying that

**moth_erfucker** : u dont have cancer

**AP0LL0** : what was the second option

**moth_erfucker** : love sickness

**AP0LL0** : what would u think im in love with?? 

**AP0LL0** : the theater???

**AP0LL0** : which, i mean, i guess??

**AP0LL0** : i DO have a lot of post-rally adrenalin so maybe that?

**AP0LL0** : oh god 

**AP0LL0** : OH GOD 

**moth_erfucker** : enjolras no

**AP0LL0** : im in love with conflict

**AP0LL0** : im in love with rallies???

**moth_erfuckers** : enjolras pls

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the chat _ **_“Les Amems”_ **

 

**jolyranchers** : combeferre and enjolras get off ur phones it about to start

**moth_erfuckers** : i blame enjolras

**AP0LL0** : guys im in love with conflict 

**johncena** : im not going to ask

 

-o-

 

**_moth_erfucker_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**AP0LL0** : oh my god oh my god oh my god 

**moth_erfucker** : ur fine

**AP0LL0** : ur lying arent u.

**AP0LL0** : i have cancer

**AP0LL0** : DONT I??

**moth_erfucker** : no

**moth_erfucker** : its about to start turn off ur phone omg

**AP0LL0** : i cant im so nervous

**moth_erfucker** : for what

**AP0LL0** : i DONT KNOW IM SO EMO WHAT THE FUCK 

 

-o-

 

 ** _moth_erfucker_** _has a new message from_ ** _courffee_**

 

**courffee** : whats wrong with him

**moth_erfucker** : i think hes in love

**courffee** : awe :)

**courffee** : thats gay as shit 

  
  


-o-

 

_ you have entered the chat “ _ **_Les Amemes”_ **

 

**johncena** : WHAT THE FUCK U GUYS THIS IS SO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK

**_feuilly_** : i have litteral tears coming out of my eyes right now

**plantastic** : feuilly its only intermission

**_feuilly_** : i know what im about 

**chettta** : honestly if we are being honest honestly tbh this is the best thing i have ever seen

**chettta** : where is grantaire do u think he has his phone

**epo9** : no he prob wont be on until after the show 

**moth_erfucker** : like tbh i dont even care what happens for the rest of my life, i could die right now and be content

**courffee** : RT

**MariusFucker** : me and ep are in line for snacks where is enjolras and does he want anything

**MariusFucker** : i lost him

**CosetteFucker** : where was the last place u had him?

**MariusFucker:** I think he said smthng about having to go to the bathroom

**johncena** : oh my god u had ONE job

**MariusFucker** : ACTUALLY AS I HAVE JUST STATED, I HAVE TWO JOBS. IM ALSO ON SNACK DUTY FOR UR INFORMATION SO NICE TRY

**BossAssBitch** : Cossssettttttttttttttttee can u get me a kitkat and a water bottle pls its life or death

**MariusFucker** : u got it bro

 

-o-

 

**BossAssBitch** has created a group chat with  **moth_erfucker, plantastic, and courffee**

 

**BossAssBitch** : is there a reason enjolras is having a breakdown in the bathroom or is this just another one of the We Need To Save The Bees™ breakdowns. 

**BossAssBitch** : i asked cosette to get a water bottle for him 

**BossAssBitch** : i am doing a great job at being The Comforter Friend™ tho

**moth_erfucker** : jesus christ

**courffee** : oh my go d

**moth_erfucker** : can u plS tell him that he DOESNT HAVE CANCER AND THAT IT WAS A COMPLETE JOKE

**plantastic** : WHAT THE FUCK

**moth_erfucker** : I REPEAT//… A COMPLETE JOKE

**plantastic** : COMBEFERRE U CANT JOKE ABOUT THAT STUFF TO ENJOLRAS HE TAKES IT WAY TOO LITERALLY AND WILL SEE SYMPTOMS WHEN THERE ARE NONE

**plantastic** : once it took me 2 weeks to convince him he didnt have polio after he looked up his symptoms for a cough on webMD

**moth_erfucker** : POLIO???

**plantastic** : I KNOW

**BossAssBitch** : ok so i asked him if he knew that he didnt have cancer and hes like “yeah i know that its not that” 

**BossAssBitch** : and i was like okay then was is it 

**BossAssBitch** : he wont tell me he says he “Has to be sure” 

**moth_erfucker** : this sounds bad 

 

-o-

 

**_moth_erfucker_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**AP0LL0:** can i talk with you privately about a personal matter

**moth_erfucker** : of course

**AP0LL0** : ok but just promise me that nothing will change after i tell you

**moth_erfucker** : u could tell me you killed someone and nothing would change between us

**AP0LL0** : ok but this is like important

**moth_erfucker** : alright u have my full attention

**AP0LL0** : okay… here it goes…

**AP0LL0** : are u ready

**moth_erfucker** : yes enjolras

**AP0LL0:** r u sure

**moth_erfucker:** yes

**AP0LL0** : r u positive

**moth_erfucker:** there is still time to turn back

**moth_erfucker:** no

**AP0LL0:** ok r u SURE ur POSITIVE

**moth_erfucker:** JESUS CHRIST ENJOLRAS

**AP0LL0:** OKAY OKAY

**AP0LL0:** okay

**AP0LL0:** ok r u ready

**moth_erfucker:** I stg

**moth_erfucker:** yes I'm ready

**AP0LL0** : okay….. 

**AP0LL0** : i think im in love with grantaire 

**moth_erfucker** : ok go on

**AP0LL0** : thats it?????

**AP0LL0** : thats what i had to tell you

**moth_erfucker** : wHAT THE FUCK

**moth_erfucker** : I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMETHING BAD

**moth_erfucker** : I THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS GONNA BE SOMETHING I DIDNT ALREADY KNOW

**moth_erfucker** : I THOUGHT U WERE GONNA TELL ME THAT UR NAME WASNT ACTUALLY ENJOLRAS AND THAT UR SECRETLY A SPY FOR THE GOVERNMENT OR SMTHNG WHAT THE FUCK

**AP0LL0** : WAIT

**AP0LL0** : YOU KNEW??

**moth_erfucker** : YES FOR GODS SAKE EVERYONE KNOWS

**AP0LL0** : HOW??

**moth_erfucker** : oh my god where do i start

**moth_erfucker** : well for one you were freaking out about going on that “”””date””””  with grantaire the other day 

**AP0LL0** : i thought that i made it clear that i was freaking out bc i thought it was gonna be awkward??? bc idk??? like idk i thought MAYBE i might LIKE him in like a FRIEND way but with a LITTLE bit more but i never thought in a THOUSAND years that i would be IN LOVE WITH HIM WHAT THE FUCK 

**moth_erfucker** : that sounds so fake

**moth_erfucker** : deep down i bet u knew the whole time that you ARE IN LOVE WITH him you just didnt want to admit to urself that u r in love with a cynical artist

**AP0LL0** : IM SO CONFUSED

**AP0LL0** : IM HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS 

**AP0LL0** : hang on dont throw around the “L” word

**moth_erfucker** : wWHAT THE FYCK YOU JUST SAID IT LIKE 3 TIMES

**AP0LL0** : seems fake tbh? i have no idea what ur talking about

**AP0LL0** : i am in extreme denial rn

**AP0LL0** : also

**AP0LL0** : HOW DOES EVERYONE KNOW???

**AP0LL0** : NO ONE KNOWS

**moth_erfucker** : hang on

 

-o-

 

**_moth_erfucker_ ** _ has created a group chat with  _ **_epo9, courffee, BossAssBitch, johncena, MariusFucker, CosetteFucker, chettta, jolyranchers, plantastic, _feuilly_,_ ** _ and  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**_moth_erfucker_ ** _  has named the group chat “ _ **_intervention”_ **

 

**moth_erfucker:** ok this is a chat with everyone but grantaire

**moth_erfucker** : we are having an impromptu intervention here for a sec

**moth_erfucker** : who here knew that enjolras is actually in love with grantaire

**moth_erfucker** : everyone who knew, say i

**epo9** : I

**courffee** : i

**BossAssBitch** : i 

**johncena** : i 

**MariusFucker** : i

**CosetteFucker** : even i knew 

**chettta** : i 

**jolyranchers** : i 

**plantastic** : i 

**_feuilly_** : i 

**AP0LL0** : what the fuck

**AP0LL0** : how did all of you knOW AND I DIDNT

**jolyranchers** : awe :) sweetie :) cause ur dumb when it comes to matters of the heart

**johncena** : ur good at so many things enjolras.. just not this

**AP0LL0** : honestly?? i feel attacked

**AP0LL0** : I AM SO FREAKED OUT WHAT THE FUCJ

**AP0LL0** : HONESTLY HE HAS BURST LIKE THE FUCKING MUSIC OF ANGELS

**AP0LL0** : THE LIGHT OF THE SUN

**CosetteFucker** : now u get it

**AP0LL0** : AND MY LIFE??? SEEMS TO STOP AS IF SOMETHING IS OVER?? AND SOMETHING HAS SCARCELY BEGUN

**CosetteFucker** : tbh? this is copyright infringment

**AP0LL0** : IM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT 

**plantastic** : heres what u need to do: take a seat. Have an iced tea.

**AP0LL0** : i need something stronger than that tBH

**johncena** : we can go to a bar after this

**AP0LL0** : i meant like a strong black coffee so i can get wired and stay up all night making color coded charts to find exactly where In My Life™  i started liking grantiare

**AP0LL0** : but that works too

**courffee** : RT

**MariusFucker** : ok this is rlly amazing and im glad enjolras is finally having a breakthrough but the lights are flashing and intermission is almost over we need to get back to our seats.

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_Les Amemes”_ **

 

**johncena:** GRANTAIRE THAT WAS SO GOOD

**MariusFucker** : HONESYLU THAT WAS THE BEST HTING I AHVE EVER SEEN I MY ENTIRE LIFE

**plantastic** : I AM SOBBING

**chettta** : WHERE CAN I DOWNLOAD THE SOUNDTRACK

**courffee** : GRANTAIRE YOU WROTE THAT????????????????

**chettta** : WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE IM TALKING TO LIN MANUEL MIRANDA RN???

**jolyranchers** : TBH TRUE

**jolyranchers** : MUSICHETTA I FOUND THE SOUNDTRACK ON ITUNES DO YOU WANNA POOL UR MONEY WITH ME AND BOSSUT AND DOWNLOAD IT???

**jolyranchers** : BC ITS LIKE 2O FUCKING EUROS 

**chettta** : FUCK YESSSSSSSS

**moth_erfucker** : I LAUGHED I CRIED I CRIED SOME MORE AND LAUGHED AND I AM LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU 

**BossAssBitch** : SMAE WHAT THE FYCJ

**CosetteFucker** : lets go stage door him 

**_feuilly_** : ALREADY ON IT

**epo9** : guys i know the security guard hes super chill i can get us back there come on follow me 

 

**epo9** : GRANTAIRE WHERE ARE YOU

**claudemoneY** : HELLOW OMG YOU GUYS THESE MESSAGES ARE SO SWEET

**claudemoneY** : IM IN MY DRESSING ROOM 

**claudemoneY** : COME IN 

**plantastic** : i brought u flowers bc ur a flower :)

**claudemoneY** : ;SLDKFJA;SF THATS THE NICEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ANYONE IN THE HISTORY OF ALL OF MANKIND

**claudemoneY** : honestly im really glad you all came it means a lot to me

**AP0LL0** : grantaire this was really really amazing literally this is so good it was a work of art 

**moth_erufucker** : ;))))))))

**claudemoneY** : THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH WHAT THE FUCK

**johncena** : AFTER PARTY ANYONE?? FREE DRINKS FOR ANYONE WHO WROTE THEIR OWN BALLET 

**claudemoneY** : yaaasssss

**claudemoneY** : hang on that wasnt gay enough

**claudemoneY** : YAAAASSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

**plantastic** : THIS IS GONNA BE SO LIT

**chettta** : do u think we can all fit into my 5 person car

**_feuilly_** : yes

**BossAssBitch** : musichetta no

**jolyranchers** : musichetta yes

**moth_erfucker** : do u know HOW many injuries are sustained from car accidents every year???

**moth_erfucker** : 20-50 MILLION A YEAR

**moth_erfucker** : AND ALMOST 2 MILLION OF THOSE PEOPLE DIE

**moth_erfucker** : THATS ALMOST 4 THOUSAND PEOPLE A DAY 

**moth_erufucker** : DO NOT BECOME A STATISTIC 

**chettta** : ok but i drive rlly fast so if we are thinking mathematically, the shorter amount of time we spend on the street, the less likely it is that we get into an accident

**chettta** : so TBH ur safe with me

**moth_erfucker** : I dont even have TIME to explain how wrong u r 

**moth_erfucker** : actually, its gonna bug me if i dont

**courffee** : here we go 

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_best frens_ ** _ ” with  _ **_AP0LL0_ ** _ ,  _ **_moth_erfucker, and plantastic_ **

 

**AP0LL0** : im gonna tell grantaire personally how good he did

**moth_erfucker** : go for it my dude

**plantastic** : fuck it uppppp

 

-o-

  
  


**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**AP0LL0:** hey i just wanted to say again how immensely wonderful that was

**AP0LL0** : like literally, that was better than the Nutcracker, Swan Lake, and all the Shakespeare ballets put together. It was so full of depth and character and really REALLY GOOD, great job R, im proud of you :)

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_best frens_ ** _ ” _

 

**AP0LL0** : ok i did it

**AP0LL0** : im freaking out

**plantastic** : what did he say

**moth_erfucker** : pics or it didnt happen

**AP0LL0** : he hasnt replied hang on ill send u screenshots 

 

-o-

 

**_AP0LL0_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_claudemoneY_ **

 

**claudemoneY** : wow.. thats really really nice!  thanks apollo

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat  _ **_“best frens”_ **

 

**AP0LL0** :  _ sent an image  _ **_receipts1.jpeg_ **

**plantastic** : oh my god this is so pure and innocent. 

**moth_erfucker** : “better than shakespeare” :,) im crying

**AP0LL0** : am i doing good

**plantastic** : ur doing fine

**moth_erfucker** : ok now say something else nice

**AP0LL0** : ok here i go 

-o-

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

  
  


**AP0LL0** : like i always knew you were talented but i just assumed that you were off doing other things when u miss meetings or smthng i never thought that you were writing an award winning ballet 

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat  _ **_“best frens”_ **

 

**AP0LL0** :  _ sent an image  _ **_receipts2.jpeg_ **

**plantastic** : aaaaaaannnnddd u lost it 

**moth_erfucker** : oh my god

**AP0LL0** : WHAT DID I DO

**moth_erfucker** : ok dont freak out but that seemed a tiny bit passive aggressive 

**plantastic** : like, bringing up where he has failed to accomplish something, coming to meetings, isnt the best way to compliment something

**AP0LL0** : oh no

**AP0LL0** : I DIDNT MEAN THAT

**AP0LL0** : hang oN HE TEXTED BACK

-o-

 

**_AP0LL0_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_claudemoneY_ **

  
  


**claudemoneY** : wow. thats really REALLY nice! thanks apollo. 

**AP0LL0** : OK THAT CAME OFF WRONG

**AP0LL0** : i MEANT IT IN A GOOD WAY IM SORRY

**claudemoneY** : LMAO ITS FINE I GET IT

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_best frens”_ **

 

**AP0LL0** :  _ sent an image  _ **_receipts3.jpeg_ **

**AP0LL0** : IM SOBBING WHAT DO I DO 

**moth_erfucker** : honestly this is so cute

**plantastic** : enjolras have u even been in a real relationship before 

**AP0LL0** : YEAH I DATED A GUY IN COLLEGE ASK JOLY

**AP0LL0** : it lasted ALMOST 3 weeks but he broke up with me… 

**AP0LL0** : …. because i wasnt a good communicator on the topic of feelings…

**AP0LL0** : give me ANY issue and i could debate it in my sleep. I can write 15 page essays in under an hour on historical inequalities. but i cant fucking use basic complete sentences when talking to a cute boy??? what the fuck

**plantastic** : awwwwwwwwwwwwww

**plantastic** : you called him cute :))))

**moth_erfucker** : AAWWWWWWWW 

**moth_erfucker** : im gonna screenshot this and show it to you in 10 years when ur married to him

**AP0LL0** : honestly im just tryin to chill. 

**plantastic** : just tell him how u feel 

**moth_erfucker** : be honest 

**plantastic** : pretend ur writing a review on a website or smtng 

**AP0LL0** : ok i got this

 

-o-

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

**AP0LL0** : no but seriously, you should be really proud of yourself, the metaphors that you created with the characters were phenomenal. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. and i absolutely did NOT expect that twist ending?? but rlly it was dark yet sophisticated, had lots of plot yet none of it took away from the dancing. Even with no dialogue the emotions that were being displayed were real and genuine?? AND THE SOUNDTRACK!!!! the music alone made me tear up. it felt so… passionate.. like.. full of hurt and pain and love and hope and light and mystery.. this will definitely influence the way ballet is done in the future. 

**claudemoneY** : ok coming from you this means a lot 

**AP0LL0** : really? whys that

**claudemoneY** : bc u dont bullshit ppl

**claudemoneY** : and i know i can believe in almost whatever u say bc u are 95% of the time 100% correct. 

**AP0LL0** : im not lying when i say that this is the best ballet i have seen or will ever see in my entire life. 

**claudemoneY** : thank you so much enj 

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat  _ **_“best frens_ ** _ ” _

 

**AP0LL0** :  _ sent an image  _ **_receipts4.jpeg_ **

**AP0LL0** : AHHHHH

**moth_erfucker** : GOT EM!!!

**plantastic** : BACK ON TRACK!!!!

**moth_erfucker** : back on track!!!

**AP0LL0** : see?? i can do stuff!!! 

**AP0LL0** : also where is everyone. i know we talked in grantaires dressing room that joly, bossuet, grantaire, and eponine would go with musichetta in their car and get a table at cafe musain

**plantastic** : courf, combeferre, feuilly, and bahorel got an uber 

**plantastic** : and u me n marius n cosette r with u on the metro in case u forgot or suddenly went blind. 

**moth_erfucker** : ya we will be there in like 2 minutes

**AP0LL0** : ok cool we r getting off now and walking there

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat  _ **_“Les Amemes_ ** **”**

 

_ 10:03 pm _

 

**johncena** : hey enjolras theres a seat open over next to me and grantaire!

 

-o-

 

**_johncena_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**AP0LL0** : I WILL MURDER U 

**johncena** : love u!

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_Les Amemes”_ **

 

**AP0LL0** : haha okay!

**BossAssBitch** :  A ROUND OF DRINKS ON ME

**BossAssBitch** : and when i  say “”on me””” i really mean pls, put ur drinks on me, as in, in my hand, as in, pls buy me a drink i am poor and thirsty af 

**_feuilly_** :  A ROUND OF DRINKS ON ME 

**_feuilly_** : and when i say “””on me”” i mean, pls, put ur drinks ON ME, as in, who wants to do body shots. 

**johncena** : I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE 

**epo9** : OH MY GOD

**epo9** : brb i gotta pee

**chettta** : im coming w u 

**epo9** : yaasss

**MariusFucker** : do they take ApplePay here

**_feuilly_** : yes

**courffee** : we are walking in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**moth_erfucker** : THE PARTY DONT START TILL I WALK INNNNN

**AP0LL0** : ok no but srsly WHO IS GONNA PAY

**_feuilly_** : we're not gonna pAYYY

**AP0LL0** : oh no

**_feuilly_** : WERE NOT GONNA PAAaAAAYYYYY

**AP0LL0** : what have I done

**_feuilly_:** WERE NOT GONNA PAAAAYYYYYYYYYY

**_feuilly_** : LASST YEARS REEENNNTT!!!

**claudemoneY** : we all have to pay eventually

**epo9** : chill

**plantastic** : who dares me to go flirt with the guy at the bar and see if i can get him to buy me a drink

**AP0LL0** : PLS DO IT

**jolyranchers** : he looks rlly hardcore be careful

**AP0LL0** : give us The Signal™ if u need one of us to intervene  

**courffee** : jehan i bet u 5 euros u cant get him to buy u a drink

**moth_erfucker** : WHY dont u just buy a drink with that money

**courffee** : bc i like living on the edge

**plantastic** : HERE I GOOOOOO

**johncena** : YAASSS FUCK IT UPPP

**moth_erfucker** : courfeyrac have u ever thought that maybe u have a gambling problem 

**courffee** : I LIKE LIVING ON THE EDGE

**jolyranchers** : OOH MY GOD JEHAN IS DOING IT 

**jolyranchers** : I WENT UP TO BUY DRINKS AND ALSO CHECK WHATS UP AND THEYRE HARDCORE FLIRTING 

**plantastic** : omg guys this guy is so cute

**claudemoneY** : he looks like someone right out of Grease™

**AP0LL0** : or from a hardcore motorcycle gang-cult

**BossAssBitch:** is that blood on his shirt???

**jolyranchers** : yes

**epo9** : lmao i have a friend like this

**BossAssBitch** : oh my god jehan get out of there

**plantastic** : bUT HES SO CUTE HANG ON

**AP0LL0** : i think i should step in

**AP0LL0** : no one touches jehan

**plantastic** : he hasnt touched me???

**AP0LL0** : hes looking at u tho

**plantastic** : THATS CUZ IM TALKIN TO HIM

**plantastic** : DAD PLS

**chettta** : WAIT WHATS HAPPENING EPONINE IS FIXING HER MAKEUP

**claudemoneY** : jehan is crackin names and takin skulls

**chettta** : what does this guy look like is he worthy of our child?

**claudemoneY** : hes attractive in a dark emo kinda way 

**claudemoneY** : and DAMN CAN HE PUT AN OUTFIT TOGETHER.

**claudemoneY** : he looks super hardcore

**claudemoneY** : like, he’ll steal ur guy n then steal ur guys clothes n then steal YOU IN ur guys clothes. 

**plantastic** : i know right its so hot

**jolyranchers** : this is ABC news bringing you an update on the events that are unraveling

**jolyranchers** : i am standing here at the scene, e.i., at the bar next to jehan and mystery guy, pretending to not eavesdrop and doing a really good job of looking inconspicuous. e.i., loudly saying phrases such as “Wow i LOVE minding my own business” and “Im DEFINITELY not eavesdropping.”

**AP0LL0** : WHAT IS THE UPDATE

**jolyranchers** : the update is that mystery guy has just asked our jehan on a date

**AP0LL0** : IM COMING OVER TO HAVE A TALK WITH HIM ABOUT HIS INTENTIONS

**plantastic** : ENJOLRAS NO PLS ITS FINE HES REALLY NICE I SWEAR OMG ITS FINE DAD PLS 

**AP0LL0** : okay fine but i stg i WILL beat him up if u ask me to 

**AP0LL0** : joly what is happening from an unbiased point of veiw

**AP0LL0** : is he being nice

**jolyranchers** : actually yes. Emo HardCore Head To Toe In Black Clothes And Embroidered Flower Patterns On His Jacket™ is really courteous. 

**epo9** : wait

**jolyranchers** :  JEHAN JUST ASKED HIM HIS NAME

**jolyranchers** : THIS JUST IN..,. MYSTERY GUYS NAME IS MONTPARNASSE

**chettta** : eponine just screamed and fell down

**chettta** : idk why

**epo9** : OHB NY GOASD

**epo9** : OHEDKFAJHSD FOHEAN JOAH AN DOH MY OGD

**epo9** : A;SDKLHFA;SKD FA

**AP0LL0** : WHAT IS IT

**epo9** : HANG ON 

  
  
  


-o-

 

**_memepornASSe_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_epo9_ **

 

**epo9** : oh mY GOD IM GOIHNG TO KILL YOU MONYASRNESSE

**epo9** : DONT YOU DARE HOOKUP WITH JEHAN

**epo9** : I SWEAR TO GO D IF U TOUCH MY CHILD I WILL FUICK ING MUR D E R YOU 

**memepornASSe** : eponine what thE FUCK R U talking about

**epo9** : JEHAN 

**memepornASSe** : WHO IS JEHAN 

**epo9** : THEY PERSON UR TALKING TO 

**memepornASSe** : WHAT THETH FUCK HOW DO UY KNOW i WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE

**epo9** : BC IM  IN THE BATHROOM 

**epo9** : STAYYYYY AWWWAYYYY

**memepornASSe** : FOR UR INFORMATION EPONINE I WANST GOING TO SLEEP WITH JEHAN

**memepornASSe** : what does jehan go by???? 

**memepornASSe** : honestly i cant tell 

**epo9** : u mean gender wise??

**memepornASSe** : yes 

**epo9** : ///…. they/them,..,,,.,..,.,

**memepornASSe** : OKA COOL THX I WASNT SURE LMAO

**epo9** : …,.,, why do u ask ..,.,.,.,./

**mempornASSe** : ????????????????? bc????? despite what everyone thinks????? im a decent human fucking being???????

**memepornASSe** : Punks Respect Pronouns. 

**memepornASSe** : get w the game ponine

**epo9** : im 

**epo9** : hm

**memepornASSe** : what 

**epo9** : just ??? 

**epo9** : usually u just have one night stands and dont even bother asking stuff like this???

**epo9** : like?? remember last week?? when u slept with that guy for 3 nights straight and never even learned his name>>????

**epo9** : it was george by the way. 

**epo9** : and he makes decent pancakes so. 

**memepornASSe** : ok??? AND??? 

**memepornASSe** : AM I NOT ALLOWED TO JUST TALK TO SOMEONE WITHOUT THE INTENTION OF SLEEPING WITH THEM??

**epo9** : HISTORICALLY NO

**memepornASSe** : also how do u know that that dude makes decent pancakes

**epo9** : his name is george

**memepornASSe** ; FINE how did u know that GEORGE makes decent pancakes

**epo9** : bc we live in the same apartment parnesse

**epo9** : and after u leave sometimes ur fuck buds make breakfast

**memepornASSe** : ?????

**epo9** : :)

**epo9** : ANYWAYS

**epo9** : Jehan is very very special and the literal best and i dont what u to DO ANYTHING TO EVER HURT THEM EVER IN THE ENTIRETY OF EVER

**memepornASSe** : ok i wont 

**epo9** : IM SERIOUS

**memepornASSe** : OK I WONT

**epo9** : IM FUCKING SERIOUS 

**memepornASSe** : OK !!!! I !!!! WONT !!!!!

  
  


-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat  _ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

**epo9** : hey guys 

**AP0LL0** : WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT

**chettta** : shes still screaming

**chettta** : but now in like a hopefull happy scream???

**epo9** : I  KNOW WHO MONTPARNASSE I S

**plantastic** : HOW???

**epo9** : HES MY ROOMMATE LMAO!!!!!!

**claudemoneY** : what tHE FUCK THAT WAS THE MYSTERY ROOMMATE WHO IVE NEVER MET???

**epo9** : YEAH

**_feuilly_** : how have u never met him ur at eponines house like alll the time

**epo9** : actually fake

**claudemoneY** : WE MOSTLY STAY AT MY HOUSE BC EPONINES IS IN A MORE  BAD PART OF THE CITY AND MINE IS ALWAYS CLOSER THAN HERS

**claudemoneY** : i think ive only been to eponines like TWICE

**claudemoneY** : the first time someone thought i was a prostitute and tried to lure me into their car and the second time i was offered heroin THREE times by THREE different people

**epo9** : ITS ALWAYS LIT IN MY HOOD!!!

**claudemoneY** : its SCARY

**claudemoneY** : but i always knew that ponine had a roommate but i never knew who he was 

**plantastic** : well

**plantastic** : i have a date with him :)

**plantastic** : hes buying drinks for the whole table :))

**plantastic** : ur welcome :)))

**plantastic** : courfeyrac pay up :))))

**courffee** : THE PERSON THE MYTH THE LEGEND

**AP0LL0** : good im glad hes coming over to sit with us. i have to have a word with this “montparnasse” guy

**AP0LL0** : if that even IS his real name

**plantastic** : i stg if any of u embarrassed me i will END U 

**MariusFucker** : awww :))) what could we ever  do to embarrass our little child??

**plantastic** : i will block u 

**claudemoneY** : COME ON LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED THOOOOOO

**moth_erfucker** : ^^^^^^

**claudemoneY** : SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS

**_feuilly_** : here we go 

 

_ 10:39 pm _

 

**AP0LL0** : IM AL READY DRINK WTF THE FUCK

**johncena** : enjolras ur such lightweight oh my god

**jolyranchers** : dont u be fretting enhelras im not far behin d;;))))))

  
  


_ 10:58 pm  _

 

**plantastic** :  hguy s im  in love

**moth_erfucker** : me too

**courffee** : ME URSELF IM TAG

**johncena** : ursellf tag im me

**chettta** : im urself tag me

**CosetteFucker** : me im ursself tag

**AP0LL0** : mE TOO 

**jolyranchers** : a;alkjdf me oyoo

**BossAssBitch** : MEEE

**MariusFucker** : ^^^

**_feuilly_** :  a;sld i do u eve r thiink about how snake is just one long throat ?????   
  


_ 11:51 pm _

 

**claudemoneY** : pls someone get apollo off the table hes giving political speeches 

 

_ 12:11 am _

 

**chettta** : whetsrs bossuet he neesds to gi ve me a lap dance 

**BossAssBitch** : bab e i aowuld love to but im with joly who is thorwing up in the mathroom

**BossAssBitch** : maht rbeom 

**BossAssBitch** : bathroom 

**chettta** : HWAT THE FUCK IM COMCIANG 

 

_ 12:57 am  _

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_The Holy Trinity”_ **

 

**jolyranchers** : u hguys r the best boyfriend adn fgirlfriend in the netuire universe of fbaoydrineds and giurlfrine ds

**chettta** : joly ur so durnk rn 

**chettta** : : i loive u tho

**chettta** : joly?

**BossAssBitch** : yeahh.,,,.,. jlly just droppesd his pohone in the vomit filled toilet

**chettta** : jesus crhirst im on my way  

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_Les Amemes”_ **

 

**moth_erfucker** : I S ANDYONE ELSE WORRIED ABOUT WH A T  TIhER GON NA DO IN TEHW NEW STAR TREK TV SERSIES?? I M JUST REALLY WORREID TH ATTHEY WONT DO IT RI GHT AND  IV  E BEEN CARRY IT ALL ON SHOULJD ER S 

**moth_erfucker** : do u wnna know a tru e cool space fa c t? 

**moth_erfucker** : if u llllook up there it is

**BossAssBitch** : wat the wfuck athstas so trippy

 

_ 1:32 am _

 

**claudemoneY** : HERE W E GO 

**claudemoneY** : im fainally out there

**claudemoneY** : jus tlike them gay aliens

**claudemoneY** : NEWS FLA SH all aliens r gay 

**moth_erfucker** : have any on e  see my phone???

**johncena** : combbererefer im staring at u rn ur holding uit 

**courffee** : i laove my boyfeunad combberererfer

**moth_erfucker** : a;DKHFA;SKLDFJHA; DFI FORGOT I WAS AHODLING IT OMASDKFA;SLDFK

**cluadmoneY** : paris

**claudemoneY** : the ciry of love

**claudemoneY** : more liake the ciry of GAY AMIRTIE

**AP0LL0** : ADJAF;;LAKSJD UR SO RIGHT GRANTIARE AHHAHA UR SO FUNNY!!! U GOT THEM SO HARD!!!! DLKFJ;AKJAHAHHAHAHAH HAHAH WOW!!! 

**claudemoneY** : “”””????? 

 

-o-

 

**_clademoneY_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**AP0LL0** : ur cute 

**claudemoneY** : ur drink

**AP0LL0** : so r u

**claudemoneY** : trru e

 

_ 2:03 am  _

 

**MariusFucker** : where did feeeily go th e a;last time i seen him he w a s undder a table crying abouyo being single

**claudemoneY** : i THINk him and bathroel wen t home””?? 

**CosetteFucker** : ;))))))))))))(;;)))

  
  


-o-

 

**_moth_erfucker_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_courffee_ **

 

**courffee** : bab e  where   r u 

**courffee** : hon

**courrffee** : swee tea

**courffee** : i fcant find u

**courffee** : baby cakes

**courffee** : baba y

**courffee** : sugar

**courffee** : daraling

**courffee** : doll

**courffee** : if u don t reply th en nicknames will stsart gettin g m eaner

**courffee** : loser

**courffee** : emo 15 year old phase

**courffee** : magikarp

**courffee** : last piece of bread

**courffee** : burnt pasta

**courffee** : the dust at the bottom of cereal bags

**courffee** : capitalism

**courffee** : HWHERE R U 

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the chat _ **_“Les Amemes”_ ** **  
**  


_ 2:56 pm _

 

**courffee** : guysd i cant find comebreffre

**epo9** : wehere was the last place u had ahim 

**courffee** : at the table 

**epo9** : n whate wwere u doin

**courffee** : talkin iaabout star wars n he mubmled something about space

**epo9** : there u go 

**courffee** : ?????

**epo9** : what s the one thaign comebrereras tingsks about wen hes drunak besdise  uou and weidrd moth stiff

**courffee** : found him

**courffee** : u were right

**courffee** : hes was lwayhing in the middle of the street bloscking cars so he acould look at the stars

**epo9** : ur ewelcome

 

_ 3:29 am  _

 

**claudemoneY** : someon  shoud tporbdably get apollpo home ehes passed oust behind the bar

**epo9** : Mars E us, closet,  music get a,  joly, Boxset, come before, Feudally,  corn for rock, meant porn ass, barrel, and jeans went home

**epo9** : srry authrocorect

**epo9** : but i can do it 

**claudemoneY** : no one?????

**claudemoneY** : im the only one who can do it 

**claudemoneY** : wo w i cant believe ur making me do sthis alone

**claudemoneY** : hahah wow literarlay guys ur giving me no choice hahhahha

**claudemoneY** : okay here i go awhaha

 

-o-

 

**_AP0LL0_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_claudemoneY_ **

 

_ 3:31 am  _

 

**claudemoneY** : coem on bro ime talkng you ahome 

**AP0LL0** : laslfkjgjkfd;slksj 

**claudemoneY** : me too 

**claudemoneY** : lets get an uber 

 

-o-

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_courffee_ **

 

_ 3:46 am  _

 

**courffee** : hey bro i jus wannted to make suer my child was still alive. 

**courffee** : just reply to this so i know ur not dead

**courffee** : it doesnt have to be a coherent sentence

**courffee** : anything will do

**claudemoneY** : buSH did 9/11

**courffee** : perfect

 

-o-

 

**_epo9_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_claudemoneY_ **

 

_ 3:57 am _

 

**claudemoneY** : alrigh  t enj is in bed n im abouy to leave his apapertment and coing home r u at my apratemtn

**epo9** : yeash

**claudemoneY** : good leavse the door opean i loast lmy key 

**claudemoneY** : ans my wallet

**claudemoneY** : and my coat

  
  


-o-

 

_**claudemoneY** has a new message from  **AP0LL0** _

 

_ 3:58 am  _

 

**AP0LL0** : stays over

**claudemoneY** : ?????

**AP0LL0** : dont leabe

**claudemoneY** : ur drudnk

**AP0LL0** : so ur too

**claudemoneY** : goodngiht apollo

**AP0LL0** : wai t

**claudemoneY** : what 

**AP0LL0** : cmoe here

-o-

 

**_epo9_ ** _ has a new message from  _ **_claudemoneY_ **

 

**claudemoneY** : fuCK 

**claudemoneY** : FUCL

**claudemoneY** : FUSDCL  A;SFJA;LSFASDKFJA;LSDKF  AS;DLKFJ A;SLDKF ;ASDKJF ;ALKSDJF ;ALKDSFJ ;ALKSDFJ ;ALKDJF;AKLSDJF A;SLKDFJ A;SKDFJ A;SDKFJ A;SDA;LSKDJF ;AKSDJF AK;LDSJF A;KSDJF AKLDSJF ;AKDJSF KASDJF ;KASDJFA;KLSDFJ LSKDJF ;ASDKJF;AKSDJF ;KFDJ;AKSDJF ;AKSDFJ;AKSDFJA;SLKDFJA ;SKFJ ;ASLKJF ALSKDJF ;ALSKDJF ;LAKSJF ALSKDJF ;ALKSJFD A;LSKDJF A;LKSDFJ ;ALKSDJFA;LKSDFJ OWEIGJA  ;SDLKVAUFB [AEO;FIDNVA ;SLDJN AOEIHF A;IELGKVNA ;DJN A;EG ;AIGH ;AKSDGH A;SDFJ’dfja’sdihf a;sdha ‘djv a’oiegja ;d ;aigh; agf ;adkg ;adkgh ‘askdjf;aksef ;aiowklefj ‘;alksdg aubja hgjolEKFNDVUF;OAJLKMN BEGWFI ;DLVJN ;hwelkrf ndvijslekranf;dienea;jewknfg;hijnagrevfhoawesj;knbvav;owirndfjbugaio;nlkeijosfl;knOIAN;KDFJ NAERHIBA;BKEJNFD; VIHBRLAKJFD,GN ;ABEURJ;FIG KVAN;ERBG;VARJG NV;AKBDFJA;OIGNAKDGJB;AHGJ A;KDGHA;DJKHG;AKDHJSG ‘AOIEWHG VALBF;FLQAEJNFDVUBJREA ;G IWABE F;ODSIHV BALIUEH;G DJNADKBGA;KBG;AKBGA;KBG;AKBG AUIWRG;J’io;rkjgn ;dujkgb ‘OIH A;KRJ GAUERHG [iuehg aoierhg [auerhg a[oiergh na[erouhgb akbfvaoie;rhgnv agbufj ghruekjndvrheg;kdfj vhgekr jndv agobdu;fj aow’irs;fgkzdjnvaegrubjklfoai fgjkdn ag;nrd ‘WEDNSHAJNFEGHIR;FMN,CAHKJFBDNVCMRUYEOGICMNROGIHE;KFJNDMVOIREGH;LKND FCVHIORGDFJKN VO HG;DF 

**claudemoneY** : ohM YO GFD FA’SD

**epo9** : EHAT IS IT IM TRIYN TO SELLEP

**claudemoneY** : he TRIED TO KISS ME ILL BE HIME IN 2 MINUTES 

**epo9:** oh my go 

**claudemoneY** : i need another drunk

 

-o-

 

_ you have entered the group chat “ _ **_PLACE YA BETS”_ **

 

_ 4:05 am  _

 

**epo9** : reply to this in the morning shit happened

  
  


-o-

 

_ 5:14 am  _

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a missed call from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a missed call from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a new voicemail from  _ **_AP0LL0_ ** _ : _ heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy grantaire!!!!! whaaazzz gooooddd fam????  i juz wanned to say that??? i understand WHY you dont believe in The Cause™ hell sometimes  _ I   _ feel like it wont work sometimes but you just gotta…. you just gotta keep doing it you feel?? but i know what WILL work. …… ….. …. .. .. …. …. .. oh wait you cant see that im winking at you [ **_BEEP_ ** ] 

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a missed call from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a missed call from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a new voicemail from  _ **_AP0LL0_ ** : hey R its enjolras again listen bud, i think tonight was really fun and i think that we should get together and bang.  I MEAN HANG. sorry, stupid autocorrect [ **_BEEP_ ** ]

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a missed call from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a new voicemail from  _ **_AP0LL0_ ** : Enjolras again, i just found this GREAT article on the online about chemtrails and i needed to read it to someone. ready? ok.  According to the chemtrail conspiracy theory, long-lasting trails left in the sky by high-flyin aircraft are - god its so hard to read when ur drunk ok - chemical orbi……. or…. I can't read this word …,, agents deliberately sprayed for sinister purposes blah blah blah undisclosed to the general public blah blah blah  Believers in the theory argue that normal contrails dissipate relatively quickly, and continu [ **_BEEP_ ** ]

 

**_claudemoneY_ ** _ has a missed call from  _ **_AP0LL0_ **

  
  


-o-

 

_ you have entered the groupchat  _ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

_ Saturday, 1:34 pm _

 

**AP0LL0** : fuck

  
  
  



	5. the Day After™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> listen, its really hard to remember what you did when you were drunk okay? cut them some slack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i mess something up just roll with it unless I GET JEHANS PRONOUNS WRONG LET ME KNOW I DONT THINK I DID BUT IF I MISSED SOMETHING TELL ME IM USING THEY/THEM.
> 
> Twitter: OBlWAN_  
> Tumblr: hawwkeyee

**enjolras - AP0LL0**

**grantaire - claudemoneY**

**Marius - CosetteFucker**

**Cosette - MariusFucker**

**Joly - jolyranchers**

**eponine -epo9**

**bossuet -BossAssBitch**

**courfeyrac - courffee**

**combeferre - moth_erfucker**

**bahorel - johncena**

**jehan - plantastic**

**feuilly - _feuilly_**

**musichetta - chettta**

**Montparnasse - memepornASSe**

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

_Saturday, 1:34 pm_

 

 **AP0LL0** : fuck

 **moth_erfucker** : what the hell HAPPENED last night

 **BossAssBitch** : joly said “ok if were being honest, honestly, i cant remember a single thing that happened before 11 o’clock last night.”

 **chettta** : im glad u dont have to remember when u threw up 3 times ur weight in vomit but that image is burned into my brain forever

 **BossAssBitch** : joly apologizes

 **BossAssBitch** : new rule: joly isnt allowed to drink ever again

 **BossAssBitch** : joly said “honESTLY? rude”

 **chettta** : WHATS RUDE IS WHEN I HAD TO REACH INTO THE TOILET TO GET UR VOMIT COVERED PHONE BC U DROPPED IT IN THERE.

 **BossAssBitch** : “YEAH. AND NOW ITS BROKEN AND IM SAD”

 **MariusFucker** : is that why ur texting what hes saying?

 **BossAssBitch** : YES

 **_feuilly_** : OH MY FOD THIS IS SO SFUNNY

 **courffee** : TAG URSELF IM JOLY

 **moth_erfucker** : tag urself im bossuet

 **MariusFucker** : tag urself im musichetta

 **plantastic** : feuilly where did you GO last night

 **_feuilly_** : um? where did YOU go?

 **plantastic** : um? where did BAROREL go?

 **johncena** : where DIDNT i go? ;))) no homo tho

 **plantastic** : that makes no sense

 **johncena** : oh? doesnt it? ;)

 **plantastic** : no it dosent wtf

 **johncena** : ;))))))

 **johncena** : ME AND FEUILLY FUCKED LMAO

 **_feuilly_** : i prefer the term, Made Love thank u very much. No homo

 **johncena** : literally u vomited WHILE ON TOP OF ME

 **AP0LL0** : WHAT THE FUCK?

 **johncena** : I KNOW RIGHT THATS GROSS

 **AP0LL0** : NO WHAT THEE FUCK YOU HOOKED UP

 **johncena** : OH, YES WE DID no homo

 **claudemoneY** : can u pls not use capslock i just woke up and i can’t read that loud

 **AP0LL0** : FEUILLY AND BAHOREL HAD SEX

 **claudemoneY** : NO WAY

 **claudemoneY** : i called it

 **claudemoneY** : DAMN

 **claudemoneY** : i made a bet with courfeyrac about this

 **claudemoneY** : but i said it would happen somewhere from august- december

 **claudemoneY** : courf disagreed. he said it would happen somewhere from april - may

 **claudemoneY** : and its may

 **MariusFucker** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **plantastic** : I CANT BELIEVE THIS

 **AP0LL0** : hOW DID HE GET IT SO ACCURATE

 **CosetteFucker** : why is courfeyrac always right when he calls who is going to end up hooking up

 **moth_erfucker** : its his special gift

 **moth_erfucker** : after we started dating he gave me a card that he wrote and all it said was “im going to end up dating that tall dark guy who yelled at me when i tried mixing water into acid in organic chem today” and also it had a picture of him holding up a newspaper with the date on it so i know its legit.

 **courffee** : as i am courfeyrac, i can ##confirm this is true

 **courffee** : grantaire u  owe me 10  euros

 **johncena** : oh my god??? you were betting on us??

 **johncena** : wtf the fuck

 **courffee** : ok now hon

 **courffee** : dont get mad

 **johncena** :: YEAH IM MAD

 **johncena** : MAD THAT U DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT IT

 **johncena** : we could have orchestrated the perfect scam

 **johncena** : like, u could have made a bet that we would hook up on a specific DAY and then i could have made sure to come through

 **chettta** : thats what she said

 **_feuilly_** : that makes no sense

 **chettta** : YOU make no sense

 **johncena** : and we could have been rich

 **courffee** : thats evil and a great master plan

 **courffee** : but that takes the thrill out of it

 **johncena** : the thrill is all the money we get when we scam grantaire

 **claudemoneY** : you overestimate the amount of money i have

 **claudemoneY** : so

 **claudemoneY** : congratulations, you played urself

 **_feuillly_** : also?? bahorel??  wtf??? you would have used me for a BET?

 **_feuilly_** : is romance DEAD? does love mean ANYTHING to you?

 **johncena** : ok but imagine all the food we could buy if we had money

 **_feuilly_** : hmmmmmnmmnmnm

 **_feuilly_** :  ..,.. i guess you have a point

 **AP0LL0** : so, are you two like, together now?

 **johncena** : I

 **_feuilly_** : uh

 

-o-

 

 **__feuilly__ ** _has a new message from_ **_johncena_ **

  


**johncena** : are we??

 **_feuilly_** : i mean?? idk???

 **johncena** : i dont wanna like???? u know??

 **_feuilly_** : you dont wanna date me?

 **_feuilly_** : listen if you dont want to thats fine we can still be friends but just like lets just get this straight before anyone gets the wrong idea

 **johncena** : NO NO NOT THAT

 **johncena** : i was gonna say dont wanna

 **johncena** : take this too fast

 **johncena** : as in, i wanna make sure we do this right

 **johncena** : as in, lets start with dinner first?

 **_feuilly_** : oh .,,..,.

 **_feuilly_** : okay yeah :) even tho weve had dinner together for like the  past 12453 nights straight but yes, lets have dinner :))

 **johncena** : just to make things clear this IS A DATE™

 **johncena** : FULL HOMO

 **_feuilly_** : OK GOOD THATS WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes_ ** **”**

 

 **_feuilly_** : we’re taking it slow :)))

 **johncena** : unlike last night :))))

 **AP0LL0** : ok thats enough of that

 **couffee** : what happened to jehan and montparnasfafeee last night

 **plantastic** : his name is montPARNASSE its not thAT HARD

 **courffee** : montparansenksfeiiei?

 **courffee** : montpardkfasdkfhasdfhs ???

 **plantastic** : NASSE

 **courffee** :  NASTY??

 **plantastic** : im blocking you

 **plantastic** : anyways

 **plantastic** : nothing happeed

 **plantastic** : we just talked and got some food :))))

 **plantastic** : hes so cute :))))

 **BossAssBitch** : aawawwwww thats disgusting

 **claudemoneY** : be careful tho jehan

 **claudemoneY** : ive heard stories from eponine about this guy

 **claudemoneY** : one time he spent a night in jail for trying to sell flour and pass it as cocaine to this one cop. thats not what he went to jail for tho. the cop was high as fuck so he didnt even notice. he just thought it was really bad cocaine so the cop tracked him down and was like come on motherfucker ur going to jail.

 **claudemoneY** : one time he broke into one of those really fancy clothes stores downtown and stole a bunch of clothes and eponine said he claimed he was trying to make a statement about the vicious reign of capitalism but really she thinks he was just out of clothes to wear and was getting bored.

 **claudemoneY** : one time he got into a fight just because someone said that the color he was wearing “didnt go with his complexion”

 **claudemoneY** : hes in a fight club

 **claudemoneY** : HE OWNS A VAPE SHOP DID YOU KNOW THAT

 **plantastic** : omg

 **plantastic** : ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE A CRUSH ON A VAPE DAD ™????

 **AP0LL0** : hE OWNS A VAPE SHOP?

 **moth_erfucker** : oh my GOD WHAWT HTE UCJ

 **johncena** : can i get a discount on a vape

 **claudemoneY** :  yes i got one

 **AP0LL0** : YOU GOT A VAPE??

 **_feuilly_** : bahorel ur not allowed to get a vape im sorry i cant be involved with white fuckboys

 **johncena** : IM NOT WHITE

 **_feuilly_** : sorry if u vape ur basically saying ur a white boy who hates himself

 **claudemoneY** : IM NOT WHITE

 **claudemoneY** : HONESTLY?? rude

 **claudemoneY** : u wouldnt say that after you see mY DANK VAPE TRICKS

 

 **__feuilly__ ** _has removed_ **_claudemoneY_ ** _from the group chat_ **_“Les  Amemes”_ **

**_epo9_ ** _has added_ **_claudemoneY_ ** _into the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **epo9** : i didnt add grantaire back into the group chat he litterally did a backflip onto the couch where i was and stole my phone and added himself back in

 **claudemoneY** : drastic times call for drastic measures

 **epo9** : YOU SPILLED MY CEREAL

 **cluademoneY** : DRASTIC TIMES CALL FOR DRASTIC MEASURES

 **epo9** : UR STILL ON TOP OF ME. GET OFFFFFF

 **claudemoneY** : DRASTIC !!! TIMES !!! CALL !!!! FOR !!!! DRASTIC !!!! MEASURES !!!!

 **plantastic** : more like memesures

 **AP0LL0** : be quiet were not done talking about what u did

 **plantastic** : um? what I?? did???

 **plantastic** : HOW ABOUT WE TALK ABOUT WHAT ///YOU/// DID LAST NIGHT

 **AP0LL0** : how dare you

 **AP0LL0** : i have done nothing wrong, frankly, ever

 **moth_erfucker** : i know this, and i love you

 **plantastic** : EXHIBIT A

 **plantastic** : at exactly 10:58pm i took a video of you ON THE TABLE singing LEMONADE by BEYONCE and then continued to FALL OFF THE TABLE and the worst part??? YOU SPILLED !!! MY !!! DRINK !!

 **AP0LL0** : oh my god i dont rememebr this

 **johncena** : THAT WAS SO FUNNY IM SOBBING

 **courffe** : I RMEMEBER THAT OH MY GOD HE COULDNT GET THE LYRICS RIGHT HE WAS BASICALLY JUST PASSIONATELY MUMBLING

 **_feuilly_** : jehan pulling ALL THESE RECEIPTS SLAYY

 **claudemoneY** : can i add to this??

 **plantastic** : YASS GRANTAIRE FUCK IT UP

 **claudemoneY** : on the way to apollos apartment he was scared that the cops would see him drunk and get arrested again so he hid behind a tree because “no one would ever think to look behind a tree”

 **claudemoneY** : i tried to reason with him but it took me and the uber driver 10 minutes to get him to get into the car

 **claudemoneY** : and i was sooOOO drunk i am so surprised i remembered that conversation

 **AP0LL0** : ARE YOU SERIOUS

 **CosetteFucker** : OH MY GO D

 **AP0LL0** : I CANT BELIEVE THIS

 **BossAssBitch** : I HAVE A GOOD ONE ABOUT COMBEFERRE !!!

 **BossAssBitch** : a little past midnight combeferre stacked 3 chairs on top of each other and got ON TOP OF THEM and started yelling “IM THE KING OF THE NORTH” i was too drunk at the time to warn him how dangerous that was

 **courffee** : just like when i found him outside laying in the middle of the street blocking traffic looking up at the stars

 **claudemoneY** : combeferre grabbed a book from??? i dont know where. and threw it at my face and yelled “YOU HAVE JUST BEEN FACEBOOKED!!!”

 **moth_erfucker** : OIAHGF;AKDF;ALDSKGFHA;WDFGJKNA;DSZF

 **moth_erfucker** : ASF;ALSKJFA;LSKDF A;GJ ;AERGAERGJ OH YM GOD

 **moth_erfucker** : I AM SO SORRY

 **_feuilly_** : WHAT EH FUCK

 **chettta** : IM NOT EVEN SURPRISED

 **moth_erfucker** : WAIT WHAT WAS THE BOOK CALLED??

 **claudemoneY** : THE ONE YOU THREW AT MY FACE???

 **moth_erfucker** : YES

 **claudemoneY** : I DONT KNOW I WAS TOO BUSY BEING ABUSED TO READ THE TITLE SORRY

 **moth_erfucker** : I THINK THAT THAT WAS THE COPY OF MACBETH THAT I CANT SEEM TO FIND???

 **claudemoneY** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **MariusFucker** : THIS IS SO RELATABLE

 **chettta** : joly took a shot, then proseeded to THROW UP that shot BACK into the shot glass and then shrugged and DRANK THAT SHOT AGAIN

 **BossAssBitch** : WHT AUFDK L;ASDF

 **BossAssBitch** : THAT MOUTH HAS BEEN ON MY MOUTH

 **BossAssBitch** : THAT MOUTH HAS BEEN ON MY DICK

 **chettta** : THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL

 **chettta** : joly has an expression of fear on his face

 **chettta** : HE SAID HE DOESNT REMEMEBR TAHT

 **BossAssBitch** : SEEMS FAKE TBH

 **chetta** : HES SOBBING INTO A PILLOW I CANT TELL IF HES FAKING

 **BossAssBitch** : HES FAKING I CAN TELL

 **claudemoneY** : feuilly ate one of my cigarettes

 **CosetteFucker** : HWT THE FUCK

 **MariusFucker** : AER YOU SERIOUS

 **claudemoneY** : YEAH HE SAW THE PACK ON THE TABLE AND THEN ATE ONE

 **claudemoneY** : AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SPIT IT OUT AND SCREAMED

 **claudemoneY** : AND WAS LIKE “THATS NOT CANDY”

 **_feuilly_** : I THOUGHT!!! IT WAS !!!! CANDY CIGARETTES FOR SOME REASON

 **_feuilly_** : IM SORRY

 **johncena** : ;IHFA;SDLKFA;LSKDFJA;LSDKF

 **johncena** : THA T IS SO FUNNY

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ ** _with_ **_epo9, claudemoneY,_ ** _and_ **_jolyranchers_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : joly do you wanna go get breakfast with me and eponine

 **epo9** : dude his phone is broken remember?

 **claudemoneY** : ok true. add jehan and ask them then

 

 **_epo9_ ** _has added plantastic to the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : jehan do you wanna go get breakfast with me and eponine

 **plantastic** : hells ya

 **claudemoneY** : AWESOME i know this great place that has super amazing food for hangovers

 **plantastic** : perfect

 **claudemoneY** : ill send you the address do you want to meet us there in like 30 min?

 **plantastic** : sounds dank

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **courffee** : so lets see, who else hooked up last night besides bahorel and feuilly and jehan and montaroasfas;d

 **plantastic** : montparnasse. and WE DIDNT HOOK UP!! we literally just went to the the diner where eponine, musichetta and cosette work and talked and then HE !! KISSED !! ME !! ON !! THE !! CHEEK !! WHEN !! HE !! SAID !! GOODBYE !! iT WAS SO CUTE

 **plantastic** : and then i went home ::))

 **epo9** : sounds fake

 **_feuilly_** : me and bahorel BANGED

 **johncena** : hell ya we did

 **_feuilly_** : you cant see it but me and bahorel just high fived

 **plantastic** : EPONINIE ITS NOT FAKE

 **MariusFucker** : wait feuilly ur still at bahorels house??

 **johncena** : no im at feuillys and jehans

 **plantastic** : WHAT THE FUCK FEUILLY UR HOME??

 **plantastic** : I DIDNT HEAR ANYTHING LAST NIGHT THO

 **plantastic** : i HTHOUGHT U WERE BANGING

 **plantastic** : and FEUILLY I //KNOW//// UR INTO KINKY SHIT

 **_feuilly_** : thats because?? you didnt get home?? until like??? 4:30?? am ???

 **plantastic** : WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SEROIUS

 **johncena** : yeah i rememebr because u WOKE US UP

 **_feuilly_** : but thats ok bc since we were both up we banged again::))

 **johncena** : yeah jehan u fell right asleep u were out SO HARD oh my god he must have worn you out ;)))))

 **epo9** : aww look at u guys :))) finishing each others sentences ::))

 **epo9** : its disgusting

 **plantastic** : i will block u bahorel

 **epo9** : ok we have jehan and monty, feuilly and bahorel,,,..,., who else hooked up last night

 **MariusFucker** : im pretty sure you kissed me eponine

 **epo9** : i dont remember that but that sounds like something i would do

 **epo9** : no shame

 **courffee** : i have a video actually

 **CosetteFucker** : is it bad that im okay with this

 **CosetteFucker** : like, am i worried that the women im in love with is going to leave me for one of my best friends?

 **CosetteFucker** : no

 **CosetteFucker** : of course not

 **CosetteFucker** : why would you even say that?

 **MariusFucker** : dont worry babe im a #MariusFucker for #Life tbh

 **MariusFucker** : except for our agreed upon list of freebees of course

 **CosetteFucker** : yes of course.

 **CosetteFucker** : if ur sugnificent other says that they would stay loyal even when someone like Beyonce or Daveed Diggs was leading them to their bed then break up with them now, you shouldnt build your relationship off of a mountain of lies sorry

 **MariusFucker** : you cant see it but me and Marius just high fived

 **courffee** : did u guys hook up tho

 **CosetteFucker** : is everything about sex to you courfeyrac?

 **courffee** : no wtf sex is gross im just nosey as fuck

 **plantastic** : yeah sex is so gross overall. waitin on the government to ban it tbh

 **MariusFucker** : we had sex ya

 **chettta** : me and bossuet had sex after we cleaned joly up

 **BossAssBitch** : we had sex right next to him as he was tryinh to sleep oh my god i feel so bad he kept throwing pillows at us saying that he would divorce both of us if we didnt shut up

 **AP0LL0** : ASKJDFHASD oh ym go d

 **johncena** : relationship goals tbh

 **moth_erfucker** : you can add US to the list of people who hooked up ;))))))

 **moth_erfucker** : us being me and courfeyrac ;;))))

 **courffee** : yeah if you call drunkenly trying to makeout with me but missing my face and falling onto the floor and then throwing up in our bed “hooking up””” then yes, we hooked up.

 **moth_erfucker** : hell yeah ;)) king of romance ;))

 **courffee** : i love u

 **moth_erfucker** : i love you too

 **AP0LL0** : oh my god everyone did something with someone except for me wtf!!

 **courfee** : and grantaire!!

 

_-o-_

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“PLACE YA BETS”_ ** _with_ **_epo9, jolyranchers, courffee,_ ** _and_ **_moth_erfucker_ **

 

_4:05 am_

 

 **epo9** : reply to this in the morning shit happened

_1:57 pm_

 

 **courffee** : wait what was this about ^^^^^^^

 **moth_erfucker** : tell me quickly what’s the story who saw what and why and where. let them give a full description let them answer to ferre.

 **epo9** : ok jolys phone is still broken so im adding musichetta and bossuet in so that joly can know

 

 **_epo9_ ** _had added_ **_chettta_ ** _and_ **_BossAssBitch_ ** _to the group chat_ **_“PLACE YA BETS”_ **

 

 **epo9** : ok quick rundown, me, courf, ferre, and joly have had a running bet about if enjolras and grantaire will hook up

 **chettta** : yeha we know joly has been live tweeting to us whats been happening IRL. so not so much tweeting but yelling everything thats going on.

 **chettta:** i wanna make a bet too

 **BossAssBitch** : tbh? same.

 **epo9:** ok great but also u might wanna wait a minute bc i have news on #ERgate.

 **courffee** : WHAT HAPPENED

 **epo9** : here let me send u screenshots

 **epo9** : _sent an image_ **_receipts5.jpeg_**

 **epo9** : _sent an image_ **_receipts6.jpeg_ **

**epo9** : ok so this is where grantaire had a mini heart attack when?? apparently?? enjolras tried?? to ?? kiss?? him??

 **epo9** : all bets aside, we need to approach this matter with extreme delicacy. these are both very very fragile people when it comes to feelings of love and the smallest comment could ruin everything

 **epo9** : we hold their love lives in our hands like a tiny bird

 **courffee** : right but…..,,,,,. i technically win right/….//.

 **epo9** : r u srs

 **courffee** : i mean,./,..,.,,..,,.,. enjolras DID teCHNICALLY try to make a move on grantaire so/,/,,,.,..,.,/.,.,/ i win right

 **epo9** : this is no time for politics, courfeyrac

 **courffee** : ur just bitter cause u know im right

 **moth_erfucker** : technically, the bet was them actually HOOKING UP which they have yet to do

 **courffee** : who thE FUCKS SIDE ARE YOU ON??

 **courffee** : WHATS THE POINT OF HAVING A BOYFRIEND IF HE WONT EVEN BACK YOU UP ON PETTY BETS YOU MAKE WITH UR FRIENDS??

 **moth_erfufcker** : hopefully there are a couple more reasons

 **courffee** : MMMMMM NOPE

 **moth_erfucker** : WOW

 **epo9** : ANNYWAYS. grantaire is in a deep denial and when i tried to bring it up hes like “HMM IT NEVER HAPPENED I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT TBH”

 **moth_erfucker** : he said “tbh” outloud?

 **epo9** : YEAH

 **courffee** : are you sure he just doesnt remember bc he was drunk

 **epo9** : nope i can tell

 **chettta** : joly suggests that someone should talk to enjorlas. maybe see how hes feeling about all of this.

 **BossAssBitch** : thats a really good idea but that would mean that enjolras would know that he told one of us because him and grantaire are the “””only people who know””””” about this

 **epo9** : yeah and i didnt tell grantaire that im telling all of you so we need to handle this SO CAREFULLY

 **moth_erfucker** : no

 **moth_erfucker** : NO

 **courffee** : :)

 **moth_erfucker** : NO COURFEYRAC

 **chettta** : whats going on

 **moth_erfucker** : courf just got this really big villainous smile and that can only mean one thing

 **courffee** : I HAVE A PLAN

 **moth_erfucker** : NO

 **BossAssBitch** : ok but lets hear the man out

 **moth_erfucker** : remember the last time you had “””a plan””””

 **courffee** : i seem to remember that that plan ended up really well

 **moth_erfucker** : IT ENDED WITH ENJOLRAS IN JAIL, BAHOREL WITH THIRD DEGREE BURNS AND VALJEAN HAVING TO DRAG MARIUS OUT OF A SEWER

 **courffee** : ok but the plan worked.

 **courffee** : AND the charges against enjolras were dropped AND the scar that Bahorel has is shaped like a bumble bee AND now we have a great story so???? tbh??? everything worked out in the end.

 **chettta** : joly said we should trust courfeyrac

 **moth_erfucker** : ok fine but only because im going to get to say ‘i told you so’ and its gonna be great because COURF is always the one who says that to ME but NOT THIS TIME SATAN

 **courffee** : ok so here is what were gonna do

 

-o-

 

**_!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!_ **

  


**claudemoneY** : what was that last text from enjolras???

 **cluademoneY** : “everyone did something with someone except for me”””

 **claudemoneY** : what the fuck

 **claudemoneY** : does he not remember

 **plantastic** : not remember what

 **plantastic** : ???  
**epo9** : oh my god grantaire

 **claudemoneY** : OH SHIT I DIDNT MEAN TO TEXT THIS CHAT WTF I MEANT TO TEXT EPONINE

 **claudemoneY** : HAHAHAH NOTTHING HAPPENED LMAMOOO

 **plantastic** : thats such bullshit what the fycj you have to tell me now

 **claudemoneY** : ok but dont tell anyone i dont want this getting back to enjolras ok

 **plantastic** : you dont want enjolras to know about the thing that he presumably did but doesnt remember?

 **claudemoneY** : i think so

 **plantastic** : oh my god what did he do

 **plantastic** : did he accidentally say he was a communist again in front of a cop

 **plantastic** : WAIT NO HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HOOKING UP WITH PEOPLE

 **plantastic** : DID YOU AND ENJLRAS HAVE SEX GRANTAIRE

 **plantastic** : OH MY OD

 **plantastic** : oh ymgod

 **plantastic** : where was it

 **plantastic** : no let me guess

 **plantastic** : at the musain?

 **plantastic** : in the back of an uber?

 **claudemoneY** : jehan, no

 **plantastic** : under a bridge?

 **plantastic** : bathroom stall?

 **claudemoneY** : JEHAN NO PLS

 **plantastic** : i bet it was like, really kinky

 **plantastic** : youve told me your kinks before grantaire

 **plantastic** : i bet enjolras has the same kinda kinks

 **plantastic** : but, with more historical references

 **plantastic** : when he climaxes does he recite France's national anthem?

 **claudemoneY** : I STG I WILL BLOCK YOU

 **plantastic** : ok im done whats up

 **claudemoneY** : he was too drunk to get home alone so i got us him an uber and walked him to his apartment.

 **claudemoneY** : and i helped him up the stairs, granted, i wasn't much help bc i was drunk too but not as far gone as him tbh

 **claudemoneY** : and brought him to his  bedroom and i was heading out the door when i got a text from him hang on lemme send screenshots

 **epo9** : can i add musichetta or bossuet so that joly can be in this convo

 **epo9** : bc joly broke his phone remember

 **claudemoneY** : yeah thats fine

 

 **_epo9_ ** _has added_ **_chettta_ ** _and_ **_BossAssBitch_ ** _to the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **epo9:** to catch you guys up on a subject that you have NO prior knowledge to, grantaire is confused bc enjolras did something last night and then grantaire thinks that enjolras forgot what he did

 **epo9** : taire brought enjolras home last night and he was about to leave when enjolras texted him

 **epo9** : grantaire is gonna send screenshots

 **BossAssBitch** : okay GOTCHU

 **BossAssBitch** : AWWWW are grantaire and enjolras FINALLY gonna hook up???? :))))))

 **chettta** : its about damn time

 **claudemoneY** : _sent an image_ **_receipts7.jpeg_ **

**chettta** : tag urself im “stays over”

 **BossAssBitch** : tag urself im “dont leabe”

 **chettta** : joly said “im ur drudnk” “so ur too”

claudemoneY: so basically he asked me to stay over and i was like no ur drunk and hes like so are you and then he told me to come back to his room and i assumed he wanted water or smthng

 **claudemoneY** : and when i walked him i tripped on smthng and kinda like fell right next to his bed so basically my face was at the level of his face and then like

 **claudemoneY** : ok this is so embarrassing

 **chettta** : GO ON

 **claudemoneY** : ok and then like he like really drunkly like, shoved his face into mine and he mADE MY LIP BLEED?? BC??? HE HIT MY LIP WITH HIS TEETH??

 **claudemoneY** : and then he fell asleep

 **claudemoneY** : so now im left with utter confusion and a bleeding lip

 **chettta** : ODFHGAKDLHFA SL;DKFHA;SDLK FOHJ MY OG

 **BossAssBitch** : ALKSDJHF;AS IM SOBBING THIS IS SO CUTE

 **BossAssBitch** : JOLY IS SCREAMING INTO A PILLOW

 **BossAssBitch** : HE JUST FELL OFF THE BED

 **chettta** : THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 **plantastic** : LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE MOMENT WEVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

 **claudemoneY** : OK BUT NOW IT SEEMS LIKE HE DOESNT REMEMBER!!!

 **claudemoneY** : AND HE CALLED ME NINE TIMES

 **claudemoneY** : NINE !!! TIMES !!!

 **claudemoneY** : all of which went to voicemail bc my phone died on the way home and i listened to them this morning???? most of them are complete gibberish talking about conspiracy theories and politics but then there was one where he accidentally said “we should bang” instead of “we should hang” and then blamed autocorrect??? even though it was a verbal voicemail???   
**epo9** : text him

 **cluademoneY** : or i could do the opposite of that

 **chettta** : ask him to marry you

 **claudemoneY** : or i could ask him to kill me

 **plantastic** : punch him in the face

 **claudemoneY** : yes

 **claudemoneY** : but why

 **BossAssBitch** : u gotta

 **claudemoneY** : ok ur right

 **claudemoneY** : but im not actually gonna do that

 **claudemoneY** : should i bring it up to him or should i just sit in a pool of angst for the rest of my life knowing that enjolras tried to “”kiss””” me

 **epo9** : kill him

 **BossAssBitch** : dude just say the word and im there with the getaway car

 **chettta** : we can cut up his body and throw it into the river piece by piece like they did in daredevil

 **BossAssBitch** : joly said “even though enjolras is one of our best friends i will not hesitate to help with the murder of our leader”

 **plantastic** : i have a guy who could make us fake IDs so we could fake our deaths and create new identities

 **chettta** : how we gonna kill him

 **epo9** : knife? gun? i could borrow one from Montparnasse

 **claudemoneY** : we are not killing him

 **BossAssBitch** : so we ARE gonna kill him?

 **epo9** : texting parnasse about the gun rn

 **epo9** : though i feel stabbing him would be more therapeutic

 **claudemoneY** : WE ARE NOT GOING TO KILL THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

 **BossAssBitch** : D;FAKSDHF;ASD LSDKFJA ;LSKFJ OH MY GOD

 **chettta** : OH YM GO DO MOY GOD LOVE OF YOUR LIFE YOU SAID THE L WORD

 **claudemoneY** : what the fycj no i didnt goodbye

 **chettta** : JOLY JUST SPILLED HIS CEREAL ALL OVER HIMSELF BC HE SCREAMED

 **BossAssBitch** : GRANTAIRE THIS IS JOLY I STOLE BOSSUETS OPHONE YOU NEED TO FOLLOW UR DREAMS. GO OUT AND GET EMMMMM

 **BossAssBitch** : PUNCH ENJOLRAS IN THE FACE WITH UR MOUTH

claudemoneY: JESUS CHRIST

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“bes frens”_ ** _with_ **_AP0LL0, moth_erfucker,_ ** _and_ **_plantastic_ **

 

 **AP0LL0** : guys i think i might have done something last night but i cant remember what i did

 **moth_erfucker** : what do you mean

 **plantastic** : wow tell me about this event of which i have NO prior knowledge to

 **AP0LL0** : ok so like? i remember grantaire bringing me home after almost everyone left last night and i read our last text conversation and my phone said i made like a billion outgoing calls to grantaire, all of which went to voicemail

 **AP0LL0** : i dont remember what i said but i do remember only sleeping for like 45 minutes and then getting up at like 5 am and doing research about a dream i had where i was the president of the world but i was also an alien masquerading as a human by wearing a human flesh suit and i needed to control all the people because they were being really annoying and racist so i woke up and automatically pulled out my laptop and started researching ways to control people and somehow got to the wikipedia article on chemtrails??

 **plantastic** : jesus christ this is such a mess

 **moth_erfucker** : oh my god

 **plantastic** : is that the thing you think you did but cant remember doing?

 **AP0LL0** : no i dont think so? it had to have been bigger than that

 **AP0LL0** : i woke up with the taste of blood in my mouth so i must have killed someone right

 **plantastic** : did u bite a lip

 **moth_erfucker** : that happens a lot with drunk ppl

 **AP0LL0** : my lips dont have any cuts in them though?

 **plantastic** : well yours dont

 **AP0LL0** : what?

 **plantastic** : have you talked to grantaire today yet?

 **AP0LL0** : not besides in the group chat

 **plantastic** : maybe you should text him and thank him for getting you home safely

 **AP0LL0** : thats a good idea ok i will

  


-o-

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has a new message from_ **_AP0LL0_ **

  


**AP0LL0** : hey grantaire

  


-o-

 

**_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : GUYS SHUT UP HE TEXTED ME

 **claudemoneY** : _sent a message_ **_receipt8.jpeg_ **

**epo9** : oh my og d

 **plantastic** : you got this grantaire

 **BossAssBitch** : do you think he remembers

 **chettta** : what are you going to say

 **claudemoneY** : i DONT KNKOW

 **chettta** : just say something chill and NOT sarcastic

 **claudemoneY** : ok i got this

 

-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **_claudemoneY_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : hey apollo, did ya see any chemtrails today?

-o-

 

**_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : _sent an image_ **_receipts9.jpeg_ **

**chettta** : IFH;ALSKDFJA; SDLFA;LSKD

 **chettta** : WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY

 **claudemoneY** : IM SORRY IT JUST HAPPENED

 

-o-

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has a new message from_ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

 **AP0LL0** : oh my god ok bye

 **claudemoneY** : NO WAIT whats up

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“best frens”_ **

 

 **AP0LL0** : _sent an image_ **_receipts10.jpeg_ **

**AP0LL0** : HES SO SARCASTIC I HATE IT BUT I SECRETLY THINK ITS FUNNY AND CUTE BUT I THINK HE USES IT AS A COPING MECHANISM WHICH ISNT GOOD

 **plantastic** : its okay just thank him for getting you home

 **AP0LL0** : ok i got this

-o-

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has a new message form_ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

 **AP0LL0** : i just wanted to thank you for getting me home last night, i vaguely remember you walking me up the stairs to my apartment? im sorry i shouldnt have gotten that drunk

 **claudemoneY** : its no problem dude, its nothing compared to the amount of time IVE been carried home. ur slackin bro, gotta catch up to the master.

 **AP0LL0** : haha oh my god if i wanted to do that i would have to get blackout drunk every day for the rest of my life

 **claudemoneY** : slayyyy mee yasss fuck it up that was so savage wow just put a bullet in my heart why dont you

 **AP0LL0** : OH MY GOD IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT THAT WAY

 **claudemoneY** : haha its chill dude im kidding

 **claudemoneY** : how much do you remember

 **AP0LL0** : not much, i was at the musain, then in a car? the stairs? and then thats basically it

 **claudemoneY** : so you dont remember passionately trying to convince the uber driver to take us to america so you can “take back the statue of liberty”

 **AP0LL0** : oh my god. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

 **AP0LL0** : WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT

 **claudemoneY** : because “those cops are being racist they dont deserve our gifts” and then you had a surprisingly well put together debate with the uber driver about wrongful incarceration

 **AP0LL0** : ok that i DO remember

 **AP0LL0** : whenever i paused you would repeat the last would i said but louder  
**claudemoneY** : ur welcome

 **AP0LL0** : oh my god

 **AP0LL0** : but really, grantaire, thank you, your show was really good and last night was really fun

 **claudemoneY** : youre welcome.

 **claudemoneY** : do you seriously not remember anything else?

 **AP0LL0** : besides that i called you at like 5 am talking about chemtrails?

 **AP0LL0** : no

 **claudemoneY** : not even when you..,.,.,,.

 **AP0LL0** : when i what

 **claudemoneY** : when you tried to uh, kiss me?

 **AP0LL0** : i

 **AP0LL0** : wait

 **AP0LL0** : what

 **AP0LL0** : im uh

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has left the conversation_

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“best frens”_ **

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has left the conversation_

 

_-o-_

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amems”_ **

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has left the conversation_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i mess something up just roll with it unless I GET JEHANS PRONOUNS WRONG LET ME KNOW I DONT THINK I DID BUT IF I MISSED SOMETHING TELL ME IM USING THEY/THEM.
> 
> Twitter: OBlWAN_  
> Tumblr: hawwkeyee


	6. what tf the fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where tf did enjolras go what a trick ass hoe amirite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it has been so long ok i have had so many exams and end of year projects. like even now, i am so far behind but idc bc i like this fic more than my grades lmao
> 
> twitter: oblwan_  
> tumber: hawwkeyee

**enjolras - AP0LL0**

**grantaire - claudemoneY**

**Marius - CosetteFucker**

**Cosette - MariusFucker**

**Joly - jolyranchers**

**eponine -epo9**

**bossuet -BossAssBitch**

**courfeyrac - courffee**

**combeferre - moth_erfucker**

**bahorel - johncena**

**jehan - plantastic**

**feuilly - _feuilly_**

**musichetta - chettt** **a**

**Montparnasse - memepornASSe**

**gayvroche - gavrohce**

 

-o-

 _You have entered the group chat_ **_"!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQAD!!"_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : um.

 **claudemoneY** : what just happened

 **plantastic** : did enjolras just leave every single chat

 **claudemoneY** : YES

 **chettta** : what did u do

 **claudemoneY** : unlike popular belief not everything controversial that happens is because of me

 **BossAssBitch** : what did u do

 **claudemoneY** : frankly it's a little disquieting that you would blame me for an event that may have totally unrelated circumstantial beginnings?

 **plantastic** : what did u do

 **claudemoneY** : I told him he kissed me

 **claudemoneY** : and he literally just left all group chats

 **chettta** : screenshots

 **claudemoneY** : _has sent an image_ **_receipts11.jpeg_ **

**claudemoneY** : he literally did nothing but go like “i wait what im uh” and then left the chat and every chat that has ever been created since the beginning of the internet

 **plantastic** : should i text him

 **plantastic** : i can probably get him to talk to me

 **claudemoneY** : oh my god he hates me doesnt he

 **claudemoneY** : for a second there i thought he might be tolerating me for once

 **claudemoneY** : i should have known

 **claudemoneY** : hes probably mad bc he tried to kiss me bc im gross and why would anyone wanna kiss me LMAO why did i ever even begin to think that he might like me back honestly i am from the PITS of HELL and he is an ANGEL from HEAVEN whom i HATE and wish i could PUNCH IN THE FACE

 **claudemoneY** : he had no idea what he was doing he was drunk he could have thought i was someone else or something

 **epo9:** go

 **epo9** : type it out too i wanna make sure its in ur mind

 **claudemoneY** : do i have to

 **epo9** : ya

 **claudemoneY** : sigh

 **claudemoneY** : i am not stupid, i am not useless, i am not a waste of space. i am smart, my mind is beautiful, and i am worthy of love.

 **epo9** : :)))

 **claudemoneY** : it did kind of help but im still ##panicked

 **chettta** : joly says that maybe you could talk to him at the meeting today? its at six and right now its like 4

 **claudemoneY** : you dont think i should try and just text him?

 **BossAssBitch** : no i think you should try and talk to him in person

 **cluademoneY** : butttt texxtttinnggg iss soooooo muchhhhh easiiieeerrrrr

 **plantastic** : suck it up

 **claudemoneY** : suck this DICK

 **plantastic** : chill

 **claudemoneY** : i am in fact, never chill, i can never find my chill, i am the opposite of chill

 **claudemoneY** : im HOT

 **claudemoneY** : GET IT

 **chettta** : the opposite of chill is actually, warm   so

 **claudemoneY** : well

 **chettta** : congratulations, you played urself

 **claudemoneY** : honestly im just trying to chill

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **moth_erfucker** : does anyone know why enjorlas left this convo

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **BossAssBitch** : should we tell them?

 **claudemoneY** : theyre gonna find out eventually so yes lets tell them.

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **plantastic** : ENJOLRAS KISSED GRANTAIRE WHILE HE WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT IT BUT THEN GRANTAIRE TOLD HIM AND HE FREAKED OUT

 **johncena** : ok no homo but thats gay

 **_feuilly_** : no homo but UR gay bahorel

 **MariusFucker** : YAAASS FUCK IT UPPP

 **MariusFucker** : but also oh no  

 **courffee** : no homo but i totally called it and people owe me money now

 **claudemoneY** : are you kidding you bet on me?

 **claudemoneY** : was i THAT obvious?

 **courffee:** why are people still getting surprised that we bet on their love lives?

 **courffee** : and it wasnt only you, my dude

 **claudemoneY** : what are you talking about

 **courffee** : my man, my bud, my bro, enjolras is completely smitten with you.

 **claudemoneY** : what

 **moth_erfucker** : would a powerpoint presentation help?

 **moth_erfucker** : bc i made one

 **claudemoneY** : what

 **CosetteFucker** : like, i am usually really bad at noticing these things but i called it too.

 **claudemoneY** : what

 **moth_erfucker** : i think the real problem here is that someone needs to talk to enjolras

 **plantastic** : i thought that maybe grantaire should talk to him at the meeting tonight

 **_feuilly_** : oh shit thats tonight.

 **_feuilly_** : bahorel and jehan do you guys wanna go get food before we go?

 **johncena** : fuck yes

 **plantastic** : even tho i just ate with grantaire and eponine, yes as fuck

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat “_ **_!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : should i ask them for advice?

 **epo9** : yes

 **chettta** : yeah it could prove helpful

 **claudemoneY** : ok yeah

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : guys what should i do about enjolras

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : hopefully someone has some smart, insightful advice that i havent thought of yet. I really admire these people, they always give the best advice :)

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **moth_erfucker** : suck his dick

 **courffee** : ^^^^

 **_feuilly_** : worked for me :)  
**johncena** : RT  


-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : nvm

 **plantastic** : what did you expect tbh

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : ok but no im seriously freaking out

 **moth_erfucker** : you like him right?

 **claudemoneY** : HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHSHAHHAHAHAAHAHHA

 **claudemoneY** : HAHW WHAT? BRO, NO I HATE HIM WTF HES GROSS AND SUPER ANNOYING I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY HE JUST KEEPS GOING ON AND ON WHEN HE DEBATES? AS IF THERE IS A LITERAL FIRE BURNING INSIDE HIS HEART THAT KEEPS HIM ALIVE, THAT GIVES HIM A PURPOSE LMAO, DISGUSTING TBH. ALSO? HIS HAIR? NO THANKS. ITS SO LAME AND A DUMB SHADE OF HONEY MIXED WITH WHITE FLAMES, IF IM BEING HONEST. ALSO, MY DUDE, I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT BASE MY CHARACTERS LOVE INTEREST IN MY BALLET OFF OF HIM, THATS OUTRAGEOUS, MY MAN, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? TBH BLOCKED. UR ALL BLOCKED. NONE OF YOU ARE FREE OF SIN.

 **moth_erfucker** : ok so thats a yes,

 **epo9:** tag urself im “honey mixed with white flames”

 **_feuilly_** : im “none of you are free of sin”

 **moth_erfucker** : does anyone have any ,,..,.,,..,.,,.,..,,,.., ideas on how we can….,., resolve this..,.,. ..,,... or ..,..,.,., a PLAN.,.,.,. of some …,., sort.,.,.,. maybe?

 **courffee** : im glad you asked :)

 **courffee** : everyone have a seat this wont take long

 **courffee** : and by that i mean im sending you all a 15 page itinerary with 3 blackup plans and a back up plan TO the black up plans. everyone has a role and it starts tonight at the meeting.

 **moth_erfucker** : just so everyone is aware i said at the beginning that this was a risky plan but since courfeyrac is my boyfriend i must go along and support his creativity and schemes to fuck up peoples lives.

 **courffee** : yes you do and if you dont i WILL divorce you

 **moth_erfucker** : were not married

 **courffee** : well then ill marry you JUST so i can divorce you :)

 **_feuilly_** : aww :))) relationship goals

 **plantastic** : ^^^

 **MariusFucker** : tag urself im courfeyrac

 **courffee** : ok im going to summarize the plan for you guys ok ready

 **courffee** : combeferre is going to text enjolras and ask if he wants to go out to get some food before the meeting. enjoras will get really conflicted bc he wont be sure if he wants to rush and eat BEFORE the meeting or wait until AFTER the meeting bc he knows he will be hungry DURING the meeting but he wont know when to eat. he will say they should at least go get coffee first so THAT gets enjolras out of his apartment.

 **moth_erfucker** : on it

 **courffee** : THEN while that is happening, joly, boss, and chetta, im going to need you to go to enjolras’s apartment bc i know u have a spare key and get ANY of the adoption papers for cats and/or dogs that you see on the table or in his room. check the coffee table too just to be safe. enjolras tends to Stress Adopt Animals and this is not a good thing bc grantaire does NOT have any room left in his apartment and combeferre is allergic to walking dogs, apparently.

 **moth_erfucker** : honestly, all i said was that we both have high demand jobs and we wont always be home to walk a dog

 **courffee** : SO YOU HATE DOGS COMBEFERRE? YOU WANT ALL THOSE POOR BABIES IN SHELTERS TO DIE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

 **moth_erfucker** : yes, courfeyrac, that is what i want.

 **courffee** : thats what i thought.

 **courffee** : cosette and marius, can you guys go set up the meeting a little early? i dont want enjolras to have to worry about that. so set up the chairs and start up the computer and grab some snakes?

 **MariusFucker** : yes we can totally do that

 **CosetteFucker** : what kind of snakes

 **moth_erfucker** : no

 **moth_erfucker** : MARIUS NO

 **moth_erfucker** : NOT SNAKES. SNACKS

 **CosetteFucker** : so wait? not snakes? are you sure?

 **MariusFucker** : listen it says snakes so what is the truth?

 **courffee** : its open to interpretation you know what i mean

 **johncena** : bring snakes i want one

 **epo9** : if you bring snakes i want one too

 **claudemoneY** : EPONINE IF YOU BRING A SNAKE TO MY APARTMENT IM KICKING YOU OUT

 **epo9** : no. ill have  a snake. i will be superior. WE will kick YOU out

 **claudemoneY** : LISTEN

 **courffee** : COMBEFERRE HAVE YOU TEXTED ENJORAS YET?

 **moth_erfucker** :  on it

 

-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **_moth_erfucker_ **

 

 **moth_erfucker** : HEY BABE DO U WANNA GET OUR GRUB ON??

 **moth_erfucker** : ON ME

 **moth_erfucker** : we can go to panera

 **moth_erfucker** : oh wait youre banned from panera

 **moth_erfucker** : we CAN GO GET COFFEE!!

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **moth_erfucker** : ok i texted him but he hasnt texted me back

 **courffee** : ok well its almost 5 now so this might not totally work out but lets just go with it and see what happens okay

 **courffee** : the rest of the plan involves 3 packs of oreos, 7 paper clips, 6 empty cardboard boxes, a liter of fake blood, and a 7 piece live orchestra.

 **courffee** : but we can get to that when we get to the meeting. its easier to tell everyone in person bc its a lot to type out

 **_feuilly_** : i can bring the oreos and the paper clips

 **johncena** : i can bring the boxes

 **epo9** : i can bring the fake blood

 **moth_erfucker** : idk about a 7 piece live orchestra but i can play violin

 **courffee** : i know babe yes bring ur violin

 **MariusFucker** : me and marius are on the way over to the cafe

 **moth_erfucker** : enjorlas still hasnt texted me back its been like 10 minutes thats so unlike him. hes usually on his phone checking news outlets every 5 minutes

 **moth_erfucker** : has anyone seen him today?

 **_feuilly_** : no im pretty sure we have all been to hungover

 **moth_erfucker** : HMMMMMMMM

 **chettta** : dont worry im sure he’ll be at the meeting tonight he has never missed a meeting ever

 **chettta** : remember when he came even though he had like a 39°C fever and he was like throwing up while trying to give a speech on cultural appropriation and then fainted

 **BossAssBitch** : remember when he came in the middle of that rain storm like there was that weather advisory warning and everyone stayed home except for grantaire and joly where were already at cafe musain and were trapped there for hours?

 **_feuilly_** : remember when he was dog sitting bahorels bulldog and he brought the dog to the meeting

 **johncena** : awe :)) did he really :)) good.

 **chettta** : YES I REMEMBR THAT

 **MariusFucker** : and the dog like?? imprinted on him and would whine if he left him at home or even just in the other room so he literally had to carry him around EVERYWHERE. he had like one of those front chest baby holder thingamajigs and would carry the dog around in that

 **moth_erfucker** : thats how he could kicked out of chipotle AND the movie theater

 **claudemoneY** : are you sure i should go? i mean maybe i should just give him some space?

 **courffee** : idk grantaire this plan revolves around the fact of you being there

 **claudemoneY** : are you sure tho??

 **epo9** : yes go

 **epo9** : what if you dont go and you miss the chance of punching him in the face?

 **CosetteFucker** : why would he punch him in the face?

 **epo9** : bc he gotta

 **CosetteFucker** : u right

 **courffee** : ok so its like 5:25 now so it looks like we are passing step one of the plan and going straight to step two.

 **courffee** : chetta boss and joly have you gone over to enjolras’s yet

 **chettta** : were almost there.

 **BossAssBitch** : were looking for parking

 **courffee** : ok meet us at the cafe imma go over there and set up a couple last minute things

 **courffee** : eponine DO NOT FORGET THE FAKE BLOOD

 **epo9** : oN IT

 **courffee** : OKAY EVERYONE MEET IN 35 MINUTES

 

-o-

 

 **chettta** : there is no adoption papers

 **courffee** : thats so odd??

 **plantastic** : not even a SINGLE dog adoption form?? he tried to adopt SEVEN dogs when they ruled that pluto wasnt a planet.

 **BossAssBitch** : not only that but also?? no enjolras??

 **BossAssBitch** : hes not home

 **moth_erfucker** : maybe hes just on his way to the cafe?

 **MariusFucker** : hes not here yet but i will keep you guys posted

 

-o-

 

 **_feuilly_** : its literally 5:55 and enjorlas still isnt here

 **claudemoneY** : if the professor doesnt show up within 15 minutes were allowed to leave

 **johncena** : does that apply here though?

 **claudemoneY** : im pretty sure thats how it works

 **chettta** : are we really uncapable of having a meeting without enjoras running it? we can do this without him its ok

 **courffee** : ok but what the fyck what about my plan

 **moth_erfucker** : oh no….,,, its to bad,,,,.. that..,,., you.,,.. werent able,... to do your plan…,.,, to bad., …

 **courffee** : you know what?

 **moth_erfucker** : what?

 **courffee** : come at me bro

 **moth_erfucker** : ill fucking punch UR FACE with MY face BRO

 **moth_erfucker** : no homo tho

 **courffee** : yeah no homo

 

-o-

 

 **CosetteFucker** : literally hes already 20 minutes late im pretty sure hes not coming

 **johncena** : and we dont have any of his powerpoints to put up? what even was the meeting today supposed to be about

 **MariusFucker** : um???

 **claudemoneY** : oh my god this is all my fault

 **epo9** : no its okay dont worry we will find him im sure he’ll turn up

 **chettta** : but if hes not home and hes not here then where is he???

 **BossAssBitch** : im starting to get worried this is so not like him

 **claudemoneY** : maybe i should just go idk

 **courffee** : that wouldnt do anything no you have to stay to help me clean up all the fake blood that i spilled

 **claudemoneY** : of course

 **_feuilly_** : someone should try texting him again

 **moth_erfucker** : i already did and he didnt reply to me so maybe someone else try

 **plantastic** : im gonna try

 

-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **_plantastic_ **

 

 **plantastic** : hey we missed you at the meeting?? im pretty sure this is the first one that youve ever missed!!

 **plantastic** : what the fuck reply to me you trick ass hoe

 

-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **_moth_erfucker_ **

 

 **moth_erfucker** : not to be dramatic but are you dead

 

-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **__feuilly__ **

 

 **_feuilly_** : listen, my man, my dude, my chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, whats up dude?? where are you?? we’re mad missin u bro

 

-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **_chettta_ **

 

 **chettta** : BOIIII

 **chettta** : its joly whats good

 **chettta** : listen things are getting out of hand without you. Combeferre and bahorel keep thinking up scenarios in which ur dead and thats why u werent at the meeting

 **chettta** : courfeyrac had some type of plan in place for something that has NOTHING to do with you but didnt work because you werent there and now hes moping and spilled fake blood and made a fort with empty cardboard boxes

 **chettta** : were dyin over here

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat “_ ** _Les_** **_Amemes_** _”_

 

 **chettta** : ok where tf is he tbh

 **claudemoneY** : you know what would solve this???

 **claudemoneY** : death.

 **courffee** : im very depressed that my plan didnt work im only using lower case letters until i find happiness again.

 

-o-

 

 **epo9** has a new message from **gayvroche**

 

 **gayvroche** : hey nbd but is there a reason enjolras showed up at my dorm and proceeded to make my entire room a blanket fort and bar the windows and is now watching all of parks and recreation all the way through while covered in like 7 blankets and eating all my ramon?? like?? its fine but im trying to study for my poli sci class and his random screaming and me having to comfort him every 3 minutes is kind of distracting tbh.

 **epo9** : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  GAVROCHE IM SCREAMING HANG ON

 

-o-

 

_you have entered the group chat **“Les Amemes”**_

 

 **epo9** : GUYs GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYSG I FOIUND HIM

 **moth_erfucker** : WHAT THE FUCK WHERE

 **epo9** : _sent an image **receipts12.jpeg**_

 **claudemoneY** : oh mu god

 **plantastic** : HOW IS THIS EBVEN POSSIBLE

 **courffee** : HOW DID HE GET ALL THE WAY TO GAVROCHES UNIVERSITY ALREADY  ITS LIKE 3 HOURS AWAY

 **epo9** : IM ADDING GAVROCHE

 

_**epo9** has added **gayvroche** to the group chat “ **Les Amemes”** _

  


**gayvroche** : whats up u gays

 **claudemoneY** : HEY SON

 **gayvroche:** grantaire, enjolras fell asleep like 20 min ago. why does he keep mumbling ur name in his sleep

 **claudemoneY** : studies show that you mumble the names of the people you want to kill in ur sleep

 **moth_erfucker** : source?

 **claudemoneY** : dude trust me.

 **gayvroche** : anyways, who is responsible for me now being responsible for enjolras.

 **claudemoneY** : that would be me

 **gayvroche** : ah yes i should have known.

 **epo9** : weve already had to tell this story like a million times but here we go. we got drunk last night and grantaire walked enjolras home and then enjolras killed grantaire but then forgot and then grantaire told him this morning and then he freaked out and i guess hitched a train to ur place.

 **grayvroche** : ok no wonder he keeps crying whenever ben and leslie interact in parks and rec

 **gayvroche** : also enjolras did not “kill” grantaire right? that was a typo, it was supposed to say “kiss” right. grantaire is not dead? this is not grantaires ghost texting us from beyond the veil?

 **epo9** : correct

 **gayvroche** : ok then

 **claudemoneY** : also it wasnt as much as a kiss as it was enjolras like, him biting my bottom lip.

 **gayvroche** : wait but gantaire you DO like him right?

 **claudemoneY** : i dont even know dude like i fucking love him man, like, you have no idea. hes just… i.. i mean.., like.,., hes just so?? u know?? like i cant even explain it he just makes me wanna die but also be alive at the same time. every time he walks into the room i lose my breath and my heart rate speeds up and i know that i make fun of him alot and argue with him but thats just cause he looks so hot when he gets mad bc he looks like he wants to kill me and im like yaaasss slay me bitch!!! murder me with ur words!!!!!

 **gayvroche** : oh my god thats so gay what the fuck relationship goals??

 **_feuilly_** : RT

 **moth_erfucker** : grantaire ur so far gone

 **chettta:** joly just fell down bc he was screaming

 **moth_erfucker** : gavroche he hasnt been replying to any of our messages

 **courffee** : he missed tonights meeting he never does that

 **BossAssBitch** : tbh i cant tell if hes like just surprised or if hes like horrified  

 **johncena** : TBH HES LUCKY THAT HE GOT TO KISS GRANTAIRE

 **johncena** : no homo but ive kissed grantaire before and hes a really good kisser. NO HOMO THO

 **claudemoneY** : i remember that ur a good kisser too

 **johncena** : thx?? i know  right??? its one of my more redeeming qualities.

 **_feuilly_** : i can second that

 **MariusFucker** : gavroche can you get enjolras to reply to his texts? does he even have his phone

 **gayvroche** : yeah he has his phone he gets all the texts you guys sends him. He reads them aloud to me but gives me no context so its hard to give him advice.

 **gayvroche** : he also hovers over the call button on grantaires contact but then screams and throws his phone across the room

 **gayvroche:** not to be rude or anything bc i love enjolras with all my heart and he is my hero but i just started my summer semester and i have like a lot of class work to do and enjolras looks like he is kinda set up to stay for the  long term. how long do you think hes gonna stay???

 **moth_erfucker** : TBH i dont know this is so delicate i have no idea how enjolras’s mind works but it seems that hes having some kind of nervous breakdown?  i wish i could get some brain scans right now this is so interesting how hes reacting to this situation. Gavroche do you think you could write down everything that enjolras does and also get some pictures of his pupils and also check his heartbeat and test the pH of his saliva??

 **gayvroche** : combeferre i know that science is ur kink but maybe keep it in the bedroom???

 **moth_erfucker** : honestly? rude.

 **chettta** : at least we know where he is?

 **BossAssBitch** : at least hes talking to ONE of us. gavroche try and figure out how he feels about all of this

 **gayvroche** : ok yeah. i have to go to class rn but ill text him and maybe he will reply to me

 **courffee** : thats not a very elaborate plan but its a solid one. keep us posted.

  


-o-

 

 **AP0LL0** has a new message from **gayvroche**

 

 **gayvrohce** : hey dude can i get you anything while im out? food, more blankets, ur dignity…

 **AP0LL0** : WOW thats uncalled for

 **gayvroche** : dude whats wrong u gotta tell me if ur gonna transform my entire room into a secret hide out

 **AP0LL0:** ok fine but keep it lowkey ok

 **gayvroche** : u know it

 **AP0LL0** : i kissed grantaire last night

 **gayvroche** : YASSS

 **grayvroche** : FUCK IT UP

 **AP0LL0:** nO I THINK I MIGHT HAVE MESSED UP OUR FRIENDSHIP

 **gayvroche** : how//??

 **AP0LL0** : bECAUSE NOW GRANTAIRE PROBABLY THINKS THAT I LIKE HIM!!

 **gayroche** : do you not like him??

 **AP0LL0** : NO MAN I DO LIKE HIM THATS THE PROBLEM

 **gayvroche** : explain

 **AP0LL0** : BC ITS GONNA BE AWKWARD AND WEIRD AND I KNOW HE DOESNT LIKE ME LIKE THAT BUT I DO GAVROCHE OH MY GOD I REALLY DO I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT HE THINKS THAT ALL MY IDEAS ARE DUMB AND THAT EVERYTHING I STAND FOR IS FAKE AND HE DOESNT THINK OF ME THE SAME WAY I THINK OF HIM AND I REALLY DIDNT MEAN TO KISS HIM LAST NIGHT I WAS JUST SO DRUNK AND HE WAS SO CUTE AND IT WAS SO NICE OF HIM TO GET ME HOME SAFE LAST NIGHT AND I JUST FEEL SO BAD BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO MAKE GRANTAIRE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE OR ANYTHING OK I JUST,,..., I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND ITS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO REALIZE IT BUT IM PRETTY SURE I DO

 **gayvroche** : honey,..,., sweetie…,.. my poor son.., listen… you have to just go and tell grantaire how you feel

 **AP0LL0:** i dont think you understand how much i cant do that

 **gayvroche** : no u gotta.

 **AP0LL0** : ok but what if i just die instead

 **gayvroche** : how do you know he doesnt feel the same way?

 **AP0LL0** : BC I JUST KNOW

 **gayvroche** : sounds fake?

 **AP0LL0** : sounds not fake

 **gayvroche** : heres the deal kiddo. you can stay in my dorm for TWO DAYS so that you can calm down. we can watch movies and you can tutor me in poli sci and we can dish about ex’s and i can tell u about the guy im talkin to rn and i can do ur makeup and we can take some BOMB ASS SELFIES

 **AP0LL0** : YASSSS FUCK IT UPP

 **gayvroche** : but only if, AFTER those two days are up, you go and tell grantaire how you feel.

 **AP0LL0** : so i liked the first part of that but idk about the second part

 **gayvroche:** THAT IS THE DEAL NO TAKE BACKS

 **AP0LL0:** HMMMMM

 **AP0LL0** : fine ok u have a deal

 

-o-

 

_you have entered the group chat “ **Les Amemes”** _

 

 **gayvroche:** ok so im letting enjolras spend 2 days with me then he should be back

 **moth_erfucker** : ok cool. did u figure out how he feels

 **gayvroche** : yes i did but im not gonna break the bro code and tell u losers

 **chettta** : fair enough

 **courffee** : how are we supposed to stay alive for 2 whole days without enjolras

 **johncena** : you mean? how are we gonna celebrate the fact that we wont get any informative emails about current events for TWO days?

 **johncena** : wait scratch that i just checked my emails and there is an email forwarded to all of us from an hour ago

 **claudemoneY** : WOW he cant call me but he can send me an email about how a certain type of spider is going extinct in the amazon forest because of deforestation? typical.

 **_feuilly_:** relationship goals

 **epo9:** gavroche keep us posted alright? make sure that enjolras doesnt take up smoking again bc it gives him stomach aches.

 **courffee** : also make sure that he drinks lots of water and limit the junk food to a minimum bc if he breaks out he will freak out even more and then that stress will make him breakout even MORE and then he will die

 **moth_erfucker:** DONT !! LET !! HIM !! WATCH !! BLACKFISH !! actualy if he tries to watch ANY documentary of cruelty in seaworld or the ocean in general he will start crying and its really hard to get him to stop

 **chettta:** joly said that if you need to distract him just talk about whitewashing in popular media and/or hamilton the musical

 **BossAssBitch** : if you need anything just text any one of us and someone can come down probably.

 **gayvroche:** got it nice as fuck

 **claudemoneY** : you hold my love life in ur hand like a fragile bird. dont fuck this up for me ok i trust u

 **gayvroche:** dad come on i would never let u down if anything enjolras will come back MORE GAY

 **gayvroche** : if this goes well can i have 2 tickets to ur ballet? the guy im talking to is in love with it hes like a super fanboy he blogs about it on tumblr and cant believe that im best friends with the creator and havent seen it yet

 **claudemoneY:** if this goes well i will give you two THOUSAND tickets and backstage passes and ill let u crash at my apartment.

 **gayvroche** : OH MY GOD DO U KNOW HOW MUCH HE WOULD LOVE ME FOR THAT??? I WOULD DEFINETLY GET LAID.

 **gayvroche:** or maybe he would try and get with u idk hes in love with u but this is a chance i am willing to take

 **claudemoneY** : and if this fails i will sue you for a hate crime.

 **gayvroche** : that doesnt work im gay too

 **claudemoneY** : gays can still be homophobic u little punk

 **gayvroche** : ill see u in court dad

 **claudemoneY** : ILL SEE U IN FUCKING COURT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: oblwan_  
> tumblr: hawwkeyee


	7. every1 is a mess, half dressed, lowkey pathetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enjolras is about to come home from fleeing to gavroches to avoid having to confront his feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey bros sorry i havent posted in so long, im currently in thailand doing volunteer work and also have a summer class and summer assignments and just finished school but i did it.  
> twitter: OBLWAN_  
> tumblr: hawwkeyee

**enjolras - AP0LL0**

**grantaire - claudemoneY**

**Marius - CosetteFucker**

**Cosette - MariusFucker**

**Joly - jolyranchers**

**eponine -epo9**

**bossuet -BossAssBitch**

**courfeyrac - courffee**

**combeferre - moth_erfucker**

**bahorel - johncena**

**jehan - plantastic**

**feuilly - _feuilly_**

**musichetta - chettt** **a**

**Montparnasse - memepornASSe**

**gavroche - gayvroche**

 

**-o-**

 

 _you have entered the group chat “_ **_!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!_ ** _” with_ **_claudemoneY, epo9, chettta, BossAssBitch,_ ** _and_ **_plantastic_ **

 

 **claudemoneY** : guys im sobbing did you see those bomb ass selfies enjolras posted on twitter

 **claudemoneY** : gavroche REALLY knows his way around a contour pallet

 **claudemoneY** : im not sure if it would be weird to fav/rt them?

 **claudemoneY** : but im pretty sure it would be weird for me to quote them with “YAAASSS DADDY FUCK ME UPPPP SLAYYY ME LIKE YOU DO THE PATRIARCHY” right?

 **plantastic** : i mean? just a little bit

 **epo9** : BOOIIII YOU WONT

 **claudemoneY** : youre right i wont

 **chettta** : gavroche said that enjolras is going to come back tomorrow

 **claudemoneY** : in other totally unrelated news, i am moving to america and my flight is tomorrow morning :)

 **epo9** : if you go to america can i come? montparnasse has a friend who crashed with us for a couple days who lives in new york. i think he works in the government or something. his name is thomas i think??? he bought a vape once from montparnasses vape shop.

 **claudemoneY** : yes we will go to america and stay with thomas this is a good idea.

 **BossAssBitch** : or maybe you should stay and see what happens with enjolras?? :))

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has removed_ **_BossAssBitch_ ** _from the group chat “_ **_!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!_ ** _”_

 

 **claudemoneY** : anyways

 **plantastic** : grantaire you cant keep running away from your problems

 **claudemoneY** : _sent a picture_ **_gtgchicken.jpeg_ **

**epo9** : DRAG

 **claudemoneY** : in all seriousness, i did a rolling stones interview today and since my ballet is a love story the interviewer asked me about MY love life and if it had any impacts on my writing and i took a drink of water so that i could have time to think of an answer but then i started choking on my water and literally couldnt think of a lie because the protagonist's (me) love interest is LITERALLY enjolras like LITERALLY.

 **chettta** : UPFHA;OEWUBFAP

 **epo9** : BOOOIIIIIIIII

 **plantastic** : UR DYIN OUT THERE

 **jolyranchers** : SOMEONE SAVE GRANTAIRE FROM HIMSELF

 **jolyranchers** : BTW U GUYS IM BACK I GOT A NEW PHONE

 **jolyranchers** : it only costed 15 months in rent, half my soul, my left arm, my will to live, and i had to sell my body to science to pay for insurance but here we are :))

 **chettta** : gotta love capitalism :)))

  


-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat “_ **_Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **courffee** : i miss enjolras :((

 **claudemoneY** : who is enjolras

 **claudemoneY** : i have no idea who you are referring to tbh

 **gayvroche** : ya know, blonde hair, rlly passionate about politics, currently passed out on a cold pizza

 **plantastic** : oh MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS

 **_feuilly_** : pics or it didnt happen

 **gayvroche** : _sent a picture_ **_ohithappened_ ** _._ **_jpeg_ **

**moth_erfucker** : did i save this picture or did this picture save me

 **johncena** : IM PRINTING THIS OUT AND FRAMING IT

 **jolyranchers:** beautiful, spectacular, show stopping, amazing.

 **chettta** : TATTOO THIS ON MY FACE

 **MariusFucker** : is that pineapple on his pizza what the fuck blocked

 **CosetteFucker** : r u srs……

 **MariusFucker** : what

 **CosetteFucker** : you dont like pineapple on ur pizza?

 **MariusFucker** : no?? how do u not know this weve been dating for almost THREE YEARS

 **CosetteFucker** : idk???

 **CosetteFucker** : i guess we never really order pizza bc we have those free coupons to the Thai place that is RIGHT next to the pizza place and even when we do go into the pizza place we always just end up buying that pizza that is actually a big cookie

 **MariusFucker** : oh my god ur right.

 **_feuilly_** : ok wait are you saying that in your three years of dating you never ONCE had the conversation of “what do you want on your pizza”?

 **CosetteFucker** : i mean im sure we did?

 **johncena** : ok but we all got pizza together like LAST WEEK

 **MariusFucker** : yeah but we ordered as a group so we got one cheese 3 veggie and one pepperoni

 **_feuilly_** : but i specifically remember marius asking if we could put pineapple on one of the veggie ones

 **MariusFucker** : i thought he was being ironic?? sarcastic?? i thought he was trying to be funny? Like ? Performance art

 **plantastic** : how is that funny

 **MariusFucker** : idk like “haha lets put rusty nails on our pizza haha lmao!”

 **courffee** : sweet jesus you RELLY dont like pineapple

 **MariusFucker** : WHY WOULD YOU PUT FRUIT ON PIZZA?? WHO WANTS TO EAT WARM COOKED FRUIT WITH CHESE AND TOMATO SAUCE?? WHO??

 **CosetteFucker** : ME

 **MariusFucker** : were breaking up

 **plantastic** : i like pineapple on my pizza tbh?

 **CosetteFucker** : THANK YOU

 **_feuilly_** : SAME?

 **gayvroche** : i dont mind it. enjolras likes it though. i think? he ordered some weird stuff. the guy on the phone sounded so confused when he asked them to crumple up cookies and bake them into the pizza along with pineapple, celery, sriracha, and black olives. I think he's having a midlife crisis

 **gayvroche** : also they didnt have sriracha and he started crying until i told him that i had some he could use

 **claudemoneY** : this is the man i have chosen to love everyone

 **courffee** : its okay it happens to the best of us

 **courffee** : like one time, when me and combeferre were in bed i was like half asleep but conscious enough to know that ferre checked if i was asleep, assumed i was, and then started eating a box of oreos that i know FOR FACT had been lying open on the nightstand for A WHOLE WEEK while also watching project runway.

 **moth_erfucker** : this is disgusting.

 **_feuilly_** : askKJASLDJFASDFASJ

 **moth_erfucker** : i would NEVER

 **moth_erfucker** : IM DIVORCING YOU

 **moth_erfucker** : ok but thats nothing compared to that time you LITERALLY PRE-CHEWED FOOD FOR THAT BABY BIRD THAT MUSICHETTA FOUND

 **chettta** : aww :)) i remember that :)) that was the first time we met

 **chettta** : i remember finding it with its broken wing on the street outside my appt and vaguely knowing there was a vet student a couple floors above me??

 **chettta** : i literally knocked on 8 doors trying to find you

 **courffee** : i remember borrowing medical supplies from my classroom to take care of it :))

 **moth_erfucker** : “borrowed”

 **moth_erfuker** : you mean STOLE

 **courffee** : listen

 **courffee** : think of the animals

 **moth_erfucker** : i cant believe im dating a THIEF

 **claudemoneY** : jehan? is that you?

 **plantastic** : BOI IF YOU DONT CUT IT OUT

 **claudemoneY** : i only speak the truth

 **plantastic** : LISTEN me and montparnasse arent even dating sooooooo

 **epo9** : ok but you like each other right

 **plantastic** : idk he doesnt seem like the kind of guy that i would be into

 **plantastic** : and he doesnt seem like the kind of guy that would be into someone like me

 **epo9** : hang on

 **plantastic** : WOAH STOP

 **plantastic** : IDK WHAT YOURE DOING BUT NOOOO

 **epo9** : :)

 **plantastic** : BOI

 

-o-

 

 **_mempornASSe_ ** _has a new message from_ **_epo9_ **

 

 **epo9** : so we need to talk

 **memepornASSe** : listen im going to clean up the blood in the bathroom thats nothing. also? if you find any drugs in the apartment those arent mine they're for a friend and idk where those police handcuffs came from they just showed up in the living room haha? also if someone named Thenardier calls he is a SLUT and also sold me REALLY BAD WEED and i told him if he comes by at any time i am going to CALL THE COPS also FYI there is a loose tarantula in the apartment somewhere idk where but just be on the lookout, his name is spaghetti and i love him but am also terrified of him so im not coming back to home until you catch him ok? :)))) thx ily :)))

 **epo9** : ……..anyways

 **epo9** : this isnt about any of that but thanks for the info?

 **memepornASSe** : oh ok whats up

 **epo9** : what did you think of jehan :))))

 **memepornASSe** : you mean the love of my life?

 **memepornASSe** : no i have no idea who ur talking

 **epo9** : KLASHDF;AS’

 **memepornASSe** : i am gonna need you to delete that last text tho i gotta keep my street cred up

 **epo9** : so are you going to ask them out or anything :)))

 **epo9:** can i set you up on a date??  
**memepornASSe** : listen,..

 **memepornASSe** : i dont do dating much

 **epo9** : you need to stop saying that to sound dramatic literally you have had 3 boyfriends in the last year ur so fake

 **memepornASSe** : LISTEN…,,,

 **memepornASSe** : plus idk theyre just so put together and sure of themselves and out of my league and then HERE I AM a MESS APOLOGETIC HALF DRESSED I LOOK PATHETIC

 **memepornASSe** : except thats fake bc i always look TOO NICE like i am ON FLEEK 200 PRECENT OF THE TIME TBH

 **memepornASSe** : but only on the outside

 **memepornASSe** : on the inside i am A MESS™

 **memepornASSe** : i dont even have their number

 **memepornASSe** : i forgot to ask for it

 **memepornASSe** : bc i am A MESS™

 **epo9** : so is that a yes to setting you up on a date

 **memepornASSe** : yes

 **epo9** : :)

 

-o-

 

 _you have entered the group chat “_ **_Les Amemes_ ** _”_

 

 **epo9** : jehan would you like to go on a date with montparnasse?

 **plantastic** : yes

 **plantastic** : why did he say something

 **plantastic** : omg what did he say

 **plantastic** : i replied ‘yes’ WAY to fast

 **plantastic** : that was like 3 second after you asked that

 **plantastic** : jehan, chill

 **epo9** : ok im going to make a reservation at that vegan sushi place?? montparnasse rlly likes that place and i know you do too

 **plantastic** : OMG HE LIKES THAT PLACE??

 **courffee** : this is so cute

 **jolyranchers:** YAASS BOII

 **claudemoneY** : OH SHIT WADDUP

 **moth_erfucker** : modern day romance :,)

 **johncena** : DO IT

 **chettta:** SLAYYYYY

 **_feuilly_** : this is SO GAY

 **MariusFucker** : everyone is getting into couples this is so great

 **plantastic** : eponine do it

 **plantastic** : SET ME UP

 **plantastic** : to die

 **plantastic** : grantaire are you still moving to america bc if you are i wanna come

 **CosetteFucker** : what the fuck grantaire youre moving to america since when??

 **claudemoneY** : YAS BRO FUCK IT UP LETS GO TICKETS ARE ON ME

 **plantastic** : sice

 **johncena** : wait im confused are you actually moving to america?

 **courffee** : can i come there is this new musical that i want to audition for on broadway called like obama the musical and its about their president and i wanna be in it so bad

 **claudemoneY** : YAASS bitch fuck it UP

 **plantastic** : ok so its settled, we leave tomorrow at dawn

 **_feuilly_** : guns, drawn.

 **johncena** : youre not actually going though? this is fake

 **courffee** : well idk about you dudes but i am definitely auditioning for that musical. theyre having open auditions here in paris so imma do it bc yolo

 **moth_erfucker** : no one has said yolo since 2012

 **courffee** : well i literally JUST said it

 **moth_erfucker** : were getting a divorce.

 **courffee** : thats fine i need to focus more on my acting career anyway.

 **courffee** : AND MAYBE NOW I CAN FINALLY GET A FUCKING DOG

 **moth_erfucker** : UNCALLED FOR

 **_feuilly_** : pls stop if you guys break up i will LITERALLY stop believing in love

 **johncena** : ^^^

 **courffee** : no its fine im currently laying on combeferres back as he makes me dinner

 **MariusFucker** : as in, like, piggyback?

 **courffee** : yes.

 **courffee** : were having a competition

 **CosetteFucker** : which is?

 **moth_erfucker** : whoever can carry the other for the longest gets to pick the movie we watch

 **plantastic** : whos winning

 **moth_erfucker** : courf literally dropped me after 4 minutes and 34 seconds

 **moth_erfucker** : bc he is smol and only used to carrying cats and stuff

 **courffee** : thats fake i had to pick up an 40 kg dog the other day so im basically superman tbh

 **_feuilly_** : ok and how long has courf been on your back

 **moth_erfucker** : 25 minutes and 51 seconds

 **courffee** : listen i know he already won but im so tall now i feel like there is a whole new world up here

 **plantastic** : does anyone else really miss enjolras or is it just me

 **claudemoneY** : its not just you

 **courffee** : i know hes only been gone like 2 days but it feels like weeks

 **claudemoneY** : same

 

-o-

 

 **_epo9_ ** _and_ **_plantastic_ ** _have a new message from_ **_courffee_ **

 

 **courffee** : has either of you guys checked up on grantaire like in person in a while

 **courffee** : im worried that hes anxious and/or guilty about what is happening

 **epo9** : i was about to head over to his apartment rn

 **courffee** : ok good i would but tonight is date night

 **plantastic** : ponine can i come im so bored and freaking about about this date with montparnasse and i need you to tell me everything about him

 **epo9** : yaass

 **epo9** : im actually rlly close to ur apartment rn bc i need to stop by that bakery that grantaire likes

 **plantastic** : the one that sells those rlly good cinnamon rolls?

 **epo9** : yes

 **plantastic** : YAS ok i will meet u there in like 10 minutes

 **epo9** : gucci

 

-o-

 

 **_gayvroche_ ** _has a new message from_ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

 **AP0LL0** : when r u getting back from class im boreddddddd

 **gavroche** : have you even left my dorm since you got here?

 **AP0LL0** : no :)

 **AP0LL0** :  also i proof read the essay on your desk and you made some really good points but i fixed a lot of typoes and also you kinda strayed from your main argument in the second body paragraph but besides that it was killer

 **gayvroche** : aww :)) look at that maybe you arent completely useless

 **gayvroche** : a couple of my friends are getting together tonight in like two hours for a party type thing if you want to come.

 **gayvroche** : you could still totally pass for a uni student

 **AP0LL0** : omg i havent been to a uni party in like 3 years yas i totally wanna go

 **AP0LL0** : is that boy gonna be there???

 **gayvroche** : YES AND IM FREAKING OUT AND THATS WHY YOU HAVE TO COME SO I DONT HAVE TO GO ALONE OK

 **AP0LL0** : OKAY ILL GO

 **gayvroche** : you should totally bring up how youre in love with the creator of Monarchie L’amor, ya know, grantaires ballet

 **gayvroche** : bc you two would have SO much to talk about

 **gayvroche** : bc he too, is in love with grantaire

 **AP0LL0** : WOW

 **gayvroche** : :)))))

 **AP0LL0** : …….anyways

 **gayvroche** : what time are you leaving tomorrow?

 **AP0LL0** : i have a train for 9 am

 **AP0LL0** : but i was thinking that maybe i would just enroll in uni again… u know… hang with u… learn more stuff… hangout…. die…

 **gayvroche** : ok so 9 am?

 **AP0LL0** : LISTEN

 **AP0LL0** : yes 9 am

 **gayroche** : i believe in you enjolras you can do this

 **AP0LL0** : ok but do i WANT to

 **gayvroche** : yes

 **AP0LL0** : sounds fake…

 **gayvroche** : sounds real

 **AP0LL0** : can u bring home more ramen

 **gayvroche** : no but im bringing you a protein smoothie and a kale and spinach salad with walnuts and cranberries

 **AP0LL0** : i did not know how much i needed that until JUST NOW

 **gayvroche** : what are best friends for :)))))))))))

 

-o-

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _and_ **_plantastic_ ** _have a new message from_ **_epo9_ **

 

 **epo9** : hey loser me and jehan are almost at ur place can you buzz us up in a couple?

 **claudemoneY** : ok fam

 **claudemoneY** : did i forget that we made plans or are you just chillin

 **plantastic** : were just chillin

 **claudemoneY** : nice AF

 **epo9** : are you okay dude?

 **claudemoneY** : yes?

 **epo9** : ok yeah but like youve seemed a little off since the kiss and stuff

 **claudemoneY** : idk im just confused as to why enjolras felt like he literally needed to leave the city after he realized he kissed me?

 **claudemoneY** : like? was it that bad?

 **plantastic** : i dont think it was you, i think it was just him psyching himself out

 **claudemoneY** : but hes done that before for tons of bigger things that were more important than a drunk kiss and hes managed to keep himself more calm

 **claudemoneY** : it was only a kiss how did it end up like this

 **plantastic** : (it was only a kiss it was only a kiss)

 **epo9** : obviously this is just really important to him

 **claudemoneY** : its obvious he just regrets what he did

 **plantastic** : Drunk Actions Are Just Sober Thoughts #JustGirlyThings

 **claudemoneY** : do you think he should be the one to talk to me first when he comes back tomorrow or should i approach him

 **epo9** : i would just see how things play out and if he doesnt say anything to you within like the day then maybe you could ask to talk to him or something?

 **plantastic** : yeah thats a good idea. i feel like he should talk to you though, since you were the one who wanted to talk about it in the first place and then he just kinda….. left….

 **claudemoneY** : yeah thats true

 **claudemoneY** :  like i was completely open and willing to talk about it but he LITERALLY JUST LEFT

 **plantastic** : thats bc he literally does not know how to deal with his feelings that he cant pour into a political or social issue. Hes so passionate about everything he does, and that includes the people in his life.

 **plantastic** : he just has problems conveying and explaining emotions and feelings sometimes

 **epo9:** i couldnt have explained it better myself

 **plantastic** : like do u remember his last boyfriend??

 **claudemoneY** : UGH u mean fucking LEO

 **claudemoneY** : my ENEMY

 **claudemoneY** : i cant believe they dated for TWO ENTIRE MONTHS

 **claudemoneY** : THE WORST TWO MONTHS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

 **epo9** : yes i know

 **epo9** : that was the worst two months of my life too bc i had to literally sleep at your apartment every night bc u didnt wanna be alone

 **claudemoneY** : ok literally you had been staying at my apartment literally an entire MONTH before they started dating and were planning on staying those two other months anyway so …… stop being a trick as hoe

 **epo9** : ok u got me

 **epo9** : but i still had to hear ur ass complain and whine about how Leo was wrong for enjolras

 **claudemoneY** : BC HE WAS!!  
**claudemoneY** : HE WASNT RIGHT FOR HIM HE WAS TOO IDK TOO WEIRD HE FREAKED ME OUT

 **epo9** : you and enjolras are basically polar opposites how do you argue ur side

 **claudemoneY** : bc we just works out ok

 **claudemoneY** : u cant appreciate the light without the dark

 **plantastic** : wow

 **plantastic** : deep

 **claudemoneY** : its true

 **plantastic:** grantaire how did u survive when Leo was around???

 **claudemoneY** : i literally didnt

 **claudemoneY** : that was when i stopped coming to meetings remember

 **plantastic** : oh my god ur right

 **plantastic** : enjolras was so pissed when u skipped he would be in a lowkey bad mood for the rest of the night

 **claudemoneY** : really?

 **plantastic** : yeah

 **claudemoneY** : LITERALLY HOW WOULD HE EXPECT ME TO GO WHEN FUCKING LEO WAS SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW MAKING GOOGLY EYES ALL NIGHT

 **claudemoneY** : AND THEN THEY WOULD FUCKING LIKE??? STAND NEXT TO EACH OTHER AND STUFF

 **claudemoneY** : THE AUDACITY OF THOSE TWO

 **claudemoneY** : I LITERALLY COULDNT TAKE IT SO I JUST STOPPED COMING

 **claudemoneY** : i was always so bored on thursday and saturday nights from 6-8 bc all my friends were at the meetings

 **plantastic** : this is so emo im so sorry

 **plantastic** : i dont even remember why they broke up tbh

 **plantastic** : it was like one day he was there and the next he was not

 **claudemoneY** : idk man but im glad it happened

 **epo9** : I REMEMBER THAT I CAME HOME FROM A MEETING AND TOLD YOU THEY BROKE UP AND YOU LITERALLY STARTED TWERKING

 **epo9** : YOU OPENED A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE

 **claudemoneY** : BC IT WAS A GOOD DAY

 **claudemoneY** : but also :(((( if apollo was sad bc he just went through a breakup but :)))))) bc GOOD

 **plantastic** : YOU R SUCH TRASH

 **claudemoneY** : IM LITERALLY JUST TRYING TO CHILL

 **epo9** : ok were here can u buzz us up

 **claudemoneY** : YAS BITCHES

  


-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **_plantastic_ **

 

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : answer me

 **plantastic** : i swear to god enjolras if you dont fucking answer me right now i will tell everyone that you sometimes go to starbucks

 **AP0L0** : hello jehan! long time to see! how’ve you been? the weather has been really weird lately hasn’t it? politics amirite!

 **plantastic** : you are OUTRAGEOUS

 **plantastic** : im going to ignore the fact that you left the city for a minute bc im sure you have a valid reason that i have no prior knowledge to but i do have a small question if you have time

 **AP0LL0** : i always have time for the best friend in the entire world :)) and best friends dont tell other friends that they sometimes give into corporate monopolies bc they’re running late but rlly RLLY need their caffeine fix :))) right ::))))

 **plantastic** : fam u GOTTA stop caring so much about what others think of you

 **AP0LL0** : imworkingonit

 **plantastic** : ANYWAYS

 **plantastic** : im glad ur ok btw xx

 **plantastic** : ok so i had a question about leo

 **AP0LL0** : who is leo

 **AP0LL0** : OH WAIT THAT LEO

 **plantastic** : right,.., im texting bc i realized that you never told anyone why u and him broke up and i think everyone just let it slide bc they didnt wanna pry but im a curious hoe and since its been like half a year since u broke up..,.., u should spill the tea

 **AP0LL0** : it was really nothing we just didnt have anything in common really.

 **AP0LL0** : we just didnt mesh well

 **AP0LL0** : also he didnt challenge me

 **AP0LL0** : we always agreed on everything and it was boring

 **AP0LL0** : also i hated him

 **AP0LL0** : also he was too nice

 **AP0LL0** : also we would always coincidentally wear the same color a lot and it pissed me off for some reason idk why

 **AP0LL0** : and he was just idk

 **plantastic** : it was like dating urself

 **AP0LL0** : EXACTLY

 **AP0LL0** : we got set up by someone i worked with bc he said we had so much in common and we went on a couple dates and i invited him to a couple meetings but idk it just wasnt a good fit u feel

 **plantastic** : yeah i feel

 **AP0LL0** : i wasnt too upset when we broke up but i didnt wanna come out and be like “Yeah i broke up with him bc he was too nice :))” bc that sounds really dickish of me

 **AP0LL0** : so i just acted sadish and stuff

 **plantastic** : i can understand that

 **AP0LL0** : anyways….//..

 **AP0LL0** : why do you ask

 **plantastic** : no reason really it just popped into my head and i thought i would ask

 **plantastic** : it also gave me a reason to spam text you to make sure u were ok

 **AP0LL0** : aw :)) what a babe

 **plantastic** : also i have a date with montparnasse and u missed so much when u were gone pls come home soon

 **AP0LL0** : im coming home tomorrow morning AND WHAT THE FUCK OMGOMGOMG IM SO PROUD OF YOU I CANT BELIEVE THIS IM SO EXCITED WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

 **AP0LL0** : WHEN IS IT

 **AP0LL0** : WHERE IS IT

 **AP0LL0** : DONT DO ANY DRUGS THAT YOU DONT WANT TO DO

 **AP0LL0** : BRING THE PEPPER SPRAY THAT YOU HAVE

 **AP0LL0** : HAVE ME ON SPEED DIAL

 **plantastic** : omG OMG

 **plantastic** : we can talk all about this when u get back and maybe about hoW YOU FUCKING LEFT THE CITY WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE??

 **AP0LL0** : HMMMM OK FINE ILL SEE U TOMORROW

 **plantastic** : I LOVE YOU xxxox

 **AP0LL0** : I LOVE YOU TOO

 

-o-

 

 **_AP0LL0_ ** _has a new message from_ **_gayvroche_ **

**gayvroche** : ok u ready to go

 **AP0LL0** : am i ready to go get drunk with a bunch of 19 year olds? u bet

 **gayvroche** : only 19 but my mind is older

 **AP0LL0** : im not throwin away my shot

 **AP0LL0** : as in, lets do some shots

 **gayvroche** : YAASS

 **gayvroche** : ok but u need to make me look rlly cool ok

 **AP0LL0** : whats this guys name that ur into?

 **gayvroche** : ok so his name is Lucas and im in love with him

 **AP0LL0** : ok tell me more

 **gayvroche** : hes studying to be a lawyer and he is rlly into roman mythology and ballet and asian politics and he has a rlly big collection of movie posters from the 70’s

 **gayvoche** : and his favorite show is adventure time and also that show where they try and convince you that aliens helped people build stuff in the past

 **AP0LL0** : ancient aliens?

 **gayvroche** : yes that one

 **gayvroche** : also his favorite animals are bats and his favorite color is baby blue

 **AP0LL0** : how is his instagram?

 **gayvroche** : aesthetic but not to the point where he doesnt post pictures of his friends.

 **gayvroche** : its like he made it look aesthetic but not to the point where it looks like hes putting any effort into TRYING to make it look aesthetic

 **AP0LL0** : wow that must take a lot of effort

 **gayvroche** : god yes

 **gayvroche** : but its worth it bc it looks great

 **gayvroche** : also hes trans just FYI and hes really open about it and super chill

 **AP0LL0** : noted

 **AP0LL0** : alright lets go make kid fall in love with you

 **gayvroche** : OH SHIT WADDUP

 **AP0LL0** : also dont let me drunk text

 **gayvroche** : ok give me ur phone now then

 **AP0LL0** : ok aces

 

-o-

 

 **_claudemoneY_ ** _has a new message from_ **_AP0LL0_ **

 

_1:43 am_

 

 **AP0LL0** : heuy lsiten imn sorty tahyyt ijm basd at talking

 **claudemoneY** : hey apollo, you alright?

 **AP0LL0** : UR alright

 **AP0LL0** : if ur know waht i mean ;)))()

 **AP0LL0** : asnywasys im seeing uu tomorwoe anfd im goiung to taslk words in ur face

 **claudemoneY** : haha alright dude, where is gavroche?

 **AP0LL0** : gays wash is the witgh luke us  n i stole my phone backj

 **claudemoneY** : you should probably drink some water ok?

 **AP0LL0** : causer im THIRSTY

 **claudemoneY** : i am enjoying this so much

 **AP0LL0** : do u ever thinkinf about climate changing?

 **claudemoneY** : of course. do you have any ideas how to stop it?

 **AP0LL0** : i jus threw the ice form in the my cup in outside so,. i think were good now

 **claudemoneY** : oh my god apollo, you literally just singlehandedly ended global warming.

 **AP0LL0** : thanking you

 **AP0LL0** : i like it when u calling me apollo

 **claudemoneY** : well apollo, whats next on your, Save The World™ list?

 **AP0LL0** : bears

 **claudemoneY** : bears?

 **AP0LL0** : no

 **claudemoneY** : no?

 **AP0LL0** : im sleep

 **claudemoneY** : find gavroche and have time take you back to his dorm okay?

 **AP0LL0** : okay :))(())) night grand air

 **claudemoneY** : goodnight xx

 

-o-

 

 **gayvroche** has a new message from **claudemoneY**

 

 **claudemoneY** : hey are you keepin an eye on enj

 **gayvroche** : yes i am sorry i literally jUST MADE OUT WITH THIS SUPER HOT GUY

 **claudemoneY** : OH SHIT WADDUP

 **gayvroche** : I KNOW RIGHT AHHH

 **gayvroche** : but yes im taking him home now omg hes such a mess

 **claudemoneY** : hes been drunk texting me and its literally the best thing ever

 **gayvroche** : thats so gay wtf goals

 **claudemoneY** : ok but now im really nervous bc he said he wanted to talk to me tomrrow

 **gayvroche** : dude dont be youll be fine.

 **claudemoneY** : im going to THROW UP

 **gayvroche** : ok honestly me too

 **gayvroche** : and it looks like so is enjolras

 **gayvroche** : ok i need to deal with him ill text u in a little bit

 **claudemoneY** : ok son good luck

 **gayvroche** : thanks dad :))

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey bros sorry i havent posted in so long, im currently in thailand doing volunteer work and also have a summer class and summer assignments and just finished school but i did it.  
> twitter: OBLWAN_  
> tumblr: hawwkeyee


	8. its about time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OKAU SO as a catch up, enjolras drunkly kissed grantaire but then forgot about it and then when grantaire confronted him about it he got embarrassed and freaked out and went to go clear his head at gavroches dorm. And that's what you missed on GL(ES AMEMES)EE
> 
> Im sorry it took so long to update I'm TRASH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen pls dont @ me ok i UNDERSTAND THAT ITS BEEN LIKE 10 MONTHS SINCE IVE UPDATED!!  
> this is rlly bad pls forgive me  
> also send me ideas or headcanons on twitter!! @OBLWAN_

**AP0LL0 enjolras**

**courffee courfeyrac**

**moth_erfucker combeferre**

**chettta musichetta**

**johncena bahorel**

**_feuilly_ feuilly**

**jolyranchers joly**

**epo9 eponine**

**claudemoneY grantaire**

**plantastic Jehan**

**BossAssBitch Bossuet**

**MariusFucker Cosette**

**CosetteFucker Marius**

**Memepornass Montparnasse**

**gayvroche gavroche**

  


_you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **courffee** : DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THE MUSAIN IS A POKÉMON GYM

 **moth_erfucker** : check who owns it :)

 **courffee** : COMBEFERRE WHEN DID YOU GET A GYRADOS

 **moth_erfucker** : last night me and grantaire feuilly went out but you were asleep and I didnt want to wake you up because I knew you had work in the morning

 **claudemoneY** : I finally got enough vulpix candy to evolve it into ninetails im so hype

 **claudemoneY** : i named him apollo :)

 **courffee** : i am so hurt

 **moth_erfucker** : would it make you feel better if i told you that i took ur phone with me and hatched 2 of ur eggs :)))))

 **courffee** : Let Me Suck Ur Dick Right Now™

 **_feuilly_** : literally im so far behind you guys even though i started at the same time.

 **_feuilly_** : ALL I CAN EVER FIND IS RATTATS AND WEEDLES

 **MariusFucker** : I have a Dragonite :)

 **_feuilly_** : cosette you can literally fuck right off you valor scum

 **claudemoneY** : INSTINCT 4 LYFE

 **plantastic** : im with you on that

 **_feuilly_** : um? wrong. Valor or get the frick out

 **moth_erfucker** : I dont think you guys realize how hard it is for me and courf to be on separate teams. This game has brought us to the brink of breakups like 2o3409 times.

 **courffee** : SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MYSTIC PIECE OF SHIT

 **moth_erfucker** : see what i mean

 **courffee** : im kidding of course :) i dont care what time youre on :) were all friends here :) just trying to catch em all :) lets all be friends :) amirite? :)

 **claudemoneY** : lol instinct is the WORST

 **johncena** : have you guys thought about how these teams are pulling us apart rather than bringing us together? think about it. This is the first large scale game like this. Its a world record. The first of its kind. And then they go and pin us against each other? you cant help from juxtaposing it to the imaginary lines of the borders of our countries. These lines dictate who hates who and how much you matter as a person

 **claudemoneY** : lol shut up u mystic loser

 **johncena** : GRANTAIRE I SWEAR TO GOD U ARE ABOUT TO CATCH THESE HANDS

 **claudemoneY** : FIGHT ME

 **courffee** : anyways i just took this gym from you combeferre. I put in my jolteon. Her name is Thunder Boom-o.

 **moth_erfucker** : we are getting a divorce

 **courffee** : never talk to me or Thunder Boom-o ever again

 **gayroche** : hang on enjolras wanted me to add him

 

_**gayvroche** has added AP0LL0 to the group chat “Les Amemes” _

 

 **AP0LL0** : hello. Can anyone pick me up at the train station

 **courffee** : ENJOLRAS!!! YOURE BACK!!

 **AP0LL0** : hello courf! yes. i am back

 **chettta** : OH SHIT WADDUP

 **moth_erfucker** : its about time

 **AP0LL0** : it was only like 3 days

 **moth_erfucker** : do you know what has happened in those three days?? everything has gone to hell.

 **moth_erfucker** : the bees are dying,  the atmosphere is deteriorating, deforestation continues to thrive, and worst of all those losers from across the street stole that pokemon gym from us.

 **AP0LL0** : im so sorry ok this was a personal calibration educational retreat

 **jolyranchers** : did you learn anything

 **AP0LL0** : i learned that kids are still drinking really bad vodka in college and you can get warm cookies delivered to your dorm room until 4 am.

 **gayvroche** : he also outlined a program to help prevent violence on campus and told me who to talk to to get a teacher to come in to give free self defense classes for girls and LGBT+ ppl so

 **gayvroche** : enjolras is literally modern day mother teresa.

 **AP0LL0** : ok listen I'll talk to you all more in person but I'm sorry for scaring any of you and also not replying to your messages that wasn't cool of me

 **plantastic** : I'm pretty sure we’ve all been there it's okay

 

 **_courffee_ ** _has created the chat_ **_“EVERYONE BUT E + R”_ **

 

 **courffee** : SOS THIS IS A CHAT WITH EVERYONE BUT GRANTAIRE AND ENJOLRAS

 **courffee** : NO ONE PICK UP ENJOLRAS FROM THE TRAIN STATION

 **courffee** : I REPEAT

 **courffee** : N O  O N E  P I C K  U P  E N J  F R O M  T H E   T R A I N  S T A T I O N.

 **CosetteFucker** : ok why

 **MariusFucker** : babe we want grantaire to pick him up so they can #CONFRONT their EMOtions

 **CosetteFucker** : alright but don't you think enjolras would maybe feel weird with grantaire picking him up because of how they left things? Like idk but I feel like if I was enjolras I wouldn't be particularly keen on having the person I was trying to avoid be the first person I see when I come back.

 **CosetteFucker** : at least, if I saw it coming I would get really nervous right before hand and maybe RUN HOME instead

 **BossAssBitch** : this little springbean has a point actually

 **BossAssBitch** : enjolras might protest to grantaire picking him up

 **courffee** : hmmmm.,,

 **courffee** : i…...

 **moth_erfucker** : DONT

 **courffee** : …...have a plan

 **MariusFucker** : I'm in

 **courffee** : ok so here is what we do

 **courffee** : wait Cosette are you free?

 **MariusFucker** : as free as a white rich criminal

 **johncena** : DRAG

 **courffee** : ok great so ferre, Cosette, and I will tell enjolras that WE are picking him up, right?

 **jolyranchers** : this is so scandalous

 **courffee** : but it will ACTUALLy be grantaire picking him up but just so we don't make enjolras nervous u feel?

 **courffee** : and enjolras will come out thinking he's getting picked up by US but he's actually getting picked up BY GRANTAIRE

 **courffee** : and then hopefully they will DO THE THING ??

 **moth_erfucker** : The Thing being ??

 **courffee** : ferre, there are CHILDREN in this chat I can't talk about The Thing that's disgusting

 **MariusFucker** : ok this is great but why did you ask if I was free if we aren't even gonna pick him up

 **courffee** : BC DONT YOU WANT TO GO WATCH A CONFESSION OF TRUE LOVE? IMAGINE. THE FEAR, THE COMPASSION, THE CONFUSION, THE SCENT OF HORMONES IN THE AIR.

 **CosetteFucker** : you can see that everyday with me and Cosette :))

 **johncena** : thats digusting no thank u

 **courffee** : so what we do is this: Cosette, you will tell enjolras that you will come get him and that me and ferre are tagging along too. then we convince grantaire come too so that he can confront enjolras about his gayness and tell grantaire that we are gonna go across the street to the store to idk buy condoms and tampons or smthng u feel?? BUT REALLY we will be hiding just out of sight from them so they cant see us but we can watch and see what happens

 **_feuilly_** : wouldnt it just be easier to,..., idk,,,.. maybe.../ let them have their moment alone :))) and just have grantaire go pick him up by himself and they can figure this out for themselves?????

 **courffee** : who is this person and why is he trying to infringe my first amendment rights

 **courffee** : aka to right to BE THE FIRST TO ALL THE BEST GOSSIP

 **epo9** : can we bet on this

 **johncena** : i support this idea

 **chettta** : 5 euros that they are gonna kiss right there at the train station

 **jolyranchers** : ill take that bet. 10 on that enjolras is gonna just turn around and try and get back on the train when he sees grantaire.

 **courffee** : if enjolras cites 3 or more political reasons as to why he was ignoring grantaire everyone owes me a euro.

 **moth_fucker** : no wait. if he cites more than 6 everyone owes ME a euro. if its anywhere between 3-5 then people owe courfeyrac a euro.

 **courffee** : ok i like those chances.

 **_feuilly_** : ok everyone tell me your guess as to how long they are going to stare at each other before saying anything when they first see each other. whoever is the closest wins 2 euros from everyone.

 **jolyranchers** : 8 seconds

 **chettta** : im going 15

 **BossAssBitch** : it cant be more than 20

 **moth_erfucker** : i think that theyre both gonna have so much to say that its not gonna be that long. like 5 seconds

 **epo9** : nope im going a full 30 seconds

 **plantastic** : 31 seconds

 **epo9** : WOW   
**plantastic** : its called a strategy.

 **johncena** : 59 SECONDS

 **MariusFucker** : 45 seconds

 **CosetteFucker** : im actually just gonna say 10.

 **_feuilly_** : ok and im betting its gonna be like 26

 **courffee** : ok now that we have betting out of the way, cosette, text in the group chat and say that you are going to pick him up but that me and combeferre are going to tag along as well.

 **courffee** : im going to try and convince grantaire to come with us.

 **MariusFucker** : alright its lit.

 

 _You have entered the group chat “_ **_Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **MariusFucker** : enjoras, babe, i can pick you up :))))

 **AP0LL0** : thank you so much cosette!!!

 **MariusFucker** : no problem!! Courf and ferre are gonna come too

 **AP0LL0** : okay nice!!!

 

 _you have entered the group chat “_ **_THEM BOIS”_ ** _with_ **_MariusFucker, claudemoneY, courffee, and moth_erfucker_ **

 

 **courffee** : grantaire you need to come with us to pick up enjolras

 **claudemoneY** : no

 **courffee** : but you have to

 **claudemoneY** : why

 **moth_erfucker** : so you can confront him

 **MariusFucker** : YEAH and be like???? WTF IS UP ?? HOE???   
**claudemoneY** : is that really what you want me to do cosette?

 **claudemoneY** : you want me to go up to apollo and say “what the fuck is up, hoe.”

 **MariusFucker** : yes i dont see why thats so weird

 **claudemoneY** : anyways,.,,..,

 **claudemoneY** : i was just going to let enjolras come to ME

 **claudemoneY** : because as you know, i am the one who brought it up to him first and then he freaked out and fucking left which is so not like him

 **moth_erfucker** : LIKING SOMEONE is not like him

 **moth_erfucker** : to be honest i think he just doesnt understand how to handle his emotions when it comes to relationships because he hasnt really had to do that in the past.

 **courffee** : this is so high school i love it

 **claudemoneY** : IM 25 YEARS OLD YOU THINK I WOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE ABOUT OUR FEELINGS.

 **courffee** : listen my dude, we told enjolras that we are going to pick him up. if you come with us now, we can go off and give you a while to talk it out and figure something out or whatever. the longer you put this off the worse its gonna get

 **claudemoneY** : mmmmmmnmnmmnmnmnmmm

 **claudemoneY** : askdfa

 **claudemoneY** : i just

 **claudemoneY** : ok

 **claudemoneY** : i’ll come

 **MariusFucker** : YASSS were outside ur apartment come down

 **claudemoneY** : wtf

 **courffee** : i told you this plan was foolproof

 **moth_erfucker** : listen,,,.

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **MariusFucker** : Enjolras we are out front waiting :))))

 **AP0LL0** : ok cool i’ll be out in like 3 minutes

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“THEM BOIS”_ **

 

 **moth_erfucker** : okay so courf, cosette, and i are going to go over to the store across the street to get some stuff. text me when youre ready to go grantaire ((((:

 **claudemoneY** : im going to throw up i dont wnat t to do this

 **courffee** : its too late

 **claudemoneY** : I CANT TPYE MY HANDS ARE SHAKING S O ABD

 **MariusFucker** : its okay babe you got this. enjolras is just as scared of you as you are of him

 **claudemoneY** : angels do not fear the demons below them

 **moth_erfucker** : grantaire i swear to god.

 **claudemoneY** : OK I HAVE TO GO NOW IM TOO NERVOUS TO LOOK AT MY PHONE IM GOING TO KEEP LOOKING FOR ENJOLRAS

 

 _you have entered the group chat “_ **_EVERYONE BUT E + R”_ **

 

_11:02 am_

 

 **courffee** : omg omgomgomgog

 **moth_erfucker** : i have my stopwatch out to time how long they stare at each other before one of them talks.

 **courffee** : for those of you watching at home, we are currently hiding behind a large column just out of eyesight of grantaire.

 **courffee** : he has no idea were here.

 **epo9** : this is so exciting im gonna PUNCH SOMETHING

 **MariusFucker** : ok ok ok omgomg i see enjolras but neither of them has seen the other

 **courffee** : aaaannnnnndddd…..

 **courffee** : THERE IT IS

 **_feuilly_** : TIME IT TIME IT TIME IT

 **courffee** : this is so magical i am going to faint

 **MariusFucker** : it reminds me of how bahorel looks at grilled cheese

 **johncena** : DRAG ME

 **johncena** : BURN

 **johncena** : YOU GOT ME

 **moth_erfucker** : 12.58 SECONDS

 **_feuilly_** : that means that….,,. let me check

 **_feuilly_** : MUSICHETTA WINS!!!

 **chettta** : YAAASSSS

 **chettta** : ID LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY, AS WELL AS MY FORTUNE COOKIE FROM LAST NIGHT THAT SAID MY LUCKY NUMBER WAS 15

 **MariusFucker** : ENJOLRAS TURNED AND TRIED TO GO BACK INTO THE TRAIN STATION BUT HE COULDNT BECAUSE THE TURNSTILES ONLY GO ONE WAY.  OH GOD HE LOOKS SO HELPLESS

 **jolyranchers** : I CALLED IT. I WIN!!!

 **courffee** : grantaire looks mad now

 **courffee** : he just used enjolras’s full name, which keep in mind he never does. and like half walked half ran over to him. But like, angrily, as if he's gonna stab him.

 **moth_erfucker** : enjolras looks like hes going to die

 **courffee** : enjolras just said “I thought i was meeting cosette, combef-” and then grantaire interrupted him.

 **courffee** : “I just don’t get it” grantaire is saying. “why did you leave?”

 **courffee** : omg grantaire is about to cry

 **courffee** : wait no hes not

 **moth_erfucker** : is he?

 **courffee** : OMG OMG

 **courffee** : enjolras goes “Grantaire, listen, I’m sorry. I know i owe you an explanation.”

 **moth_erfucker** : “you’re goddamn right you do.”

 **courffee** : “I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. I shouldn't have just kissed you like that. It was wrong. I was drunk and I know thats not a good excuse but im sorry.”

 **johncena** : these two i swear to god.

 **moth_erfucker** : “So you regret it?” grantaire asked

 **MariusFucker** : “Yes. I regret it because it obviously made you uncomfortable, that's the last thing i want to do.”

 **moth_erfucker** : “But… you… you don’t LIKE me like that…. do you?” grantaire is saying

 **chettta** : im dying im dying im dying im dying

 **MariusFucker** : “I mean… I um…. like I said before, I just uh…” enjolras is loosing it i have never seen him at such a loss for words

 **moth_erfucker** : now theyre completly silent. enjorlas is staring at the ground and grantaire looks like he just had the biggest trip of his life.

 **courffee** : “It… it didnt make me uncomfortable.” AHHH YOU GUYS THEYRE DOING IT

 **MariusFucker** : “What?” enjolras looked up back at grantaire

 **courffee** : “The kiss. It didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

 **moth_erfucker** : enjolras looks so confused. “What do you mean? I thought you hated me-”   
**MariusFucker** : KJSDFH;ASLDKFA SLDKFJASLDKF;A

 **courffee** : oD;FASDK F HOLY FUK THE Y SDF UCKING

 **moth_erfucker** : HE DID THAT!!!!!

 **epo9** : WHAT DID HE DO!!!   
**CosetteFucker** : WE ARE NOT THERE WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

 **johncena** : WHAT IS GOING ON

 **MariusFucker** : GRANTAIRE KISSED ENJORLAS!!! ON THE MOUTH!! WITH HIS OWN MOUTH!!!

 **moth_erfucker** : LONGEST BOO YEAH EVER!!!!!

 **courffee** : THEY !! DID !! THE !! THING !!

 **moth_erfucker** : wait wait shut up

 **courffee** : “I don’t hate you enjorlas. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I don’t always get why you believe in the things that you do, but if there is anyone in the world who could makes those dreams come true, its you. all i do know is that i believe in you enjolras.”

 **moth_erfucker** : enjolras is speechless.

 **moth_erfucker** : ENJOLRAS IS GOING TO KISS GRANTAIRE AGAIN

 **courffee** : wait no hes stopping

 **MariusFucker** : he jus wispered something that i cant hear

 **courffee** : its a good thing i read lips :)))

 **johncena** : why on earth do you know how to read lips courfeyrac

 **courffee** : so i can listen in on more drama wtf duh

 **courffee** : ok so enjolras goes in to kiss grantaire but then stops and omg omg ok so he stops and says,.,. either... “Do you permit it” or “ “Ew, you bumble bee” ……

 **courffee** : i think it was the first one.

 **moth_erfucker** : and then grantaire like nods a lot and now theyre making out

 **_feuilly_** : gay

 **CosetteFucker** : thats rlly gross

 **plantastic** : this is too gay pls stop

 **courffee** : aw :) theyre hugging now

 **chettta** : gay

 **jolyranchers** : gay

 **BossAssBitch** : its about fuckin time tho

 **jolyranchers** : i wonder whats gonna happen now?

 **moth_erfucker** : they..,. they just left without us

 **MariusFucker** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **courffee** : CALL HIM

 **MariusFucker** : combeferre is now calling grantaire to ask what the fuck is up

 **plantastic** : karma

 **moth_erfucker** : GRANTAIRE SAID HE FORGOT WE WERE HERE IM LAUGHING SO HARD.

 **courffee** : ARE THEY COMING BACK FOR US????

 **moth_erfucker** : YES

 **MariusFucker** : appuled. disgusted. i have stopped being a supporter of the gays. this is the last straw. blocked. reported. unfriended.

 **courffee** : A;SKDFJA;SDF

 **johncena** : WAIT

 **johncena** : does enjolras know that we all know everything that happened

 **jolyranchers** : no? right?

 **CosetteFucker** : grantaire knows that we know. but i dont think enjolras knows that we know.

 **chettta** : does that mean we need to ask surprised when they tell us?

 **plantastic** : wait but grantaire doesnt know that we know about what just happened

 **_feuilly_** : this is to much i cant do this can we just tell them that we know

 **plantastic** : i think we should let them come to us.

 **moth_erfucker** : were getting in the car right now. we’ll keep you updated.

 **MariusFucker** : theyre both smiling like idiots.

 **courffee** : grantaire is apologizing for forgetting us MMHMM

 **moth_erfucker** : ASDFK courf just said “its okay you were probably just preoccupied”

 **MariusFucker** : DRAG

  


_You have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes"_ **

 

 **BossAssBitch** : YO YO TO TOTOTOEOOFOED

 **BossAssBitch** : GUYS DKEKFKOEKD PH MYGOD IM  S C R E A M I N G

 **jolyranchers** : WHAT HAPPENED

 **BossAssBitch** : IS MARIUS HERE??

 **CosetteFucker** : Yes I Am Here™

 **BossAssBitch** : YOU WERENT IN CLASS TODAY BUD

 **CosetteFucker** : but we don't have class today it's Monday

 **BossAssBitch** : TRY AGAIN SWEATY :)

 **CosetteFucker** : WHAT THE FUCK ITS TUSEDAY?? WHAT THR FUCK HAPPENED TO MONDAY

 **CosetteFucker** : WHY DIDNT YOU REMIND ME???

 **BossAssBitch** : I DIDNT THINK ABOUT IT UNTIL I WAS SITTING IN CLASS AND YOU WERENT THERE!!!

 **BossAssBitch** : AND YOU MISSED THE CLASS WITH THAT RLLY STRICT TEACHER WHOS A TRICK ASS HOE

 **CosetteFucker** : DID HE NOTICE I WAS GONE??

 **BossAssBitch** : FUCKING LISTEN TO THE STORY

 **CosetteFucker** : OKAY WHAT HAPPENED

 **BossAssBitch** : OK SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS, I WAS SITTIN IN CLASS MINDING MY OWN GODDAMNED BUSINESS WHEN CLASS STARTS AND !!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE !!!!

 **BossAssBitch** : AND THE TEACHER STARTS TO TAKE ROLE FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON BC WHO !! TAKES !! ATTENDANCE !! IN !! UNIVERSITY !!

 **johncena** : your teacher takes attendance???

 **BossAssBith** : hon pls dont interupt me

 **johncena** : my apologies please continue

 **BossAssBitch** : OK SO AS YOU KNOW, THE TEACHER GIVES YOU ONE CHANCE. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SKIP CLASS ONE TIME BEFORE HE KICKS YOU OUT OF HIS PROGRAM. AND I KNEW THAT ME AND MARIUS HAD ALREADY MISSED A DAY FOR THAT TIME COSETTE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WHEN SHE BROKE HER ARM A WHILE BACK? AND I KNEW THAT ONCE THE TEACHER CALLED HIS NAME HE WOULD BE KICKED OUT OF THE PROGRAM!!!

 **CosetteFucker** : FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

 **CosetteFucker** : THIS WAS THE ONLY CLASS I NEEDED TO GRADUATE

 **CosetteFucker** : IM GOING TO HAVE TO RETAKE IT.

 **CosetteFucker** : THAT MEANS A WHOLE NOTHER SEMESTER

 **CosetteFucker** : I HAD AN INTURNSHIP THAT STARTS IN 2 MONTHS THAT I WONT BE ABLE TO DO NOW

 **CosetteFucker** : ALSO I CANT AFFORD TO RETAKE THIS CLASS!!! I HAVE ZERO MONEY!!!

 **CosetteFucker** : MY LIFE IS OVER

 **CosetteFucker** : IM GOING TO DIE HOMELESS AND POOR

 **CosetteFucker** : do you think i can like email the professor and tell him that i was in the hospital?? i could break my leg and then go to the hospital but then forge the documents to say that i was admitted this morning instead of this afternoon??????

 **CosetteFucker** : quick i need someone to break my leg im not even joking at all my life depends on it.

 **_feuilly_** : have someone push you down the stairs

 **chettta** : i could hit you with my car and put you into a small coma

 **BossAssBitch** : BOI DID I SAY THAT THE STORY WAS OVER???? NO??? THATS WHAT I THOUGHT. YOU HOES GOTTA STOP INTERRUPTING ME

 **BossAssBithch** : THERE I WAS, THE TEACHER WAS GOING DOWN THE LIST CALLING PEOPLES NAMES.

 **BossAssBitch** : he gets to marius’s name

 **BossAssBitch** : AND I PANIC

 **BossAssBitch** : AND I SAY “HERE”

 **CosetteFucker** : YOU DIDNT

 **BossAssBitch** : THE TEACHER LOOKED UP SLIGHTLY CONFUSED BUT I DONT THINK HE REALLY TRIED TO REMEMBER FACES SO HE MARKS YOU PRESENT AND JUST GOES ALONG CALLING THE NEXT NAME

 **BossAssBitch** : AND THEN HE GETS TO MY NAME

 **BossAssBitch** : AND I SAY “HERE” AGAIN

 **BossAssBitch** : THIS TIME HE GETS MAD AND IS LIKE “you said your name is Marius Pontmercy.” AND I SAID YES THATS CORRECT. AND HES LIKE “if you are pontmercy, then you are not bossuet.” AND THEN HE CROSSES OFF MY NAME FROM THE ROSTER.

 **BossAssBitch** : i had to stay for the entire lecture though bc i was pretending to be marius. I took notes for you though.

 **CosetteFucker** : KJDHFAS;FAS;GFJA ;SFHA;L OH MY GOD

 **AP0LL0** : so????? you got kicked out of law school???

 **jolyranchers** : BOSSUET WHAT THE FUCK!! WHAT THE FUCK !!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!   
**chettta** : BOSSUET WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO???

 **CosetteFucker** : No this isnt right no no no omg no im going right now to Professor Blondeau and telling him what happened and that you were just trying to cover for me and that it should be me getting kicked out and not you i cant do that to you bossuet

 **BossAssBitch** : BITCH YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!!!!!!

 **BossAssBitch** : I WAS ON THE BRINK OF BECOMING A LAWYER

 **BossAssBitch** : A LAWYER, MARIUS. A. LAWYER

 **BossAssBitch** : A !!! LAWYER !!!   
**BossAssBitch** : ARE YOU HEARING ME???

 **BossAssBitch** : A.

 **BossAssBitch** : LAWYER.

 **BossAssBitch** : DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE LAWYERS??

 **BossAssBitch** : except, of course, all my beautiful law friends who are going to use their powers for good and fight for the little guy instead of the big evil corporations.  

 **_feuilly_** : WHY DID YOU GO TO LAW SCHOOL IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO BECOME A LAWYER IN THE FIRST PLACE???

 **BossAssBitch** : BC MY PARENTS WANTED ME TOO!!!! I WANTED TO DO STUFF WITH ANIMALS AND NATURE BUT MY PARENTS DIDNT THINK THAT THAT WAS PRACTICAL.

 **BossAssBitch** : AND NOW I HAVE A REAL REASON TO TELL THEM THAT I CANT DO THAT!!! BECAUSE I GOT KICKED OUT !!!

 **BossAssBitch** : not to be dramatic but THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

 **BossAssBitch** : Marius, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

 **CosetteFucker** : …. i …. got you kicked out of law school

 **BossAssBitch** : youre right. Thank you is not enough. Im coming over with champagne.

 **AP0LL0** : I have never seen someone so happy about failing.

 **BossAssBitch** : i feel like, life has meaning again. I am brought back to my childhood when the world was so colorful. everything is open to me now. my crops are prospering. my skin is clear. my debts are paid. i am in the best relationship of my life. anD I AM NO !! LONGER !! GONNA !! BE !! A !! LAWYER !!

 **chettta** : i cannot believe you bossuet.

 **chettta** : and i love you.

 **chettta** : and am proud of you for following your instincts

 **jolyranchers** : I THINK THAT CELEBRATIONS ARE IN ORDER!!!

 **CosetteFucker** : come over we can celebrate

 **BossAssBitch** : YOU GUYS DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM

 **BossAssBitch** : I AM LITERLLY RUNNING TO MARIUS’S APARTMENT RN BC I HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY!!!

 **CosetteFucker** : MY APARTMENT IS 6 KILOMETERS AWAY FROM THE SCHOOL

 **chettta** : BOSSUET, BABE, where are you? ill pick you up.

 **BossAssBitch** : the courner of Fucking and Thrilled.

 **jolyranchers** : ASDFKL

 **BossAssBitch** : LMAO no but im at that little corner store right next to the cute bagel place.

 **jolyranchers** : me and chetta are on our way to get you

 **BossAssBitch** : YAASS

  
  


_you have entered a chat with_ **_AP0LL0_ ** _and_ **_claudemoneY_ **

_4:21 pm_

 

 **AP0LL0** : Hey, thank you for picking me up at the train station by the way

 **claudemoneY** : its no problem my dude

 **AP0LL0** : can I see you later tonight

 **claudemoneY** : Apollo, are you asking me out on a date?

 **AP0LL0** : yes

 **claudemoneY** : wait, really?

 **AP0LL0** : YES OF COURSE

 **claudemoneY** : so you DO like me then

 **AP0LL0** : I literally just made out with you like an hour ago i wouldnt have done that if i didnt like you.

 **claudemoneY** : this seems so fake to me. like a camera team is gonna pop out from behind a potted plant and be like YOUVE JUST BEEN PUNK’D!!

 **AP0LL0** : this isnt a prank.

 **claudemoneY** : are you sure

 **AP0LL0** : yes.

 **claudemoneY** : okay

 **AP0LL0** : can we meet at the musain at 9?

 **claudemoneY** : ok im not having my first date with you be at the same place where you have seen me drunkly scream the pokemon theme song while strip dancing on top of a table.

 **AP0LL0** : do you have any other suggestions?

 **claudemoneY** : yes actually. ill send you the address.

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”_ **

_5:03 pm_

 

 **claudemoneY** : you guys have GOT to help me

 **epo9** : whats up

 **claudemoneY** : im sending you my location.

 **claudemoneY** : meet me here and bring all the christmas lights you can

 **claudemoneY** : also some nice dishes and a tablecloth and  BUNCH of candles.

 **jolyranchers** : i have dreamed about this moment for my entire life.

 **plantastic** : SAY NO MORE

 **epo9** : on my way

 

 _you have entered the group chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

_10:45 pm_

 

 **AP0LL0** : hey guys me and grantaire have something to say

 **courffee** : whats up? :)

 **AP0LL0** : now i know this might come as a surprise to some of you

 **claudemoneY** : yes. a surprise.

 **AP0LL0** : and I know it is going to be a different group dynamic at first but

 **plantastic** : go on

 **AP0LL0** : and this doesnt mean that I wont spend any less time working toward my political and social goals

 **moth_erfucker** : mmhmmmm

 **_feuilly_** : jesus. WE KNOW!!

 **AP0LL0** : no i dont think you do

 **AP0LL0** : me and grantaire are dating :))

 **_feuilly_** : WE KNOW!

 **AP0LL0** : yes, because I just told you.

 **epo9** : FINALLY

 **courffee** : YAASSSSS

 **courffee** : THIS WAS ALL PART OF MY PLAN. ALL OF IT.

 **moth_erfucker** : congrats you guys im so proud of you gays

 **plantastic** : THIS !! IS !! THE BEST DAY !! OF MY !! LIFE

 **MariusFucker** : I cannot believe how much effort was put into this

 **claudemoneY** : thanks you guys it means alot to us

 **plantastic** : :,)

 

 _You have entered the group chat_ **_“best frens”_ **

 

 **AP0LL0** : you gays do you wanna know what just happened

 **moth_erfucker** : spill the tea

 **plantastic** : yaass

 **AP0LL0** : alright so I asked grantaire out on a date for tonight and he said ok and I said lets go to the musain and he said no he has somewhere else in mind

 **moth_erfucker** : ok continue

 **AP0LL0** : and he sent me an address and ??? i when i put it into google maps i ?? had never been there before?? and it wasnt even like a restaurant or anything but i decided not to jump to the conclusion that grantaire had finally snapped and is gonna try to murder me, no instead i gave him the benefit  of the doubt and i showed up at 9

 **moth_erfucker** : did he kill you

 **AP0LL0** : yes he took my breath away

 **moth_erfucker** : metaphorically of course

 **AP0LL0** : but he LITERALLY temporarily stopped me from breathing when we were making out.

 **plantastic** : AISDF;ASDLKJF WHAT THE FUCK

 **moth_erfucker** : WOWOWOW WTF!!!

 **AP0LL0** : ok so ANYWAYS i get to the building and im so confused bc its kinda dark, there arent many street lights.

 **AP0LL0** : and thEN he fucking CALLS DOWN TO ME FROM ON TOP OF THE ROOF

 **moth_erfucker** : ???

 **AP0LL0** : AND I COULD BARELY HEAR HIM BC THE BUILDING WAS SO TALL?

 **AP0LL0** : he tells me to go through the door and meet him on the roof

 **AP0LL0** : so i DID

 **AP0LL0** : AND I GET TO THE ROOF

 **plantastic** : MMHMM :))))   
**AP0LL0** : and the whole thing is covered in fairy lights?? and ?? it was so beautiful oh my god you guys i couldve spent the rest of my life up there

 **AP0LL0** : with him

 **AP0LL0** : and he had dinner all set out on a table right next to the edge overlooking the city and the eiffel tower was lit up and OH MY GOD

 **AP0LL0** : and he was standing there under the soft light and AND YOU GUYS!!!!

 **AP0LL0** : YOU GUYS

 **plantastic** : oh my god

 **plantastic** : THIS IS SO CUTE

 **moth_erfucker** : HE MUST REALLY LIKE YOU ENJOLRAS

 **AP0LL0** : we ate dinner and then he had like a blanket laid out and HE TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS AND YOU COULD SEE THE STARS.

 **AP0LL0** : he told me he brought me here bc it has less light pollution.

 **moth_erfucker** : wtf hes never brought ME there?

 **plantastic** : honestly so appalled.

 **AP0LL0** : and then we went to a diner for desert

 **AP0LL0** : it was so nice there wasnt even a lot of pauses like we were talking almost the entire time

 **moth_erfucker** : dude, im so happy for you

 **plantastic** : this is literally such gay news

 **plantastic** : GREAT i meant great.

 **plantastic** : im just always so happgay when my friends are happy

 **plantastic** : HAPPY

 **AP0LL0** : LET ME LIVE!!

 

 _you have entered the chat_ **_“Les Amemes”_ **

 

 **johncena** : guys my brofriend, feuilly, just fucking put tomato on my grilled cheese

 **_feuilly_** : ITS BETTER FOR YOU!! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SPICING UP THE TRADITIONAL GRILLED CHEESE

 **johncena** : THERE IS NO POINT IN CHANGING SOMETHING THAT IS ALREADY PERFECT

 **MariusFucker** : ew wtf thats almost as bad as pineapple on pizza

 **CosetteFucker** : THATS NOT WEIRD. ITS LITERALLY CHEESE, TOMATO, AND BREAD

 **CosetteFucker** : DOES THAT SOUND FIMILIAR?? COSETTE?? HMM??

 **CosetteFucker** : KIND OF LIKE???

 **CosetteFucker** : A PIZZA??

 **_feuilly_** : someone is having relationship problems

 **_feuilly_** : and its not me and bahorel

 **_feuilly_** : cuz we good

 **johncena** : WE GOOD

 **MariusFucker** : no were good

 **CosetteFucker** : as good as pinnapple on pizza

 

 **_MariusFucker_ ** _has left the conversation_

 

 **claudemoneY** : COURF COURF COURF

 **courffee** : yes

 **claudemoneY** : QUICK YOU NEED TO GET OVER HERE

 **courffee** : WHY

 **claudemoneY** : GET TO MY APARTMENT ASAP

 **courffee** : WHYY

 **claudemoneY** : MY CAT

 **claudemoneY** : GEORGE WASHINGTURNT

 **claudemoneY** : IS GIVING BIRTH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen pls dont @ me ok i UNDERSTAND THAT ITS BEEN LIKE 10 MONTHS SINCE IVE UPDATED!!  
> this is rlly bad pls forgive me  
> also send me ideas or headcanons on twitter!! @OBLWAN_

**Author's Note:**

> if i mess something up just roll with it unless I GET JEHANS PRONOUNS WRONG LET ME KNOW I DONT THINK I DID BUT IF I MISSED SOMETHING TELL ME IM USING THEY/THEM. comment/message me with any headcanons you have that you wanna see in the chat!!
> 
> twitter: enjoiras_  
> tumblr: enjollrass

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [drink with me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7079890) by [rescuemechinboyandshowmethestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rescuemechinboyandshowmethestars/pseuds/rescuemechinboyandshowmethestars)




End file.
